DD is calling social services on me in the morning

[moodymelting]

DD is 13 and has turned Kevin and Perry overnight.
She has turned into a nightmare.
When ever she is told off she resorts to telling me to 'go away and leave her alone and name calling or covering her ears shouting la la la . She will NEVER admit she is in the wrong or apologise. She will do nothing at all to help in the house.

She spilt sweets she had bought all over my bedroom floor along with cut up tights and cardboard she had been messing with. I asked her twice to move it and she refused resorting to her go away and leave me alone tactic. When I did not back down she has gone mad! She walked into the kitchen and tipped my rubbish bin all out on the floor saying she was not picking it up and I could.

Apparently I want a perfect child because she's never done anything wrong, I am selfish, mean, she hates me. I'm a rubbish Mum and she would be better off with a different Mum than me who is a tight mess because I have refused to go tomorrow to pick up something for her when she's behaved like this.
Oh and she barricaded the room door shut with a chair so I couldn't go to bed.

I have told her that if she likes I will dial the number myself and I am sure they will rush right over to a child behaving like a total brat in-between dealing with the neglected kids who have no clothing/food or being abused

How on earth do you deal with the teen strops????!!!
N/C btw as everyone on my Facebook will know my user name otherwise!

[FlyRussianUnicorn]

Ignore her.

Won't move her shit? Fine. Don't cook her tea, don't wash her clothes, don't take her anywhere. If you just continue to argue with her and don't take away the things she takes for granted then why is she going to stop? Teenagers don't give a shit about being shouted at. I guarantee she will care when she wakes up tomorrow to find she has to make her own breakfast or to find her phone confiscated for the weekend.

[AgentZigzag]

Hahahaha the little bugger.

I just used to laugh at DD (who's 15 now) and tell her she'd better get on to Childline about me whenever she thought she was hard done by.

Although there are times where she'll fuck me off big time but then she knows about it. I take electronic stuff off her or stop her money, make her do housework (all the crappy jobs you don't want to do) when things have calmed down etc, depends on what she's done.

It's OK, you've only got another 5 odd years to go

[YouTheCat]

Change the wifi password and don't give her it until she behaves in a reasonable manner.

[moodymelting]

I have told her that she is not getting pocket money off either me or her grandparents tomorrow and that next week she can do all the household chores I have to do in the house for the week.
She said she is going to go with social services to someone nice (damn you Tracy Beaker) because I am horrid, selfish, tight and I told her I hope she enjoyed the choirs and pitching in jobs she would have to do in a foster home...

[moodymelting]

Glares at Agent and five years to go. Five years????!!!
Sobs loudly into Gin

[TendonQueen]

I hope she does go to someone and gets told what a foolish girl she's being. Imagine the scene when she tells them her tyrannical mother asked her to pick up her own mess and how she herself reacted. No advice but good luck! Not quite clear on the bedroom door / chair thing - do you share a room?

[Betrayedbutsurvived]

Teenagers, gotta love em. Just smile and take another big gulp of wine.

It gets better, honest it does!

[moodymelting]

Tendon she went into my room and rammed the computer chair behind the door handle so I could not get in my own room then lay on my bed being smug.

[TendonQueen]

I've seen folk on here mention removing kids' bedroom doors altogether for a spell for bad behaviour. Might be an idea to keep in reserve. Plus if needsbe putting a lock on your door. Hopefully it won't come to that..

[AgentZigzag]

I know, at least 5...

The difference between 13 and 15 is huge though, I have a lot less shit off DD now than I used to and I genuinely enjoy spending time with her (not that I didn't then but she's a lot more rational now) The adult/child ratio in her has shifted towards her being more adult, if that makes sense.

She also spends a lot of time out with her friends, which brings with it other problems of dealing with them being out and about without you, but in other ways it's great because you can then do your own stuff without all the mithering

[mommy2ash]

Tell her do it but be prepared to deal with the outcome. It's always best to show zero fear at threats as they are designed to scare you. I would start implementing punishments that she will care about. She should be hugely punished for locking you out of your own room.

