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AIBU?

to not go and meet BIL?

16 replies

ethelb · 19/03/2016 10:32

BIL is coming to stay with us for the w/e. He is coming from a place about 2 hours by train from London. We live 45-60 mins from the London train station he is coming into.
DH has agreed to meet him there and then do something with him in the afternoon in central London before coming home. I agreed to accompany him.
Thing is, BIL still hasn't given us a time when he is going to arrive. He gas just told us he is 'aiming to arrive in London for 1ish' despite us asking for a train time.
To provide a bit of background, BIL has consistently been about 4 hours late to previous meetups/engagements. His relationship with his parents, his mother in particular is very strained as a result of this as she drives herself to near hysteria over his lateness. His/her behaviour has almost ruined a couple of family events.
I don't want to trek across London to wait for hours in a train station and have told DH. He says I am being unreasonably inflexible and controlling.

Am I?

OP posts:

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Patterkiller · 19/03/2016 10:42

Let DH go alone if wants to potentially waste four hours of his life, or compromise and ask DH to call you when he has met him then you travel in. That way it will be bil waiting for you. Hate hate hate lateness.

clam · 19/03/2016 10:48

Go and do something nice in London,just you and your dh, and then arrange to meet bil at some point after his train gets in. He may have to wait around for you to finish your plans though.

littleleftie · 19/03/2016 10:49

Just let DH go on his own - why do you need to go with him?

exexpat · 19/03/2016 10:55

I wouldn't go, but if he's arriving on a train which takes 2 hours, can't your DH insist he texts to say when he's on the train?

Otherwise I would wait for him to call from the station and only then set off to meet him, so he is the one who gets to wait around at the station.

Hobbes8 · 19/03/2016 10:56

Can't he text you when he gets on a train? Gives you an hour to get ready and then an hour to get to the meeting place. Then you can just get on with your day.

Or you can go into London and get on with whatever you want to do there, and he can come and meet you when he arrives.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 19/03/2016 10:58

just go and have a nice day with your dh...

tell BIL you will be having lunch at X place and to come find you, if he fails to arrive, you can go home and dh can malinger about the station.

Pinkheart5915 · 19/03/2016 11:01

I'd go to London with dh find something to do with him, maybe lunch and have a wine somewhere and enjoy the when bil arrives he can join you.
Or
Dh could go on his own, Then he can do something with his brother.

SmallBee · 19/03/2016 11:02

I either wouldn't go, or plan to do something with DH and BIL can just join you when he shows up.

OzzieFem · 19/03/2016 11:04

If BIL is over 21 I'm sure he can find his own way to your place. Why does he need to be met? He's not coming to outer siberia.

Gizlotsmum · 19/03/2016 11:05

I'd get bil to text once he is on the train. Or do a full day in London, meeting him when convienient and he has confirmed he has arrived. 4 hours late is just rude.

pinkyredrose · 19/03/2016 11:09

If you know he's usually up to four hours late then just say to your DH to aim to get there for 5pm? If Bil gets there earlier and has to wait well that shouldn't be a problem should it as Bil is already aware that lateness is normal as he always does it himself. Shouldn't mind when it happens to him then.

DurhamDurham · 19/03/2016 11:09

Either stay home and enjoy the time you have to yourself or go with your husband and find something good to do, bil can text as his train gets and and you can arrange to meet him. I wouldn't be hanging about in a train station as that's a bit grim.....even the M&S food halls get a bit boring after a while

NeedACleverNN · 19/03/2016 11:32

Why can't he text when he's on the train?

GabiSolis · 19/03/2016 11:38

Normally lateness would really piss me off but in central London I wouldn't care as much. I quite like having a wander along the river on my own or going round a museum at my own pace.

I would tell BIL to text when he's on the train.

ethelb · 19/03/2016 12:53

BIL has now told us his train will be in at 3.24. FFS. But at least he told us.
DH is pissed off as he wanted to show BIL round a museum but is wondering what the point is now.
I have suggested BIL just come straight here but DH is not entertaining it.

OP posts:

Inertia · 19/03/2016 12:58

I'd just leave them to sort it between themselves, frankly. That way DH can't take his frustration with his brother out on you.

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