To feel uncomfortable about this article 'advertising' children for adoption?

(33 Posts)
daysarespinningfast Thu 24-Mar-16 15:46:58

www.wigantoday.net/news/local/adoptive-family-needed-for-three-little-girls-1-7813896

Dogs, lovely, cats, yes, children - no.

AIBU?

MaidOfStars Thu 24-Mar-16 15:48:50

YABU. The priority is to find these girls a home. How that happens is by the by (short of financial incentive).

Chinesealan Thu 24-Mar-16 15:51:15

They always advertise. It's horrible in a way but desperate measures are needed when family groups need to stay together.
If this family isn't advertised less people know about them and it's more likely that in the future they'll be split apart.
As is often the case, one of these little girls has more needs than the others and if people don't take them all the danger us that she'll be split from them.

molyholy Thu 24-Mar-16 15:53:50

I think yabu. There is obviously nobody that wants to adopt them all together, so the agency is broadening their horizons, which can only be of benefit to the sisters.

Nocoffeenouppee Thu 24-Mar-16 15:54:53

YANBU to feel uncomfortable that it is necessary. YABU to think it shouldn't be done. They need a home. I don't imagine they'd mind too much how a prospective family found out about them.

Chinesealan Thu 24-Mar-16 15:58:04

There are also 'parties' where prospective foster/adoptive parents can interact with children they might be interested in.
Again, you might be uncomfortable with this but with a shortage if parents needs must.

GlitteryShoes Thu 24-Mar-16 15:58:33

Yabvu. These adverts keep children together, and often the people who require go on to adopt other children. What's unreasonable is people abusing their children so they have to be adopted.

SylviaWrath Thu 24-Mar-16 15:59:37

YABU. Their need for a home far outweighs your feelings on the methods used to go about that. It's done that way because it works, sometimes, and its not done lightly either.

Do you know much about adoption, OP?

IsItMeOr Thu 24-Mar-16 16:02:12

YABU. These adverts are never placed without careful consideration of what is in the children's best interests. I hope they find a family who can give them the love and care they need soon.

curren Thu 24-Mar-16 16:18:43

Yabu and Yanbu.

I am uncomfortable with it, for 2 seconds. It does feel like they are advertising dogs, kitchen furniture etc.

But then I realise that it's important to find them a home. And if this helps, so be it.

londonrach Thu 24-Mar-16 16:26:11

Yabu. What sweeties. I hope someone takes all on together. Would be awful to split them.

tedmundo Thu 24-Mar-16 16:31:20

Yabu - my god daughters were adopted and I'll never forget my best friend showing me the 'advert' and saying "I think these will be my children".

Not a dry eye in the house that day.

Advertising isn't romantic or 'Hollywood', but a necessary part of a long process.
But I do understand your discomfort.

TeenAndTween Thu 24-Mar-16 16:32:35

Hard to place children are regularly 'advertised' to people already going through the adoption process by magazines such as 'Be My Parent' and 'Children Who Wait'.

What is interesting in this case is that they have said you don't need to be an approved adopter to enquire. This strikes me as a) these children are very hard to place so they have to set the net wide, and b) potentially they have other sibling groups too, so advertising for one group may flush out others who may be suitable for other groups.

These girls will be very hard to place even without knowing details: 3 of them close in age, plus eldest is 5 and with delay. This may well be a last ditch attempt to keep the girls together. Otherwise it is likely they will consider splitting into a 1 and a 2.

However, they will need more than All they need is love, care and structure and to be together

JellyBellyKelly Thu 24-Mar-16 16:39:49

I found my (adopted) son and daughter through a similar advert.

At the time if adopting them we were told, had an adoptive family not been found for them within the next 3 months, their plan would have been changed to one of permanent fostering. That would have been a tragedy.

I understand why you don't like it (imagine what it was like trawling through hundreds of these ads in the hunt for our family and discounting all but 1 of them), but they are necessary.

SquinkiesRule Thu 24-Mar-16 16:49:17

YABU whatever it takes to get the children the right family is the right thing to do.
Some families aren't even thinking of adopting, then seeing a picture or article makes them think and decide to look into the process, that is a great result, more families looking for kids that will be part of their family.
I hadn't realized how many kids are waiting till some friends were adopting. They were given one of those wide file folders and it was full each page was another child. They ended up adopting three children.

SquinkiesRule Thu 24-Mar-16 16:50:07

the file folder was in the office, not taken home that would be wrong

NameAgeLocation Thu 24-Mar-16 16:57:01

In a perfect world it wouldn't be necessary, but sadly we don't live in a perfect world.

I really hope they are able to stay together and can find a loving and supportive home.

daysarespinningfast Thu 24-Mar-16 17:01:30

I think it goes without saying we all hope that, but I really don't like this article.

Sylvia, I do, yes.

OzzieFem Thu 24-Mar-16 19:03:19

What a shame. My sister and BIL tried to adopt a child decades ago, as she only ever had the one child. The hoops you had to go through in Australia was ridiculous and they eventually gave up. They were eventually told that because my BIL was nearing 40 they would only be considered for a handicapped child adoption. sad

JellyBellyKelly Thu 24-Mar-16 19:31:49

I think it goes without saying we all hope that, but I really don't like this article.

Can you articulate why?

For me, there's the question of the privacy of the child/children.

But it has to be offset against the advantages.

HarlotBronte Thu 24-Mar-16 19:38:29

Understandable to feel uneasy about it. It would be better if children didn't have to be paraded in the paper like this. But needs must. Social Services must give them every chance of finding a home.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 24-Mar-16 19:39:39

I understand what you're saying but the most important thing is these children will be found homes. It's hardly as though someone who was not otherwise considering adoption will suddenly decide to adopt, children being a rather bigger commitment than a pet.

ShoppingBasket Thu 24-Mar-16 19:47:03

I don't see this particular advert as being that bad. However what is truly awful is an advert I heard on the radio for fostering which says you can earn up to 480 a week. Surely this attracts wrong types, who can play the caring card but in fact are only in it for the cash.

JellyBellyKelly Thu 24-Mar-16 19:49:07

I should have said.... It was only my DS's plan that would have been changed to permanent fostering due to his age.

Social Services would have still pursued a plan of adoption for my DD.

So they would have been separated (there's very little question in my mind that DD would have been adopted).

They are so close, the thought is a truly upsetting one for me.

JellyBellyKelly Thu 24-Mar-16 19:52:02

I don't see this particular advert as being that bad. However what is truly awful is an advert I heard on the radio for fostering which says you can earn up to 480 a week. Surely this attracts wrong types, who can play the caring card but in fact are only in it for the cash.

Like it or not, fostering is a job.

The selection process is relatively rigorous. Yes, some bad apples get through but in a job, people want to know the salary (and £480 a week = £2.86 an hour. Hardly likely to attract the 'get rich quick' types!!)

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