Re: DH taking DC's Easter eggs to work

[VeganCanBeFabulous]

I just want to check that I'm not completely overreacting. I have two DCs aged almost 3 and 5. Yesterday DH and I did a little Easter egg hunt for them in the garden.

Their haul was 5 creme egg sized eggs each of various types. DD tried two of hers and wasn't keen. DS hasn't tried any of his as he had eaten a fair bit of chocolate given to him by my Mum and I told him he had had enough and could try his another day.

DH has taken it upon himself to take the remaining 8 eggs to work with him today to give out to his colleagues! DS came downstairs this morning and immediately asked where his eggs were (he didn't want to eat them at this point, just to look at his treasures the way kids do!)

I rang DH and he explained what he had done. His defence was that DD hadn't liked the eggs she tried so he thought he'd get them out of the house to stop temptation for us (we are both trying to lose weight at the moment)! Also I am vegan so don't eat milk chocolate so it's a mute point for me! I asked him if he had asked the children if he could take them? He said no. I said that I thought to take the children's eggs without even asking them was terrible and a really disrespectful thing to do - the eggs belong to the kids not him! I said that even if they didn't like them he should have asked them before he took them to give out to people the kids don't even know. DS hadn't even tried any of his eggs! I said that the decision for what to do with them if they didn't like them should have come from them! I asked him if he would do the same with their Christmas presents and he thinks I am being completely unreasonable and overreacting. So AIBU?

[curren]

He should have asked them but your sound like you are getting really worked up about it.

[Annecyinyourpantsy]

Yanbu. I would expect him to bring some replacement eggs home. Could you imagine being one of his colleagues and finding out you were eating a child's egg that they still wanted!

[areyoubeingserviced]

Yes you are overreacting

[MrsMermaid]

Not unreasonable. Should have asked the kids!

[Chillyegg]

Sorry why is op over reacting?
It's a fucking thoughtless thing to do! I get his logic but it's still not on.

[VeganCanBeFabulous]

I have calmed down and probably did overreact a bit. Sorry to drip feed but it is just another in a list of things he's done which I feel so not show the children enough respect for their feelings.

He has form for making decisions about stuff that affect them without asking their opinion first. I realise they are only little but I think children should be allowed to have things that are just theirs and shouldn't have them taken away without discussion. I think it teaches them to respect other people's stuff too.

Also I am annoyed that he has just buggered off to work and left me to deal with upset children. I spoke to him before he actually arrived at work and asked him to bring them home this evening.

[TimeToMuskUp]

Nope not BU, he was being rude taking something he knew wasn't his to take. Make him replace DS' eggs.

[neonrainbow]

The eggs belong to the kids he shouldn't have taken them.

[Peyia]

YANBU

It's the principle, right?

I wouldn't fall out over it so try not to get wound up whilst he's at work and just expect him to put it right when he's home.

What did you say to your son?

[VeganCanBeFabulous]

I have told him Daddy took them to work but will be bringing them back later. He seems happy with this explanation and hasn't asked why so I have just left it at that.

[areyoubeingserviced]

If OP's Dh is usually a thoughtless individual then there are deeper issues. However, if this is just a one off I wouldn't bother getting so upset about it. I may mention it, but that's about it.

[Annecyinyourpantsy]

Op I don't think you're over reacting. Quite right that dc need to have their own things and taught boundaries about taking from others.

[Believeitornot]

Yanbu

More than anything, what sort of example does this set to your children? An extreme example is telling a child not to shout by shouting at them.

[Peyia]

Cross post (Ahem slowest typing ever!)

Good, glad he's bringing them back. I agree children's feelings, thoughts should not be dismissed. I do however think there is a fine line between parent and child rather than 'friends' as discipline can get challenging otherwise - I know that's not what you meant though!

[2016ismyyear]

Awesome. He gets to play chocolate hero at work and you are left with the fall out at home.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

YANBU. You just don't take children's things off them arbitrarily like that. I'm also not keen on the fact that he thinks that if the eggs were in the house he'd be unable to resist the temptation to eat them. What is he, 6?

[miraclebabyplease]

Yanbu. Glad he is bringing them home.

[drivingmisspotty]

I don't have any advice but know where you are coming from. Went downstairs this morning to find DP had finished DD's egg from us overnight. Luckily he was still here and so I got her to take it up with him, he apologised and said he would give her some of his egg. (From experience he will now conveniently forget that promise so I will take her in a minute to choose which bits of his eggs she wants.)

In some ways I feel so petty. It's just an egg and we have tons of chocolate around. But it was hers and as you say it is showing disrespect for her property and setting a bad example.

It is so frustrating when similar things happen and he is at work! And in some ways it breaks my heart to see my children treated with so little regard for their feelings. He loves them, he does, but he doesn't think their wishes are as important as I do.

I just remember being a kid and how.much you want to grow up because it will give you power. Pretty much everything is decided for you as a child so giving appropriate choices and control over their property makes them feel more secure and in control.

Sorry that's a bit of a rant on your thread- it touched a nerve!

[Abed]

He sounds like a dick, is he always this thoughtless?

[SmallBee]

YANBU, that's really inconsiderate / thoughtless.
I agree he needs to realise your DC are people in their own right and he can't just take their stuff, anymore than thry could just take his stuff. He needs to apologise to them.

[feellikeahugefailure]

I think its an easy mistake to make.

I'd just wrap some rocks in silver foil. I think sugar is super harmful though. Pure white and deadly.

[JasperDamerel]

YANBU. It will do your children no good to be taught that if they don't eat all their chocolate at once it will be taken away. You absolutely can't tell to a child to save something for later and then, when "later" comes, say that they weren't using it so you've given it to someone else.

[OurBlanche]

You have got to find a way to get through to him!

My parents were wonderfully generous people. If a cousin wanted to learn to play guitar they would scout one out for them. Want to collect stamps? we have an old album to get you started. Want to ride a bike without stabilisers, we have one...

I used to come home from school and wonder: my guitar disappeared mid week before the yearly music night; my stamp album still had the packets of stamps I had bought with that week's pocket money; I rode my bike to school and off to my 'job' every day.

Then there were my stilts, roller skates, large dolls pram, complete with large doll and the clothes I made for her, kids weaving loom, spirograph and on and on and on

Oddly, DSis never lost stuff like that. She still has most of her childhood toys. But almost everything I ever had was repurposed to a cousin or a friend, usually within a year of my having received it as a present, or bought it with my own money.

Am I resentful? Maybe not so much any more, but for years I simmered, felt anxious bit my nails to the quick, couldn't relax at home. I resented quite a lot and ended up feeling quite unloved and unnecessary at home.

[WanderingNotLost]

YANBU. What a dick. The 'reason' behind it sounds like BS as well!