To think he's an utter dick?!

(32 Posts)
Msqueen33 Fri 01-Apr-16 11:22:45

DH has form for being confident, sometimes overly so. He's 34 and has a decent job in finance. But today has really annoyed me. My dad has drawn up plans for a front double extension. He's a surveyor, builder with numerous years of experience. They've gone for a quick chat with planning before we submit the plans. DH has a habit for speaking over people who know what they're actually talking about. I said to him could he let my dad talk and he starts up about how he has charm and can always get what he wants and how he deals with people blah, blah, blah. He's by no means an idiot but he's very arrogant and it's very unappealing. If it was directly finance related I'd let him get on with it. But he comes across as a bit of a dick. Any tips for getting him in check a bit? His mum doesn't help as she's a man's woman and he can do no wrong (fairly odd adoring behaviour from her hasn't helped).

SylviaWrath Fri 01-Apr-16 11:28:20

I would imagine your dad would tell him to back off out of areas he doesn't understand?

midlifehope Fri 01-Apr-16 11:31:57

God yes he sounds a real dick. He should let your dad speak. Yanbu

Cutecat78 Fri 01-Apr-16 13:01:55

Tell him this means a lot to your dad and you know he (DH) wants to have some input but it's a matter of pride for your dad and could he please hold back so he doesn't make DF look like a fool in front of the planners.

MadamDeathstare Fri 01-Apr-16 13:05:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RidersOnTheStorm Fri 01-Apr-16 13:06:36

Tell him not to make an idiot of himself - sounds like it's a few years too late, though.

SilverBirchWithout Fri 01-Apr-16 13:08:08

You can ask and suggest to him how his behaviour comes across sometimes to you, but ultimately it's up to him and your DF (who I guess asked him along?) to work out how to behave.

Floggingmolly Fri 01-Apr-16 13:13:22

It's a universal law - anyone who self identifies as either "charming" or "funny" will be anything but to everybody but themselves. God love you him.

candykane25 Fri 01-Apr-16 13:15:48

Just say DH you are being a dick.

MajesticWhine Fri 01-Apr-16 13:18:21

DH does this - it seems like arrogance but actually it's vulnerability in situations where he feels threatened. He acts like he is knowledgable to cover up for being at a disadvantage. It's really embarrassing. I have told him to STFU and that he doesn't have to prove anything and to be fair he does seem to have taken this into account, now that I have pointed it out to him.

SeaMagic Fri 01-Apr-16 13:20:07

I used to date an arrogant tosser like this and I hope your DH has other redeeming qualities because you're right, he does sound massively unappealing.

Pollyputhtekettleon Fri 01-Apr-16 13:23:39

I think the only way to get him to stop that behaviour is to call him on it and directly tell him how he comes across. Life is one bug lesson and we all lose the run of outlrsrlves at times. I would hope my nearest and dearest would tell me straight when I was embarrassing myself.

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 01-Apr-16 13:27:15

Why on earth would he think the planning office would be charmable? Especially when it sounds he isn't very charming?

JolseBaby Fri 01-Apr-16 13:30:31

Wait until he finishes talking, look him straight in the eye and ask him: Why do you do this?

Let him bluster, bullshit, whatever and then politely point out that he is NOT an expert in everything and that it is RUDE to continually talk over people. Ask him if he would like someone to come and interrupt him continually.

I do this sometimes. It's because I have a shit memory so when something pops into my head I have a bad habit of chipping in in order to not forget it, or trying to clarify something so that I understand. I also have a slight stutter when I am nervous, so stopping to think about what I am saying can sometimes completely derail my speech. I am quite sensitive about this and very few people know about it. The difference is that I KNOW I do this and I work very hard to try not to - so I take a pad and pen with me to scribble reminders to myself. I try and focus on my breathing and listening for signposts in the conversation - it's difficult but doable. There's no excuse for your DH.

Birthgeek Fri 01-Apr-16 13:34:24

Planning office - he won't jeopardise anything but may piss off your DF. Local parish council consideration meeting, if applicable - if he strides in there waving his cock around, they might be likely to raise a dispute, but it probably won't override the planners' decision, which just has to follow national and local rules.

Birthgeek Fri 01-Apr-16 13:35:06

But yeah - he's an arrogant dick who doesn't understand the planning process.

wannadancethenightaway Fri 01-Apr-16 13:37:27

Why does your DH have to be there? Is the extension for your house? He's sounds like an arsehole

Throwingshadeagain Fri 01-Apr-16 13:38:06

How long have you been married? I hate to tell you this, but it will only get worse, not better and you find it unbearable in the end.

Talk to him again. Be very clear. If he's a vain, proud man, then go for the jugular i.e. him looking a dick. Maybe say rather than making you look like an assertive alpha male who knows his stuff, you are coming across like an embarrassing, stupid teenager.

Does he pick up social clues? It might be good for him to actually see how others react to him negatively? You could secretly record him on your phone and show him his dickinshness in action.

pictish Fri 01-Apr-16 13:39:52

Yep he sounds like a dick. World's expert on everything eh? I've met people like that before. Fucking tedious.

pictish Fri 01-Apr-16 13:43:20

and could he please hold back so he doesn't make DF look like a fool in front of the planners

No fgs don't say that....that's just feeding into the idea that he knows best, which he bloody doesn't. Tell him the truth...he doesn't know what he's talking about and should shut his cakehole so the people that do can get down to business without his unwanted disruption.

stubbornstains Fri 01-Apr-16 13:46:54

Why didn't you go to the planning office with your dad instead?

Binders1 Fri 01-Apr-16 13:50:31

Does he know you think he comes across as a bit of dick and unappealing or does he think you agree that he is charming and can get what he wants? If it he does know how you feel then I would remind him again that he can be an arrogant dick and tell him to back off and not ruin it and let df take the lead as he IS the expert. Don't teach grandpa how to suck eggs. Planning have a strict tick list and it's not based personality/charm or lack of by the sound of it.

pictish Fri 01-Apr-16 13:54:08

We have just been granted planning permission for an extension ourselves. Take it from me, the planning department aren't remotely interested in being charmed or persuaded by anyone.

Msqueen33 Fri 01-Apr-16 14:12:32

Honestly he has some idiotic ideas. Frankly I wonder if anyone finds him charming. Most of my friends think he talks too much and he does. I've taken him to some meetings regarding our Sen child when I felt school were ignoring me and he talked over me the entire time which was impressive considering his lack of knowledge on Sen despite it being his child and that he has attended zero meetings with our child's paed purely because he always thinks he knows best. It honestly drives me crazy. I've mentioned it to him before that people think he looks like an arrogant twat but he just doesn't listen.

Topseyt Fri 01-Apr-16 15:08:28

Would it help if someone other than you told him he just sounds like an ignorant twat?

Perhaps a relative or close friend who knows him really well and isn't afraid to speak their mind?

Your DH doesn't seem to realise that in some situations less is more. He needs to let your Dad do most of the talking and then he will be able to ask the odd question at the end probably, if there is something he hasn't understood.

What would he say if you informed him that going in on a charm offensive is much more likely to hinder the case and he risks coming across as smarmy (not saying he is smarmy btw, sure that is not his intention).

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