to be annoyed my sister has assumed she will be a god parent to my children?

(44 Posts)
possum18 Thu 31-Mar-16 15:57:00

At a family function recently we were discussing potential dates I had in mind for my twins christening, late summer.
At this point we have not officially asked anyone to be godparents, nor has it been discussed other than in private between DP and myself.
My sister (who I do not get on with overly well) announced we couldn't hold the christening in August as she has two holidays planned and we couldn't hold the ceremony without the twins godmother there! I politely told her that we didn't intend to use existing family as godparents, and she didn't speak to us for the rest of the evening. She's very angry.

Of the people we have preliminarily decided on for godparents, neither mine or DPs siblings are included. I believe that they already have important roles as aunties and uncles and so should guide our children through life and be there for them without this additional title.

I don't want to get into a debate about the role of godparents...etc

But am I being unreasonable to think she is being very presumptuous and kind of rude ?

AuldYow Thu 31-Mar-16 15:59:25

YANBU - she is being rude and childish, you can have whoever you like as godparents or you can chose not to have any. She needs to grow up but then I expect she has always behaved like this.

Leeds2 Thu 31-Mar-16 16:04:58

YANBU at all. Entirely your decision as to who to have as godparents and, as you say, plenty of people don't choose siblings these days as siblings will always be involved by virtue of being the child's uncle or aunt.

Are you godmother to your sister's children?

possum18 Thu 31-Mar-16 16:05:34

My mum said 'oh maybe you should just have her as an extra one and make her feel included'
But I feel like this is just giving into her adult tantrum.

She's not even remotely religious and I don't feel an appropriate choice to guide my children morally anyway her current relationship started when her married boyfriends wife was 3 months pregnant.

possum18 Thu 31-Mar-16 16:07:35

Leeds, she has no children other than her married boyfriends 3.
We are not godparents to DHs nephews either, we are happy to be aunt and uncle.

curren Thu 31-Mar-16 16:10:59

Yanbu. Don't give in to her strop. Tell your mum to get a grip too

mouldycheesefan Thu 31-Mar-16 16:12:25

Yanbu.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 31-Mar-16 16:14:38

God no!

MeridianB Thu 31-Mar-16 16:14:46

My mum said 'oh maybe you should just have her as an extra one and make her feel included'

^ ^ ^ Why do so many parents do this with adult children? It just enables their bad behaviour and provides no support to siblings..

YANBU

MrsJayy Thu 31-Mar-16 16:19:31

Your sister sounds like a ginormous brat does/did she always throw tantrums when things dont suit her.

KayTee87 Thu 31-Mar-16 16:21:10

She's being childish. I'm so glad I'm church of Scotland and we don't have godparents grin.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 31-Mar-16 16:24:47

YANBU.

We deliberately had godparents who werent related. They'll always be aunts and uncles whatever, and we wanted the dc to have additional important people in their lives.

howmanyairmiles Thu 31-Mar-16 16:28:51

Yanbu I turned my sister down for the role of god parent for her first and stuck to that decision for the next 4.

I prefer to be the cool auntie, She wasn't happy but understood my reasons

Yesvember Thu 31-Mar-16 16:33:32

Blimey, I have 12 neices and nephews and never realised it should be my role to guide them through life. It sounds exhausting.

Ninjagogo Thu 31-Mar-16 16:33:53

YANBU. Congrats on the birth of your twins flowers. My DH is a god father, not to any niece/nephews and is great at it, my best friend did not even ask me, she knows me too well! Stick to your guns and enjoy the christening.

TwilightRabbit Thu 31-Mar-16 16:37:28

YANBU. Your kids, your choice.

I decided not to have any godparents at all for either of the DSs - ex had 3 brothers, and I have 1. In reality, I didn't know any of his brothers, but couldn't very well exclude them in favour of my own brother, so we decided to have none instead - worked out brilliantly ! I know who I would like the kids to go to, and they know and approve too.

squoosh Thu 31-Mar-16 16:39:51

I have 12 neices and nephews and never realised it should be my role to guide them through life. It sounds exhausting.

Sounds exhausting to me too! The only guiding of my nieces and nephews that I do is guiding them in the most effective use of a Super Soaker and guiding them to the cinema to look at the latest Pixar release.

maz210 Thu 31-Mar-16 16:40:03

YANBU, she shouldn't be assuming anything or throwing her toys out of her pram.

Although you may want to think long term with regards to picking your godparents - my brother and sister-in-law chose my elder sister and one of my sister-in-law's (work)friends rather than me to be godparent to their eldest and the friend subsequently disappeared from their lives within a year or two. However I will always remember that they didn't consider me as important in their children's lives as one of their current work colleagues.

chunkymum1 Thu 31-Mar-16 16:41:00

YANBU

And I wouldn't (with hindsight) give in to pressure from your parents to make her an 'extra' godparent. We gave in to emotional pressure from parents with 'D'Brother after a massive adult tantrum when (even though we are not close and certainly at the time he was not what anyone in their right mind would want as a role model). Now we/DC are constantly being told by parents how special DB is to DC as he's her Godfather (ie- Ooh aren't you lucky to have DB as your godfather, DB will take you in his car as he's your godfather (this does not happen) and best of all 'If anything happened to your DP you'd be cared for by DB'). Makes my blood boil every time.

possum18 Thu 31-Mar-16 16:46:34

Haha 'guiding through life' was in the christening leaflet from church.. My point was that the majority of the godparent 'roles' she should be doing as an aunt anyway if she feels she's such an important part of their lives. 

Glad the stance here is that she is BU and a brat.
This is really mean but I think she is just a needy person and likes to be in the spotlight. The christening isn't about her (or me), it's a religious celebration for the twins.

acasualobserver Thu 31-Mar-16 17:04:35

I politely told her that we didn't intend to use existing family as godparents

"Use"? What an odd (and perhaps rather revealing) choice of word.

CaptainCorellisBanjo Thu 31-Mar-16 17:17:17

I feel your pain OP - I am in exactly the same situation. I am close to my sister but didn't want to ask her to be a godparent. She kicked up an unmerciful fuss after my son was born and I asked a friend and my second child remains without godparents at 13 months as I can't face the drama once again.
I need to man up and resolve that!

Wolfiefan Thu 31-Mar-16 17:20:51

Sqoosh those are essential life skills!
OP the biggest clue to your sister's bratty behaviour is the fact one of your parents suggested making her an extra godparent. She's used to getting her own way!
Have the christening when you want. With the godparents you want. It might be easier all round if she isn't there!

Flutterworc Thu 31-Mar-16 17:24:35

DS's godparents are not related to us - we chose friends we felt had traits different to our own that we felt were admirable and we'd like him to learn from. Equally, myself and DH are godparents to friends' children on a similar basis - admirable traits. Not tantrum throwing: DS quite capable of that independently!!

Yesvember Thu 31-Mar-16 17:27:18

grin squoosh, agree. I am more than delighted to stump up for the odd Knickerbocker Glory but draw the line at ongoing steerage of the moral fibre kind.

OP, maybe your sis was just pretending to be sore as an elaborate ruse to cover her relief at having been let off the hook? smile

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