Are introverted people are quite judgey?(213 Posts)
When introverted people talk about their introversion it seems that they spend a lot of time "worrying" about what they say. Except it comes across as "finding ways to construe things in a negative light".
Obviously on threads they talk about how what they say might be seen badly, but I think it is rational to assume that they apply the same standard to everyone.
Obviously, this is compounded by knowing a couple of introverted people well enough to know that actually they are extremely judgemental and do "cringe" for people months and years later over the most innocuous sentences/incidents.
No, it has nothing whatsoever to do with judginess.
But isn't that what judging means? Deciding that something is good/bad or conveys more/less worth as a person?
Surely "Saying this means a person should feel embarrassed" I'd the same as "I judge this person by their words to have lower worth"? Or do you see this differently
Sorry "is the same as" not "I'd the same as"
I don't really follow your logic. I don't think the things you are talking about are traits of introversion. It doesn't have anything to do with worrying about what you say.
I am intorverted and I have a tendency to be quite judgey but I only speak for myself, not all introverts. We aren't all the same person.
I am introverted and I am quite judgey if I'm going to be perfectly honest. I work at it though....I'm not nearly as bad as I was. When I was younger, I had a terrible complex where I genuinely thought I was better than the rest of my class at school...or better than the general community. I have improved so much that I care much less about what others think of me and as a result, I've become more outgoing I think.
I don't know why I was so judgey....I grew up with a family who did judge others but usually hidden behind comical sayings or joking.
Some extroverts are very judgey. I know a few of them too.
I'm listening treaclesoda, and I hope we don't talk at cross purposes. So let me try to explain a bit better.
I think MN has more introverts than real life so you get a more insightful view to common ways of thinking/shared views. A fairly common theme is "I am introverted, I hate small talk, it's so boring. I worry that I will talk rubbish/be offensive/bore other people". My question is do introverted people actually judge other people to be offensive/boring/talking rubbish at the same standard as they seem to apply to themselves?
Ah, OK, that makes more sense now.
Hmm, I'm quite introverted and don't much like starting small talk. But if someone else strikes up a conversation I'm happy to participate.
Does that answer the question at all?
I am an introvert although one with a bubbly personality. I also used to be pretty judgemental as a learnt behaviour from my mother, who judges everyone and everything. Still am to a certain degree and less and less each day as I extricate myself from her clutches.
So for me, it's a nature/nurture question. I believe introversion is nature and judgemental personality is nurture. It is true introverted people tend to be harsh on themselves in relation to everyone else, not the other way round. So who judges everyone around them? A narcissist. A narcissist judges themselves harshly. Then in order to flatter their ego and redress the balance, they judge and berate those around them. They rank themselves as better than X and not as good as y. Some introverts are narcissists. Some extroverts are narcissists. Definitely nurture for me.
"I am introverted, I hate small talk, it's so boring. I worry that I will talk rubbish/be offensive/bore other people"
That sounds to me like introverted people are holding themselves to a higher standard.
FWIW, I'm quite an extrovert and also extremely judgemental; of both myself and others. Is analytical the same as judgemental, in this instance? I spend a lot of time analysing (over-analysing?) conversations and what were probably off-hand comments.
A narcissist. A narcissist judges themselves harshly. Then in order to flatter their ego and redress the balance, they judge and berate those around them. They rank themselves as better than X and not as good as y.
Not according to anything I understand nor have read / can find.
Narcissism is extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration. I don't think there's the "as good as x...but not as y" aspect. I think you've confused it with low self-esteem or general bitchiness.
Is analytical the same as judgemental? I don't know I'd have to think about that. Judgey people can be viscerally rather then analytically judgey too.
I suppose you feel more free to think judgemental thoughts if you don't share them with anyone. And if you are never challenged on them because you never share them.
Kate you wondered about introverts judging people as being boring etc...well yes...I'm afraid I do.
I have it a lot...a general feeling of dissatisfaction with other people. Not everyone by any means...and I do have friends...some lovely ones. But I do find that many people I meet are boring...they have little to say which interests me and I DO listen and try to stay open minded.
Your post seems to be a little bit judgey, are you an introvert?
I'm an introvert, I come across as aloof (I would love to change this) but I'm pretty sure I am not judgey. I'm much too busy worrying about my own social skills to analyse other people's behaviour.
I'm introverted. I also used to be quite insecure, so yes I would worry about what I said etc (but always holding myself to higher standards to others).
I'm no longer as insecure. I'm still introverted. I enjoy small talk and couldn't care less what people think of me if I say something silly or am misunderstood.
However, I'm still introverted, and I get cranky if I don't have enough time alone to recharge my batteries.
I think perhaps you are confusing introversion with shyness, insecurity, anxiety or social awkwardness.
Anne as one introvert to another, do you never just get bored with people? I think a part of mine is because I don't want to socialise much with people who I don't already know to be fun or interesting.
So maybe I"m not introverted. Maybe I"m just a snob.
But I do worry about saying and doing the wrong things too.
I don't think you're talking about introverts, actually. I think you're talking about shy people.
Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness.
I am an introvert. After time in company - even family and friends that I love and like very much - I desperately need time alone to recharge my batteries.
However, I am also social and outgoing and bubbly. And non-judgemental!
According to a US study in 2008, 6.2% of the population was classified as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (therefore it would be fair to assume those with narcissistic tendencies were excluded from this stat). In 2011, it was suggested that 30% of young people are narcissists. There are a lot of narcissists out there.
I maintain what I said with my 4am brain. Narcissist.
Introversion is not the same as social awkwardness.
I'm an introvert and do not particularly worry much about how what I say/do will be construed - I am confident I can speak/behave appropriately.
Perhaps extroverts assume introverts are judging because introverts often keep their thoughts to themselves. Perhaps it's actually projection.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.