[LanaorAna1]

Withdraw services of all kinds but keep talking if she talks to her. Hold your nerve.

[moodymelting]

The problem is there is not much she cares about.
She only has a cheap phone she doesn't use much.
She hardly goes out.
She is not a huge internet user.
Last time I removed her X box she forgot after two days and has not played on it since (months later) even though she was told she could.

She can do extra chores next week though!

[bettyberry]

I'm getting this from my 8yo. Putting passwords on PS3, wifi and laptop worked. Good behaviour earns an unlock!

Mine has done all of the above even throwing rubbish about. That time I picked up all his toys in put them in a bin bag. You will not believe how quickly he cleaned up after himself.

[moodymelting]

Wasn't there a lady who went on strike and did a blog? Maybe I should do that...

She will soon moan when she has no clean pe kit because It is down the back of the bed.

[moodymelting]

I wonder if I can put a pin on the tv...

[liinyo]

I am so glad this phase of our family life is over. I am going to say you have to be firm. As other posters have said, turn off Internet, take phone away, whatever is 0f value to her, remove it until she meets your expected levels of behaviour - and be very consistent about what those are. All easier said than done I know! But you are not being unreasonable so stick to your guns.

More importantly, big her up for every tiny little bit of good behaviour. Praise her, thank her, appreciate her. Teenagers are so much more like toddlers than we normally appreciate. They need love and fuss and attention and to feel that they matter. I wish I had known that 10 years ago, I would have done some things differently.

[elephantoverthehill]

Stay horribly and unnervingly calm. Teenagers love seeing others 'lose it' it helps them justify their turmoils. Do the broken record thing. Do the 'I am really upset thing'. Try not do the the 'clash of horns' thing. I hope this is good advice that I may try and stick to.

[AgentZigzag]

You need to get her a better phone to give yourself leverage

I was going to say about your earlier post, I'm not sure you should involve her GP's pocket money (not yours to bargain with) or pile on too much punishment for what she's done tonight.

Much more effective to have one punishment per crap behaviour else it ends up with her not bothering to behave because she's always paying off her backlog of punishments, so why bother?

I would probably take her pocket money for tipping the rubbish and get her to do one of your worst jobs (cleaning the oven or fridge or sweeping up outside) for locking you out of your own fucking room.

Plus she has to back down and apologise for being a little shit her behaviour. Is she likely to do that when she's calmed down?

[AgentZigzag]

Definitely agree with liinyo on teenagers acting like toddlers and sometimes treating them the same does the trick.

[moodymelting]

Good point Agent, I will take it on board, just difficult when they have been so ermm lovely and don't seem to care.

I doubt it, she usually says it in a snotty voice or tells me to leave it.

[AgentZigzag]

I know, just don't let her draw you in to her drama, try to sit outside it and see it/her as we (on MN) would see it, maybe with a bit of humour if you can whilst trying not to throttle her.

She might say and look as though she doesn't care but she probably does, and what you think of her will mean a lot, even though she'd rather eat her own eye balls than admit it. She's just testing out the adult in her.

You'll laugh about it through gritted teeth when she's 20 odd and can plot your revenge in the meantime.

[Cleebope]

My Dd used to threaten daily to ring Childline. Now she's 14 and turning out nicely, thank you. Starting to appreciate all I do for her. It's a silly phase. Wish I'd had childline as a kid, would've exposed a family secretor two. Teenagers make me laugh and cry simultaneously.

[maydancer]

You posted this at 11.20 pm.I should imagine she has been at school all week and tired.is she premenstrual? I know none of these things are excuses but they may be reasons.Sometimes when they are tired and under the weather , these batlles just aren't wortrh fighting.Sometimes it is better just to walk away and everyone calm down rather than let things escalate.

[AuditAngel]

I believe in a punishment matching the crime.

While she is barricaded in your room, I would be removing her bedroom door. She can earn it back