The following is my litany of problems:
My teenage DS has severe disabilities, both physical (wheelchair bound) and severe learning difficulties (he has a mental age of around 4) So DH and I are heavily preoccupied with his care, we have very little outside support except that which we pay for ourselves with Disability Living Allowance. With this support we fit his care around his attendance at special school and our full time jobs.
DS will be leaving school in the next few years so need to plan. We are in the process of applying for the new Personal Independence Payment (even the phraseology sets my teeth on edge - so now DS is supposed to 'aspire to independence' rather than merely 'living with disability'. It is a lengthy stressful process to reapply for what we thought was accepted to be a lifelong, life limiting condition. And I am desperately worried that at the end of it a reason may be found to withhold the benefit from him.
DH has found out that he is going to need fairly major surgery in the next few months. I am worried, not just about him, but about the logistics of caring for DS while DH is recovering.
This brings me to the specific question I have:
I am holding down a professional job in the meantime but I am getting worried about my ability to cope. Although the feedback I have received has all been positive and nobody has expressed concerns to me about the job I am doing. They are aware of my situation with DS and DH surgery and have been supportive, offered flexitime and to work from home etc.
But I can't get rid of this feeling that I am an 'imposter' and am not coping and it will only be a matter of time before I am found out. Every time I make a mistake I magnify it in my head, it doesn't help that I am exceptionally busy at the moment and so I am finding it hard to keep up, whenever somebody has to chase me for something I reproach myself, am paranoid that they are thinking that I am not doing a good job, are going to complain about me etc.
I have had bad experiences in workplaces in the past, and if I am honest I think I am traumatised by the issues we have had to deal with re DS. So these feelings are coloured by this - but I don't know how to get past them. I NEED to keep this job and for it to be a success. I am arranging to get counselling btw which may help; but this is taking a while to set up, & I need some strategies for dealing with this in the short term, can't go on like this!.
My question is: can anyone advise me on such strategies? Have some of you been in comparable situations in the past with multiple problems and stuff going on, and how did you keep a level head? How do I convince others (and myself) that I can cope and not let this fear get in my way? I need to find a way to turn off the fear spigot located in my head?
Sorry rather long & I hope all this makes sense!
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79 replies
Livingtothefull · 30/03/2016 20:01
OP posts:
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