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AIBU?

To think this ladies opinion on kissing children on the mouth was a bit extreme?

166 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 13/03/2016 21:43

I was watching a discussion on the TV on Friday morning which centred on children kissing their parents on the mouth.

It was a group discussion but they typically had one woman arguing why it was fine and one woman saying it wasn't and if I remember correctly they both had qualifications in psychology and child development etc.

The woman who was anti kissing children said that in order to teach our children appropriate behaviours (in relation to what an intimate act is) then parents should stop kissing children on the mouth when they are 18 months old. I was listening to her in disbelief and most of the people involved in the discussion looked quite shocked too.

She went on to say that if parents kissed their child on their mouth at this age and older then the children may go on to kiss their grandparents or caregivers on the mouth (specifically mentioning childminders and nursery workers) and then said something along the lines of, "And then where is the line drawn in that child's eyes as to what is appropriate kissing behaviour?"

I have a 2 year old who I kiss on the mouth all the time and I have no problem with him kissing others on the mouth either.

I appreciate there comes a point where a child, or the other person involved, may feel uncomfortable about kissing on the lips, but surely a cut off point of 18 months is a bit extreme?

OP posts:

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HeffalumpHistory · 13/03/2016 21:47

Ds (4) nursery manager kisses him on the mouth. If asked previously I might have said a bit weird if a non family member but actually she doesn't bother me. He adores her.
I'm sure I'll be told I'm wrong though

LynetteScavo · 13/03/2016 21:50

I think it's weird even before 18 months, so I wouldn't say this woman was being extreme, she was just arguing her case badly.

G1raffe · 13/03/2016 21:51

I find kissing on the mouth really really odd but there was a thread recently on here (where they got their material from!?!?) which suggested some parents do!

A lot was cultural /what you were used to.

Floggingmolly · 13/03/2016 21:53

I think it's odd too. I really wouldn't like nursery staff kissing kids on the mouth; that's incredibly inappropriate.

UnhappyNeedHelp · 13/03/2016 21:56

I agree with her and her reasoning. I was never kissed on the mouth as a child, and I wouldn't kiss a child on the mouth.

That's not to say that's right though! We all do things differently.

Writerwannabe83 · 13/03/2016 21:59

A lot was cultural /what you were used to.

I wasn't raised in an affectionate environment at all, my mom never even hugged me, let alone kissed me, yet I'm seriously affectionate with my DS. Maybe I do it because I hated never having any affection from my own mother.

OP posts:

Mousefinkle · 13/03/2016 22:07

Aside from that phase toddlers seem to go through of slobbery open mouthed kisses which I could obv never refuse , I don't kiss my DC on the mouth and never got kissed on the mouth (to my knowledge) by my parents either. Always cheek kissing if any at all... My mother wasn't overly affectionate though so I don't remember many hugs or kisses TBH. I give my DC a kiss either on the cheek or top of their head. On the mouth kisses are reserved for lovers only.

I think it is a bit weird past a certain age... I wouldn't say as young as 18 months though.

Trills · 13/03/2016 22:08

Stop kissing on the mouth at 18 months?

Why would you START kissing on the mouth in the first place?

There are plenty of other ways to show affection.

It just feels a bit yuck to me.

G1raffe · 13/03/2016 22:09

I'm incredibly affectionate with mine. I still wouldn't kiss on the lips. Kiss all over the place and often but it would be v weird and feel inappropriate to kiss on lips!

G1raffe · 13/03/2016 22:09

Not to mention cold sore risk for small babies.

zaryiah · 13/03/2016 22:13

I hate these threads. People get all upright and accuse parents who kiss on lips as being "yuck" and inappropriate. It's just affection. Kids aren't stupid. Mine learned very quickly that you can cuddle daddy and follow mummy to the toilet but not to do it with random strangers or teachers.

ijustwannadance · 13/03/2016 22:19

Never thought anything of it until I watched the Billie Fraires baby diary programme and was a little repulsed at the way her DP's mum kissed him. Was just weird and a bit too long.

Pinkgeek · 13/03/2016 22:19

I don't have children so can't really comment on what I would do but my nephew (nearly 2) kissed me on the mouth on Friday and I now have a sore throat!
Kids are carriers of all sorts!! It's a health hazard! (Light hearted). He kisses everything as that is what he has been taught. Eww.

mommy2ash · 13/03/2016 22:25

I kiss my dd who is nine and my nieces who are 3 and 1 on the mouth. I will stop when they want to. I imagine it will phase out a lot younger with my nieces. I was sick last week and when the 3 year old came up to me for a cuddle and I asked her to kiss my cheek instead of my lips she didn't take that too kindly lol I had to explain it's cos I didn't want her to get sick. My dd kisses my parents on the lips but she has never kissed any other adults or caregivers

teeththief · 13/03/2016 22:31

My DD kisses me on the lips when she's goes in to school. She's 9. Are other parents looking at me as if I'm a weirdo then? paranoid now!

PestilentialCat · 13/03/2016 22:32

Kissing on the mouth is sexual IMO. I only kiss DH on the mouth through choice. Some friends' DH's & male friends try to kiss on the mouth & I don't like it.

HRMumness · 13/03/2016 22:33

Aside from that phase toddlers seem to go through of slobbery open mouthed kisses which I could obv never refuse

We call them awkward date kisses in our house Obviously we are a cheek kisses only house. My 16 month old has finally got the message and just slobbers on my cheek now instead.

G1raffe · 13/03/2016 22:33

I would have done teeth prior to the mumsnet thread recently! Only in a "that's a bit weird" way though not actually thinking any less of you. to be honest I'm not sure I've seen it or been looking closely enough!

I'm happy to believe the ick/ weird factor is cultural though.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 13/03/2016 22:34

I never kiss mine on the lips -

It is weird and babies are slobbery and full of germs - no thanks

Plenty of other ways to be affectionate. I would look at someone who did this a bit odd.

(I know pet owners who do this to their dogs - which is worse, cos you know where they've been)

Oysterbabe · 13/03/2016 22:35

DD is only a teeny and it wouldn't occur to me to kiss her on the mouth, I'd find it odd and it wouldn't feel right. I don't find it weird if others do it with their DC though.

CocktailQueen · 13/03/2016 22:35

Jeez. I still kiss dd (12) on the lips, and DS (8). They know not to kiss other random adults.

Of course kissing on the lips isn't just sexual, just as breasts aren't just sexual.

PestilentialCat · 13/03/2016 22:36

Agree breasts are not sexual

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NorksAreMessy · 13/03/2016 22:38

COLD SORES

VelvetCushion · 13/03/2016 22:40

I think its odd. What about coldsore virus?

CocktailQueen · 13/03/2016 22:41

What about cold sores? Nobody is saying you should kiss anyone if you have cold sores!

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