And how can I deal with this better? My talkative 12 year old daughter is very articulate and would be wonderful in a political chamber because she is so persuasive and could talk the hind leg off a donkey, but right now I am at a loss what to do. She has a dreadful temper, she gets whipped up into a crazy frenzy of indignation and hard-done-by that just sparks so quickly and escalates into screaming sobbing rows. She was supposed to be doing something productive this afternoon after school, even if it was going for a run or swim or revising for a science test, but it was one of those battles not worth having partly because my youngest has a temperature and out of sorts today, so I just left her to get on with what she wanted to do and didn't push it. Frustrated because her own iPod is broken, she decided instead to watch netflix on the upstairs computer and shouted down asking for the password. I couldn’t hear her, and with the little one lying on my lap I wasn’t going to go running up to hear better and so it began. Eventually she stomped downstairs audibly huffing that people couldn’t be bothered to move to help her, like EVER. And then threw a major strop when I said I wasn’t going to help her now or give her the password anyhow because of her lousy attitude and that if she treated people like that in the outside world she could expect the same reaction. Cue a total melt down, involving a tirade of abuse and her chucking a spoon (she happened to have it in her hand) at me. This is not the first time she has thrown something at me, a couple of months ago it was a pen, and it hit me in the head. I was furious that she had done it again. She came back in and shouted an apology with a “but you etc. etc. etc.” and then went off and calmed down a bit. Half an hour later and she is expecting everything to be back to normal and asking for a new iPod. I say “Um, not good enough. I need to sit down and have a think about boundaries, acceptable behaviour and just how to prevent this aggressive behaviour happening again.” Cue another meltdown, proper full on screaming sobs about how it takes two people to argue etc. etc. and that SHE understands, but I am just SO unreasonable (she really is a talker, I genuinely wasn’t getting a word in edgeways. And so persuasive at stages I am truly questioning myself.) So I lose it and say if she EVER like EVER throws something at me or anybody else in anger again there would be serious real life consequences. i.e. not simply losing pocket money or screen time, but going to a head teacher or something like that. (Haven’t a clue what the serious consequence would be tbh. Suggestions welcome.) Cue more complete hysterics. Her rages properly terrify me. I’m worried she is going to go and do something stupid just to "show me", or because she is so clearly frustrated and full of her own furious indignation. I have no idea how to control this, and if I reacted appropriately.
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What am I doing wrong? 12 year old temper tantrums and arguments.
23 replies
Putty · 23/03/2016 19:33
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