Partner unable to plan simple things

[WetLettuce123]

Does anyone else have this problem with their partner?

We live together, are engaged. Mine has been working today. Yesterday he told me after work he may meet his friend for dinner as he'll be in the area or he may invite his friend to us. I said "well can you let me know because if you're meeting your friend then I can make plans so I'm not at a loose end", basically, just make a decision. He said he would invite his friend to us. Fine.

This morning it was all changed because he decided to meet his friend where he was working for dinner. Fine. An hour ago he rang to say it was raining he had cancelled on friend and was coming home and did I want to go out for dinner with him, I said OK I'd think of a restaurant. Then got a text from him saying his friend was upset and all back to plan of him meeting friend and he'd be home late!

Why on earth can't he just make a plan and stick to it? It's made me so angry. It doesn't affect me that much as I was having a night in anyway but just hate all the chopping and changing all the time and find the inability to make a decision a pathetic and childish trait.

AIBU to explain all this to him when he gets home or am I overreacting?

[DoreenLethal]

Your time is less important than his.

It is up to you what you do with that information.

You should have made plans and done something yourself.

[incandescentalright]

It's the messing you (and the friend) about that's the problem. I don't think it's really bad if he says he may or may not meet his friend in the evening. But it is bad if he invites you then uninvites you. Same with cancelling then uncancelling on friend. I'd call him out for sure. It's disrespectful.

[WetLettuce123]

That's what his friend has done, called him out. He basically made plans with him then tried to cancel at short notice inviting me in the interim and then the friend has in his words 'kicked off' and held him to his plan.

[treaclesoda]

It's about wanting to work out which is the better offer isn't it?

It's really disrespectful, it's all about him.

[jelliebelly]

Basically what he's doing is more important than what others might be doing. Very selfish. Dh is rubbish at making decisions but once made he sticks to it!

[HermioneJeanGranger]

It's shitty. But I would change your approach - if he makes plans, then assume he's busy and make plans to do your own thing. If his other plans change, tough luck. He told you he was busy, so now he has to fit around you.

Hopefully he'll then realise he needs to make plans and think things through or he'll end up on his own on a Friday night.

Of course, the con of this could be that you never end up spending time together because he's so unorganised. Only you know which way this will go!