return of the psycho-ex

(14 Posts)
zeezeek Sat 02-Apr-16 20:47:34

So....after trying to keep me away from my step grandson's christening, following the stalking incident at work....she went quiet for a while and, I suppose, we all got complacent.

Until Easter, that is. This year, as it is DH's and my 25th wedding anniversary we decided to have a celebration over the Easter weekend at the house where my DSGS was christened. We invited all of DH's children - the 4 from his first marriage, his DD from his brief relationship with this woman and, of course, our own. Also invited was his first wife, as we're all close, and her DH.

It was a brilliant weekend and everyone had a good time, however my DSD made the mistake of mentioning to her mother where she had been and that has now resulted in about 50 abusive phone calls and a suicide attempt - when I say suicide attempt I mean some shallow slashes with a fairly blunt knife across her wrist and downing a bottle of cheap gin - just enough to scare her daughter.

Before anyone flames me, my late fiancé died through suicide and so I'm usually sensitive about this. And yea, she knows how he died, but must have decided that standing in front of a train like he did would have been a step,too far and she might have actually died and she doesn't want that at all because she enjoys her DD being constantly worried and anxious about her, to the extent that she is becoming anxious and depressed her self.

So, as this is AIBU, am I for hating her fucking guts for fucking up her DD and constantly trying to fuck up my marriage? So, so angry tonight and the whole episode has brought back memories of when Adam died.

Oswin Sat 02-Apr-16 20:50:49

I know the backstory op and I think she's not being fair to her dc at all.

Chillyegg Sat 02-Apr-16 20:55:55

I'm sorry for all the angst this women is causing you and she clearly must've wearing you down. But to speak so crassly of someone's attempted suicide isn't on.

After 25 years of marriage it would be assumed that she has moved on buy clearly not. I don't know what to advise just hear to listen.

EnglishFern Sat 02-Apr-16 20:58:07

Evidently she's not mentally well, but unfortunately until someone like this really pulls out all the stops responding bugger all you can do. She sounds like the worst kind of attention seeker.

You are perfectly legitimate to feel furious. Your poor DSGC

Marynary Sat 02-Apr-16 20:58:10

She obviously has huge mental health problems and is very selfish. I feel very sorry for her DD. It must be very hard for her.

EnglishFern Sat 02-Apr-16 20:58:38

responding? there's

ohtheholidays Sat 02-Apr-16 21:01:58

Of course YANBU I don't know your back story OP but if it's you or your DH that she's ringing I'd get her number blocked.

With her stalking you have you got an injunction against her?I would if it was me.I've been stalked twice in my life when I was younger,it was horrendous.

With your DSD is she getting any help with dealing with what her Mum's been putting her through?If not it sounds like she might really benefit from it.

Chilver Sat 02-Apr-16 21:07:47

I get that you are beyond angry, but I didn't realise there was a sliding scale of suicide attempts?? confused

EnglishFern Sat 02-Apr-16 21:09:49

I think if someone is an attention seeking nightmare then if there were a sliding scale, it would be fairly near the bottom....

zeezeek Sat 02-Apr-16 21:10:10

Chilly - I know, I'm being a bitch and if it had been anyone else then I'd be the first one saying that this person needs help and ensuring they get it. However, she isn't suicidal at all. She wants attention. I don't doubt that she has a MH issue and needs help, but after over 25 years of dealing with her, watching her DD (who I love as my own) go through hell because of her, then I'm afraid my patience is wearing thin, so yes, I'm making crass comments.

Chillyegg Sat 02-Apr-16 21:24:21

Zeekzeek I understand what your saying it must be so hard to deal with someone like that.
I don't know the back story hear but the only thing i can think to say really is to just let a lot of the stuff she does go. After 25 years she must of worn you down so much but letting her get to you so you say nasty stuff only gives her an advantage.
It's sad that she can't move on and she's wasting her life with such negativity. Even saddened for you to deal with this crap.

zeezeek Sat 02-Apr-16 21:36:27

There isn't a sliding scale of suicide attempts, no. There is a groups of people. Who are so depressed they want to die that they say they want to kill themselves. Sometimes they make half hearted attempts that they know they will fail in as a genuine cry for help because they want help. Sometimes they will then stop talking about suicide, lull those who love them into a false sense of security so they are less vigilant and less overprotective....and that's why they do it. And you find out afterwards that this is the pattern arms that's what happened to me.

In this case we have a grown women who wants people to think that she is suicidal so makes a few shallow cuts across her wrists (not wanting to make any suggestions here, but not the kind of cuts that a person who wants to kill the,sleeves make) and gets drunk. It is obviously for attention

We did have a block on her phone number, but then she got a new PAYG mobile and so it started again a few weeks ago.

WalkingBlind Sun 03-Apr-16 01:35:02

As a survivor of a suicide attempt I have so much contempt for those who use it to emotionally blackmail someone.

I can completely understand those who have "mild attempts" (with no intention of truly dying) as a cry for help and need supporting. But my ex once laid out perfectly some pill packets on the floor with a half empty glass and discarded the pills (not into his mouth), all for me to "find". This was to guilt me into staying in a bad relationship after messages saying that I had to stay or I'd ruin his life/consequences are all my fault, etc. He had no previous history of depression and has had no troubles since. Just ran out of ways to get my attention. It's vile.

For this person to be doing that to their own child, and clearly on a notable basis is sickening angry I'd be half tempted to ring Social Services if the child was young enough, but not fair to put even more pressure on her with such an unstable mother to deal with. She will likely grow to resent her to be honest after she's worried herself so much. Bless you for loving her so dearly! She will be so grateful for you flowers

fatmomma99 Sun 03-Apr-16 01:38:43

It sounds like you've all had a very tough time. I'm so sorry.

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