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AIBU?

To be annoyed that dh's employer seems to think we can magic childcare out of nowhere?

230 replies

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:00

Dh's hours enable him to take our dc to school and I collect. Dh has been put on a training course so 2 days a month he has to be in our nearest city (2 hours journey in morning traffic) and he has to be there at 9am. I can't go in late and make up the hours as I need to pick up dc. Breakfast club is filled in September so no space for random days. No childminders with spaces as again they get booked up in September. Plus I don't really want my dc to have to have a change in their routine which is why dh and I organised it so we are the ones to take and collect but that aside, what exactly do they expect us to do?

OP posts:

Report

Sighing · 27/03/2016 22:03

Take holiday? I realise that's tricky but that's generally what I'd have to do for unusual situations - the training isn't necessarily a regular occurence.

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:06

It's 2 days every month for 7 months. Plus I need and want to take holiday to cover school holidays (which are hard enough to cover with no family nearby). I usually start work at 8 so by doing school run I can't get in until 10am earliest.

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:07

I would use about a week of my 5 weeks holiday.

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MammaTJ · 27/03/2016 22:11

Do you have any friends who could help out?

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:22

None that can fit 3 car seats in plus their own dc. Trying to figure out how to divide the dc up so will need 2 dfs willing to take each of the days.

I'm just grumpy that dh just assumed I'd figure it out. He does morning school run every day yet I have to organise to cover him.

We've had a lovely weekend but I'm very tired and dh just mentioned this not realising it's a massive stress and yet another thing for me to take on. I've told him I'm at capacity right now after a crazy 2 weeks of work. I'm now on leave and he drops this on me. To be honest, unless he said "dragons do you want wine?" I was always going to be annoyed

OP posts:

flapmyfunnels · 27/03/2016 22:22

Could you take a couple of hours leave on each of those days to start late after drop off? At least then you won't use up too much leave.

Cornettoninja · 27/03/2016 22:22

Can you take a/l in hours so you can start late but not have any hours to make up? If there is really no alternative or favours you can call in maybe your employer would accept you taking those hours unpaid.

Permanentlyexhausted · 27/03/2016 22:24

Does his training course require him to work longer hours than usual? If so, he should ask for that time off in lieu and then he can look after the children while you work extra hours. Then you can take them in. Would that work?

Or you do what I do and find friends who can take them for you. Just reciprocate by having a stream of after-school playdates.

I realise you said you didn't want them to change their routine, but it sounds as though you'll have to. You can't expect your DH's work to accommodate your children's routine.

Cornettoninja · 27/03/2016 22:25

Or you insist your dh arranges to pickup/sort out other arrangements a couple of days a month so you can make up your hours

RubbleBubble00 · 27/03/2016 22:29

after school places for later pick up?

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:30

It would use a week of annual leave. I will have to beg favours but hate doing it. I do so many favours but somehow when I need help nobody can.

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redskytonight · 27/03/2016 22:33

Well I think the odd day out of routine is to be expected in most jobs tbh. And 2 days a month isn't really a huge problem.
Is DH expecting you to sort it because you have the relationships with other school parents (which would be my assumption for how you'd get them to school)? Plus I bet the school breakfast club will be able to find the odd place come September - parents will have overbooked because not sure of arrangements.

Are your children all under 8? or didn't think there was an issue with childminder taking extras?

LIZS · 27/03/2016 22:34

Childminder for before school?

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2016 22:37

Do they have an after school club?

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:37

Yes all under 8. Dtds are reception and youngest in the class. No cm spaces, I've asked. Will try breakfast club but again they have been known to squeeze one in but not 3.

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BoboChic · 27/03/2016 22:38

Grandparents are the usual first port of call for this sort of thing.

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:38

No after school club. Basically many mums don't work so there's not a big need.

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m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:42

Grandparents live 4 hours away and other set 1.5 miles away and running own business.
I'm not trying to be difficult but our arrangements have been made to enable us to take and collect dc as other options are really not available.
I was finally feeling we had it sorted. It's so much more complicated than when we had 1.

OP posts:

witsender · 27/03/2016 22:42

2 days a month isn't a big ask. Can you take an hour's leave/toil for each one? Making a day's annual leave instead?

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:43

I.5 hours away not miles!

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AugustaFinkNottle · 27/03/2016 22:44

To be honest, your DH's employers pay him to work for them, it's hardly surprising if that's their priority.

treaclesoda · 27/03/2016 22:44

I feel for you. If I were in your situation, I'd be stuck too. I have never worked anywhere that would allow me to change my start time in order to facilitate my dh attending a training course, or to facilitate school drop off. No breakfast or after school clubs at my dcs school either (or at any of the schools in my area), and no grandparents to call on. I always feel like I am in a parallel universe when I read threads like this, as everyone seems to have such flexible employers.

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BettyBusStop · 27/03/2016 22:45

Could you go in early other days to make the up the time in advance?

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:46

An hour's leave wouldn't be long enough each day. 1 hour x 14 days would still be 14 hours so not a day's leave. Maybe I'm missing what you mean. I'd need 2 hours per day so 28 hours leave. I work 30 a week.

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BettyBusStop · 27/03/2016 22:46

And I agree it's a pain in the arse. We have limited flexibility at present so could probably accommodate an odd day, but not 14 occasions.

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