Bridesmaid hotel rooms

[WastingTime123]

Hi all.

I'm getting married next year so plenty of time to worry about details I am just trying to get a relatively accurate budget together and don't know if myself and DF should pay for this or not.

I have six bridesmaids - I know that's a lot, they are all adult friends but we grew up together and out of our group two are married so far and we were all bridesmaids for them so it's a 'tradition'. I moved away from our home town for work and live in a city three hours away.

Obviously myself and DF will be paying for their BM dresses (just so you have the whole picture) and presents for them on the day. We fully agree if we ask someone to be involved in our wedding they shouldn't incur costs for this.

However - should we offer to pay for their hotel rooms to come to the wedding? I was thinking we should pay for the night before the wedding and they could pay for the night of the wedding. But they will all be with boyfriends/ partners so we would be paying for them too and although the hotel is reasonable it would add up to about £720 for all of them for a room for one night.

My best friend (in the group) was married last year and the same group of us were bridesmaids and as part of their package they had accommodation for the bridal party the night before, we then all paid in excess of £200 for a room for the night of the wedding. (It was one of those deals where they had hired out the venue and needed to fill the rooms. Also just to clarify I was happy to do that.) The rooms in the hotel we will be staying in are £120 per night.

Some of my BMs really don't have a lot of money. At the wedding there will be a paid for bar so when at the event they won't need to pay for anything.

AIBU to not offer to pay for any of their accommodation?

[AllPowerfulLizardPerson]

If you want them to stay in a specific hotel, then yes I think you should pay (assuming the hotel you want is more costly than other options nearby).

If they have free choice, and there are a range of price brackets, then no you need not - unless there is someone you know may struggle to afford it at all in which case it is definitely a kindness to help out.

[HappinessLivesHere]

I'd go with whatever precedent has been set with the 2 previous wedding. If bride has paid previously I'd pay but if not then I wouldn't.

[toohardtothinkofaname]

I reckon you'll be fine paying for the night before but not night of, assuming it's not miles away from home?

[Primaryteach87]

I was a bridesmaid and paid for my own accommodation but it was much cheaper due to some sort of block deal..around £70 per night.
All in all it was expensive to be her bridesmaid but mostly due to travel costs rather than anything she 'imposed'. I think your suggestion sounds very fair.

[Frazzled2207]

At ours we didn't pay for them but they had a choice of the posh hotel, the cheap hotel (£40), or staying with family half an hour away.

If you def want them to stay at the posh place then I think paying for one night not two is fair
And reasonable for them to want to share with their dps not each other.

[hilbil21]

I would pay night before but not night of xx

[Bearbehind]

I think the rule of thumb in these circumstances is that if you expect them to stay in a certain hotel then you should pay. If they can stay where they like (or even not stay at all) then they pay.

[lampygirl]

If it were me I would offer the equivalent of 3 twin rooms for the nights before and after. If they would prefer to share with there relevant DPs then it essentially becomes 6 rooms for 1 night and they will need to pay the other half. I wouldn't be offended at being asked to do this if I was BM, and I've been at weddings where I had to put myself up both nights and ones where both nights were paid for. As long as it was not sprung upon me on arrival it would be fine.

[WastingTime123]

We actually don't mind at all where they stay, it doesn't matter as on the morning they can just come to where I'll be and get ready with me they don't have to be in that hotel, but the place is definitely too far for any of them to stay at home either the night before or the night of the wedding, but I know one has already said she has been looking into Travelodges (heard from someone else).

It would be good to follow the precedent set by the two brides before but both were different, with the first one we paid for our own dresses, hair, makeup everything. The second one we only paid the £250 for the hotel room on the night of the wedding.

[Bearbehind]

i would pay the night before but not night of

I think that's awful- it's like I'll pay when I need you to do something but you're on your own when your duties are over

[Only1scoop]

I'd pay for them all for the wedding night.

Not the night before

[BitchyComment]

Ohh, that's a tricky one.

Is there anywhere close by that would be cheaper for them so at least you could offer them a choice.
I think you paying one night and them paying one is a reasonable suggestion as long as you make it clear to them that it's up to them if they stay both nights and that you are fine if they want to stay somewhere else etc.
it sounds like you are all good friends so hopefully you can just chat to them about it and see how they feel.
They will have travel expenses too so it might end up costing them quite a bit regardless of you paying for drinks and dresses. I'd be worried that the bridesmaid who don't have much money will find it a bit much.

[BackforGood]

What AllPowerful said.
If you're having them all as bridesmaids, as they have previously asked you though, I think you have to follow whatever their lead was (all other things being equal).

Personally I wouldn't expect someone to pay for my accommodation but I would expect to be able to choose my own cheaper accommodation if I had to stay over.

[BackforGood]

oh x-posted again

[magoria]

Could you offer to pay half (their share of a room) and for their OH's to pay the other half for their share of the room if they have a P or for 2 to share?

[WastingTime123]

I've just been googling Air BnB to see if that would work, do you think if we got them all a shared apartment for one night that would be OK? The only thing is with that there isn't anything too close (would be a taxi ride from the place) and the hotel is literally across the road. Could accommodate them all in a nice house with enough bedrooms and bathrooms for £450 though.

[CakeNinja]

Dp and I were bridesmaid and best man at a wedding recently. It was local, only 10 miles away, but I stayed the night before to get ready with the bride and we both stayed the night of.
We were going to pay for our own room as we chose to stay over, could easily have got a cab home. When we came to check out, the bride and groom had paid for our room! So sweet!

Your circumstances are slightly different, and you have a lot of bridesmaids. To be honest, it would never occur to me that anyone else should pay for my hotel room as a bridesmaid. Are any of them staying over with partners? How far away exactly is the hotel from all of them? Like, 30 miles or 150?

[Bearbehind]

I wouldn't thank you for putting me up in an AirB&B- I'd be paranoid about my stuff being nicked!

[HairySubject]

If it is too far for them to travel on the morning the wedding I think it is fair for you to pay for the night before. But I would pay for them to share rooms. Presumably their partners don't need to be there so early and could travel down the day of the wedding?

[expatinscotland]

When did all this having to stay at the same hotel for 2 nights become a requirement? If you want people to stump up to stay in a particular place you should pay for it. Don't have so many bridesmaids then. If I didn't have the money I'd have to decline staying.

[WastingTime123]

It's 250 miles away from where they live, round the corner from where I live now. Their partners would need to travel with them unless they wanted to get a train very early that morning, the train journey door to door is about three and a half hours.

I want to help them with accommodation costs, if we had a bigger budget I wouldn't think twice but as it is it's a big outlay. Also four of them are OK for money and two are pretty skint.

[pocketsized]

I think it's reasonable for bridesmaids to incur the same costs as all the other guests, just not more for being a bridesmaid (eg specific makeup, dress, shoes). So if you are not insisting on them staying a certain number of nights in a specific place then I think it's fine to expect them to pay for their own accommodation, just like all the other guests. They can choose a hotel that suits their budget, and a location that works for them. I would say though it's best to make whatever decision you make clear at the beginning, to avoid any misunderstandings.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Night before why? Night of wedding yes.

If this was going to be a problem you should have had a cash bar which most people are more than happy with and just paid for the nights then.

[rollonthesummer]

Can't they stay at your house?

We have done that before-been to weddings nowhere near home and the bride/groom let at the university friends all bunk down in their house.

[AngharadTheSplendid]

Going against the rain here, but I've been a bridesmaid four times, and had five of my own bridesmaids on my wedding day. And none of the brides have ever paid for (or been expected to pay for) bm's accomodation. Just dresses etc. Although obviously they were able to stay wherever they liked.