Sisterly angst

(17 Posts)
libertysilk Sat 02-Apr-16 18:31:20

My LO is getting christened in two weeks. Explained to sister that it's a very small occasion, and please don't be offended, but, I'm not inviting any family. She lives a 2 hour drive away. She was offended, and very uppity with me. Soooo, I posted her an invitation.
She's just rung me having gotten the invitation through the post today. Sorry her husband has bought tickets for the grand national, and she can't make it. Christening as clearly stated on invitation is on Sunday. AIBU to be peeves that she's just blatantly snubbed me? Or am in the wrong for not inviting her initially. Its a very tight budget, a very small, personal christening.
At my lo's1st birthday party, my sister, made it blatantly clear she didn't approve of my guests by leaving early, citing the guest as the reason. I was so embarrassed.
I've out up with so many lies and childish behaviour from her, and I'm just about at the end of my tether with her. She's said to me 'what would you know about life. Your life is perfect and your kids live in a perfect world'.
Would really appreciate some views/thoughts please. Thank you

RudeElf Sat 02-Apr-16 18:33:14

Thoughts? Ignore her. You tried, she snubbed. Lesson learned. You know who she is, stop expecting different. You'll be a lot happier if you stop trying to please someone like her.

ghostyslovesheep Sat 02-Apr-16 18:55:43

she's not snubbed you - you didn't invite her so they made other arrangements - but the GN is next Sat not in 2 weeks

Griphook Sat 02-Apr-16 18:56:58

I'm not what you expect really, you told her it was a personal affair but she wasn't invited, that must have hurt. So she did something different (was she expected to keep the day free in case you changed your mind. Yabu

PerspicaciaTick Sat 02-Apr-16 19:01:11

I would be relieved - now you can have the small christening you wanted.

But I would be sooo tempted to call her out on the lying. "So sorry you can't come to the christening, I'll be sure to send you a photo or two. However, I don't know what your DH has tickets for, but isn't the GN on --completely different date to christening. Lol xxx".

incandescentalright Sat 02-Apr-16 19:11:51

Err.... yabu. Unsurprisingly your sister was upset at being left out of her niece/nephew's christening. I can't understand why budget would be an issue at a church service -- there's no need to cater. Then you sent her a pity invitation, after having made it clear she wasn't wanted, so she did what most of us would do and made up a polite (-ish) excuse that she couldn't come. She did not snub you, you snubbed her.

As for the birthday party, it really depends who the guest was and what they were supposed to have done.

The perfect world comment - not nice, but sounds like she has some problems in her life, so if you actually want to reconnect with her I'd try to find out what's going on and how you can help.

veryproudvolleyballmum Sat 02-Apr-16 19:15:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

libertysilk Sat 02-Apr-16 19:26:24

Apologies, lo's christening is next Sunday. The relationship between my sister and I is not close. She (and I'm not judging) is an alcoholic, and has caused me many problems over the years. I've tried to distance myself, whilst still being appreciate of her life, and understanding. But, she was an abusive mother. Example: At her house, she turned to me and said, watch this. Her dd eating dinner, her mother said. I've put worms in your dinner and was sick in it too. Her dd was sick, and my sister smacked her for it.
All of her children are addicted to drugs. Her son was a drug dealer, owed the bigger dealers money, was beaten up, and had to literally run for his life. He came to live with us, after my sister begging me. He stayed 6 months, which I was happy to help with. He's now living a life away from drugs etc. My sister was so cruel to her children, it was so hard to watch. Her son when staying would comment on my parenting skills saying his mother never did any of the things I did with my children etc.
I certainly don't live a perfect life, and have perfect children as my sister has said. I've worked extremely hard to achieve everything I have.

Sunshowercap Sat 02-Apr-16 19:32:10

It's a small personal christening, but you're not inviting your sister? I'd be miffed at that, frankly. It tells her a lot about where she rates in your world.

incandescentalright Sat 02-Apr-16 19:53:48

Erm. Drip feed. Well, ok, fine that you don't want your sister to be part of your kids' lives. I'm not sure why you're worrying about an invitation snub in the context of such an obviously chaotic life though! It doesn't sound like it's the worst thing she's ever done. If you think she's abusive, you need to inform social services and tell them what you've seen.

PerspicaciaTick Sat 02-Apr-16 20:02:29

Again - I'd go with being relieved.

I hope you have spoken to social services about the emotional abuse. I'm also worried about the rather reckless (if well meant) decision to invite a drug dealer to live with your children while they are running from violent criminals. It all sounds very frightening.

libertysilk Sat 02-Apr-16 20:31:39

incandescentalright what does drip feed mean?
when nephew came to live with us, I had a lot of support due to the line of work I'm in. It was not a decision I took lightly! This was about 5 years ago.

paxillin Sat 02-Apr-16 20:39:47

You seem to hate each other. Why worry about her reaction, you don't want her there and she doesn't want to come.

Nanny0gg Sat 02-Apr-16 21:47:47

You seem to hate each other. Why worry about her reaction, you don't want her here and she doesn't want to come.

^^This.

But if she was an abusive mother, what did her family do about it?

Spandexpants007 Sat 02-Apr-16 21:51:56

2 weeks is not enough notice for an event.

EverySongbirdSays Sat 02-Apr-16 22:04:57

Did you do much for your nieces and nephews when they were small.

A small personal christening which doesn't involve your sister would indicate that you and your sister are estranged, you do seem to have contact but you look down on her.

And you've drip fed because as soon as you were told YABU you gave additional detail to make your sister look worse

PPie10 Sat 02-Apr-16 22:08:12

Drip feed !!

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