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AIBU?

who is BU, me or DP?

11 replies

Ilovenannyplum · 03/04/2016 20:21

Ok, mumsnet, please settle this.....

We are getting married in December.
We settled on a song that we would like for a first dance ( I love the song, gives me goosebumps etc. DP is freaking out massively about the first dance so is negative about most things to do with said dance but did say he likes it)

He casually mentions the other day that we can't have that song anymore. When I enquire why, he said his cousin (who's wedding we didn't go to) had it for her first dance so we can't have it now.
They are Facebook friends and not remotely close. I've met her once in 5 yrs at another wedding, I wouldn't know her if she walked past me. Her and her husband will be invited to our evening reception but not the full wedding.

I think he's being a bit U, but I am prepared to be told otherwise.
Unless you have a song written for you, the likelihood is someone else would have had the same first dance song as you
I can't check with every guest and not use "their" song!

(This isn't his backwards way of telling me he doesn't like the song, he just is getting really nervous about the first dance....)

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NoCapes · 03/04/2016 20:24

He is BU about the song
But if he's really uncomfortable about doing a first dance why are you having one??

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Hassled · 03/04/2016 20:25

He's finding any excuse not to dance, isn't he :o? He's wrong about the song thing - you're right, you can't check with everyone there.

But if he's that het up about it, do you have to do the first dance thing? Even as a guest, I always find them a bit cringy.

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Crispbutty · 03/04/2016 20:26

Suggest that the DJ if you are having one, asks everyone to join you on the dancefloor if he is so nervous.

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Ilovenannyplum · 03/04/2016 20:27

He wants to do it, but is also nervous all at the same time. If that makes any kind of sense.

I'm not forcing him, I promise!

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FoxesSitOnBoxes · 03/04/2016 20:27

If it is really making him uncomfortable then I wouldn't make him do a first dance at all. It isn't compulsory.

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Ilovenannyplum · 03/04/2016 20:29

I'm definitely not "making him"
If he said to me, I don't want to do it, then we wouldn't have one.

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gingerboy1912 · 03/04/2016 20:29

He is bu about the song. But the first dance isn't compulsory.

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Topseyt · 03/04/2016 20:30

Of course you can have the song. His cousin doesn't own it. Nobody else will even notice, I shouldn't think.

Thinking back to our wedding, I don't think we even had a first dance, though it was 23 years ago. It isn't compulsory.

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ExAstris · 03/04/2016 20:39

YANBU, I expect lots of suitable songs get used often for first dances.

For our wedding my Mom went round all my aunties and arranged for them to drag all my uncles up onto the dancefloor so we didn't have to dance alone. I'd already sorted friends and cousins. T'was lovely. DJ announced that we'd expressed a wish not to dance alone and pretty much all the guests as one rose and joined us. :)

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Jelliebabe1 · 03/04/2016 21:23

We had the same sing as a couple who git married later in the same month as us! I just said tough even though they're picked it first! They were acbit out out... I did really care in the grand scheme of things! I didn't much care for the song either but it was the only one we could agree on!