To feel really pissed off?

(14 Posts)
flixybelle Sun 20-Mar-16 22:47:46

This is long and complicated so please bear with me.
I rent a house(left to us by family) out to my best friend of 15 years she moved in with her son after she had bad postnatal depression and her house got into such a state her landlord threw her out. We knew she was going to be messy (read disgusting) and no doubt trash the place. So her being my best friend we agreed to no deposit and minimal rent (that she could afford) but on the agreement that we would not do anything decoratively to the house (in good repair but very old fashioned everything.) About 2 years into it she had trashed the place so we went in and painted the place cream, cleaned etc and upped the rent to cover the cost (still at a rate she can afford) Fast forward to this year and her son (my Godson who I adore ) was diagnosed with cancer as her friend I wanted to help so I offered to clean her house (knowing it was a mess.) No one has been allowed in for over a year no family etc. I know stupid us, but the plan was always to ripped it all out and do it up entirely when she moved out. Also to add that before she moved in a local estate agent said we would have queue for the house as it is a large house, in a good area, with very few private lets and we were happy to accept animals and benefits and we would have no problem selling either.

When we got in the house was far far worst than I could have imagined it was truly awful think Kim and Aggy meet that hoarding programme and you have an idea. They had nothing, no beds, just old mattress on the floor, no clean clothes her room was like a literal squat piled high with rubbish and dirty clothes so you couldn't see the carpet her cat had poohed, weed EVERYWHERE and it hadn't been cleaned up. We thought the ceiling had fallen in the living room because of the debris but it was actually food and dirt. There was a slow leak from the bathroom which had caused damaged into the kitchen. The back door was smashed to pieces. She is a lovely person and no one would have guessed how bad it was. As she is going through hell I thought that I had to rise above and really help as there was no way social service/health professionals would allow her to live there and she really wanted to come 'home.'

So I got my family and friends in and we cleaned the place (50 bin bags and 8 tonne skip full of rubbish)her 'close knit' family refused to help. Anyway I then asked lots more people to help via facebook and decided to re decorate, both their bedrooms in their favourite colours/theme. Bought all new furniture, beds, sofa, re did the kitchen and bathroom. (The insurance wouldn't pay because we refused to evict.) Fixed the door and fences a SOS DIY type event all in a week!

I also have set up a fundraising page, plus events and have raised £5k in a few weeks. I also visited every week in hospital (60 miles away) and took them away for the weekend. (I haven't posted any of this except the fundraising but not in a look at me way on fb) plus set up a bank account and arranged loads of special things (all with lots of help from lovely people.)

That's when it got nasty, her family accused me of trying to use his illness to make a profit on the house despite the fact I paid for everything(thousands) including new bedding, clothes etc. The only thing I got for free was labour (I was upfront with everyone they knew it was our house) and my family and me spent every spare hour there despite having 2 DD and full time jobs. They came home after 5 weeks in hospital to a lovely 'new' home. They cried and hugged and he was over the moon with his new room. Her family came and told me that it was all my responsibility as a landlord anyway so why was I behaving like it was a nice thing to do? Then they asked if the cat could move back in and I said no I was then accused of being a heartless monster taking a pet from an ill child, I offered to take the cat to a family member of mine so he could visit etc. I wish could explain the damage and mess this cat (never goes outside) had made

I know that in the face of a devastating illness this is small fry BUT

AIBU to feel really pissed off and massively upset at their behaviour? Also am I heartless, I really feel it is for the best and my friend doesn't want the cat anyway as she knows how bad she let it get.

Shakey15000 Sun 20-Mar-16 22:53:04

Of course you're not heartless. It sounds like you have done over and above what anyone else may have done. Is she receiving any professional help for her issues? I think you may need to be prepared that it all might happen again hoarding wise.

Birdsgottafly Sun 20-Mar-16 22:57:10

That's people for you, unfortunately.

If the mess/hoarding starts to happen again, which it more than likely will, then for the sake of the children, contact SS.

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Mar-16 22:57:11

Do her family know just how bad it was? If not, then I can kind of see how they might get the wrong end of the stick, and think that you're using a sick child to get people to help decorate for free.

Perhaps you should put them straight on it?

Not least because somewhere in all this, there is a child being forced to live in filthy disgusting conditions.

Someone needs to make sure he never has to live like that again, either with or without cancer.

TheTroubleWithAngels Sun 20-Mar-16 23:03:25

I think her family could have seen this happen too many times to her and are trying to prompt her to stand on her own two feet and not rely on others (in a rather misguided way, admittedly).

Really if you are a landlord you shouldn't have let it get so bad. And it's not the cat's fault either.

Chocolatteaddict1 Sun 20-Mar-16 23:08:54

Really if you are a landlord you shouldn't have let it get so bad. And it's not the cat's fault either

^ that's actually easier said than done.

Op you did a good job, they are trying to piss in your chips - ignore.

RubbleBubble00 Sun 20-Mar-16 23:15:58

smile, nod and ignore. Many people still wouldn't be friends in this situation and would have evicted - you have shown a heart of gold. Completely ignore. Could you put a weekly cleaning service in place with a small rent increase if she can afford it to try and keep on top of the house - had this in a rather fancy student let house that the wonders didn't want turned into a pit.

RubbleBubble00 Sun 20-Mar-16 23:16:41

wonders = owners

flixybelle Sun 20-Mar-16 23:20:36

Yes they knew how bad it was I sent photos when I asked for help. I told them how bad it was and they saw the skip on the drive. I won't allow it to get that bad I have told her like it or not I am coming round once a fortnight for a cup of tea and catch up. She has made mess before twice but not on this level and they didn't help then either. I understand that as a LL we should have checked but she's very private and doesn't like people in her home. I was respecting that I realise that was a mistake. We have another place we rent out and we don't do check ups there either just every now and the usually when something needs fixing never had an issue at all I hate LL inspections they make you feel like its not your home I don't want to do that to anyone.

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Mar-16 23:21:12

I'm a bit confused though as to how she spent 5 weeks at the hospital, without ever popping home for anything...even to feed the cat?

flixybelle Sun 20-Mar-16 23:23:48

Thank you rubble I was beginning to doubt myself they were just so mean.
I have offered a cleaning service with a rent increase, but her mum (the least awful lol) has said she will help out and won't let it get bad again and that a cleaning person may actually encourage her to be even messier.

flixybelle Sun 20-Mar-16 23:26:33

Worra the cat went to her mums house and she never came back at all. They actually came out of hospital for a few days but they stayed with her parents or with us as the house was so bad, they bought new everything for the time they were away. They took a few bit from the house when they first went in.

IAmNotAMindReader Sun 20-Mar-16 23:37:32

The relatives are making a noise and deflecting attention to you so that people don't ask them where they were when all of this was going on and where was there help when things got bad.

ClarenceTheLion Sun 20-Mar-16 23:43:32

Attack is the best form of defence...

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