to still be offended by this teacher?

(193 Posts)
danieladarling Wed 23-Mar-16 20:37:53

Our children are half Brazilian and half Jamaican. My youngest DS2 is VERY fair but has light brown afro hair (not a big afro), a dusky tone to his skin and greeny blue eyes. He had a parent's evening last Thursday and my DH got there first. I was dropping off our older son at rugby and was a little bit late. When my DH arrived, he sat down at a chair with a sign that had our son's name on it. You know the typical parent's evening setup. After about a minute of sitting, one of the teachers came up and said to him "Hi, I think you're in the wrong chair. This is for ****'s parents. Maybe you should sit at your child's table instead." My DH then replied, "No, *I am ******s dad*". She laughed and said, "No, seriously you should probably move. When his parents come, they'll want to sit there". Again he explained that he was DS2's dad. confused She then walked away from him and came back with the headteacher! They both asked him to move away from the table and exit the school! [shocked] So he did. We arrived at the school (Me and DS2) and he was standing by the gates looking a bit upset. I asked him what he was doing there and we went inside. We then sat down at the table and began to listen to teachers talk about DS2. I wanted to give those women a piece of my mind but DS2 and my DH begged me not to. [embarrassed]I can tell that my DH is still upset about it. I'm thinking of lodging a complaint but I need my trusty mumsnetters to tell me whether I'm being a drama queen!
I'm the Brazilian parent, he's the Jamaican, if that wasn't clear.

BumWad Wed 23-Mar-16 20:39:50

I'd be absolutely fuming. Complain complain complain.

(That could happen to me - I look a completely different colour to my mixed race DS)

spanieleyes Wed 23-Mar-16 20:41:32

Offended, I'd be incandescent ( and as a teacher I'm usually supportive) I would complain formally to the Chair of Governors-as the Head was involved.

heavenlypink Wed 23-Mar-16 20:41:46

I would be pissed off and would write a letter. Not necessarily to complain but to suggest that maybe staff had some sort of training maybe in diversity

ihatethecold Wed 23-Mar-16 20:41:56

That's not good at all. I would be very upset at that situation

MammaTJ Wed 23-Mar-16 20:42:20

Yes, I am not one to be easily offended but this is offensive!

HeartShapedBox Wed 23-Mar-16 20:42:25

I'd complain. They made an assumption based on your son's and partners skin tone, which just isn't on.

MrsSteptoe Wed 23-Mar-16 20:43:45

How unimaginably stupid. I don't know if I'd complain or not, OP, but I think that now a week has gone by, it'll have more credibility if you are clear as to why you have waited a week to raise it. Preferably without saying "It's taken me a week to realise that you really are that stupid and it wasn't all a dream."

blueskyinmarch Wed 23-Mar-16 20:43:47

That is very weird. Has your DP never been in the school before? How old is DS? I would be very angry.

OddBoots Wed 23-Mar-16 20:44:06

I don't blame you at all, the fact the HT was involved in this is all the more shocking. Families come in so many different ways teachers shouldn't be making assumptions about any attributes of parents.

MrsPigling Wed 23-Mar-16 20:44:38

YANBU and not in any way a drama queen. Definitely complain to Governors in writing. Did the teacher not apologise at all when she realised the mistake?

MrsDeVere Wed 23-Mar-16 20:44:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spanky2 Wed 23-Mar-16 20:44:51

That's appalling. How rude and offensive. Complain to the chair of governors as they are the school's employers. No point complaining to just the headteacher as they were complicit to this absolute shocker.

PreAdvent13610 Wed 23-Mar-16 20:44:58

Jaw drop moment. You are not being a drama queen, the teachers were bloody rude. As the head teacher was involved, go straight to the board of governors.
People get suspended and or dismissed for this behaviour.
Your husband has the patience of a saint.

Buzzardbird Wed 23-Mar-16 20:45:11

Did you say anything to them at the time?

Orda1 Wed 23-Mar-16 20:46:41

Wtf. Even if he wasn't his biological dad, why on earth would she say anything?!

spanky2 Wed 23-Mar-16 20:46:43

I meant in writing. Tbh I was still really shocked.

Shallishanti Wed 23-Mar-16 20:47:23

YANBU at all, that is really offensive and upsetting for your DS, I would complain formally to the governors as the HT was party to this behaviour, not just a silly mistake by one teacher.
What is your DS meant to understand by this? That his dad is 'wrong' somehow?
appalling
Upsetting for your DH, too of course.

fluffypenguinbelly Wed 23-Mar-16 20:47:53

That is the most random story I have ever heard! Why would a teacher assume that a black parent couldn't be the father? He could be the step father for all she knows. I have taught all types of families from all different backgrounds and would never assume anything. How bizzare. I would be asking more questions about this if I were you.

danieladarling Wed 23-Mar-16 20:48:31

No, she didn't apologise at all! angry And no DeVere no rural enclave anywhere in sight! What do you mean Buzzard?

Shallishanti Wed 23-Mar-16 20:49:22

It's a racist incident so will have to be formally recorded

Gatehouse77 Wed 23-Mar-16 20:49:24

I'd complain and I'm not one to do it over many things at all.

As I read through your post I was increasingly gobsmacked and appalled at the way your DH was treated! Beyond rude.

I'd expect a written apology from both the class teacher and head. Copy any communications to the Governors and keep a paper trail. If you have any verbal interactions follow them up with a letter clarifying what you understood from the conversation. Just in case not because I expect you to have to use any of it.

MidnightVelvetthe5th Wed 23-Mar-16 20:49:32

How old is your son, has your dp never been to a parent's evening for either child before? Has the head never seen him?

How odd

ailbhel Wed 23-Mar-16 20:49:58

That's completely out of order.

Euphemia Wed 23-Mar-16 20:51:12

How bizarre! Dreadful! Complain! YANBU.

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