Aibu to think I have the dullest family ever!

(35 Posts)
lessthanBeau Sun 13-Mar-16 17:11:34

Been with DP 18 years and getting married in 3 weeks, we have dd7 two oldest dc flown the nest, so it's just the three of us at home. My DP in 18 years has never once suggested that we do anything or go anywhere, everything we do is my idea, no meals out he'd rather have take out at home, weekends and days off, if I didn't make plans, would be spent in front of TV or on the computer, unless he's doing diy which I've decided needs doing or else we'd still be looking at the same 4 walls we had 18 years ago! He works with Computers, job not very stressful, in fact he's had the same job since leaving college as it's easy for him to not bother looking for anything else, luckily he's great at his job so has had good promotions in spite of his lack of ambition. Don't think I'm doing him down, because I do love him lots and he's a great guy, but if I didn't organise everything we'd do nothing at all.
Now DD is getting as bad as he is, she has discovered Minecraft and YouTube and that's all she thinks about, I take her swimming, skating, to the park, lots of things yet she can't seem to enjoy any of it, she's just thinking about screens all the time, of course DP thinks nothing of it as this is how he spent his childhood. When DD was smaller I used to take her for days out alone as I couldn't be bothered having to talk DP in coming with us, now she's gone over to the dark side too!
Should I just give up and let them get on with it, I'm starting to feel like I'm just dragging them in my wake, sulking and thinking they'd rather be home on the internet. It's no fun for anyone then!
Do I have the dullest family? Is everyone else enjoying their quality time together?

theycallmemellojello Sun 13-Mar-16 17:13:58

That does sound grim. I'd try and make some friends or take up a hobby - you don't need to drag some old stick-in-the-muds with you if they're not into it.

theycallmemellojello Sun 13-Mar-16 17:15:00

Are you having a honeymoon?

lessthanBeau Sun 13-Mar-16 17:17:57

We're getting married in Vegas so kind of a twofer, my idea! DD staying with bil, DP looking forward to that, I've organised trips and shows. He's sorted out our connectivity and selfie stick!

pinkyredrose Sun 13-Mar-16 17:18:06

Why marry him now?

CookieDoughKid Sun 13-Mar-16 17:18:24

Tough one that. IMO there are lots of people only men I know actually that are just happy with their lot and want nothing more than a takeout and watch TV during their time off. A lot of it is connected to their lack of ambition. They don'y want anything more and they don't do more. They have a right to spend their time as they wish and so do you. I think you'd feel better to lessen your expectation on your dh and do whats fulfilling for yourself. Kids change and they grow and they will find themselves. I'd definitely discourage screen time if they over do but encourage them to find their own hobbies outside of your 4 walls.

FWIW - I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I have an alpha husband, I am alpha A type personality and so are my kids. They are under 8 but already competing for World Championship Junior sports in their category and excel in everything. But it's exhausting for me. As they have about 8 clubs a week and never ever want to sit down and do nothing. I've just learnt to accept it now!! Sorry not huge help but hope you can get peace with it .Somehow.

pinkyredrose Sun 13-Mar-16 17:20:48

Selfie stick!! I'd divorce someone for that alone! grin
It does sound pretty boring though OP, can you imagine being 80 and knowing that he never wanted to do anything ever and you've had to be the driving force behind the whole family.

CookieDoughKid Sun 13-Mar-16 17:21:09

However I look at my FIL. And he is like your dh. He's in his 60s. Retired. He actually does nothing but surf the web and tinker with his cabling and laptops. I see him once a year at Christmas as he hates going out yet likes 30mins away. But if that's what makes him happy so bet. MIL goes out and does stuff and they lead very very separate lives probably is seeing a bit on the side but that's life. They seem happy enough though.

lessthanBeau Sun 13-Mar-16 17:33:04

I'm marrying him because, he's funny, I love him, he's a great dad and he's a brilliant person, he just has no imagination, he enjoys stuff once I get him going, it would be just nice once in a while to have someone else say "hey fancy doing this or that at weekend"
The selfie stick is only because we'll be on holiday by ourselves with no one to hold the camera grin I usually wouldn't be seen dead with one!

DinosaursRoar Sun 13-Mar-16 17:56:47

I would sit him down and say you think too much screen time isn't good for DD, so think it's best you limit her to 1 hour a day, (maybe 2 at the weekend) TV and computer for a few months to see how she goes, but you need him to present a united front on this, perhaps he could help you draw up a list of 'things to do' ideas he or you could do with her/suggest she does instead.

If the TV doesn't go on in the day at the weekend (which he has to agree to as well), then she'll get bored and find other things to do.

pinkyredrose Sun 13-Mar-16 18:58:15

Shove a firework up his arse, might get him moving.

IonaNE Sun 13-Mar-16 19:05:21

I don't find this shocking or boring or anything. I like being at home reading - that's my sort of fun. As long as he is not preventing you from doing the activities you enjoy, I don't see any problem.

TrinityForce Sun 13-Mar-16 19:06:26

You know, there's just been a study done that suggests video games are actually good for kids intelligence? link here.

So she likes minecraft and youtube like her Dad, so what? 'Limit her screentime' bla bla, just let her be.

Find someone else to entertain you/go on walks/whatever, like a friend.

Brazenhussy0 Sun 13-Mar-16 19:12:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brazenhussy0 Sun 13-Mar-16 19:12:31

* I have an alpha husband, I am alpha A type personality and so are my kids. They are under 8 but already competing for World Championship Junior sports in their category and excel in everything.*

Branleuse Sun 13-Mar-16 19:17:51

minecraft for kids is a phase and theyre all into it. You just need to make sure you keep up the other activities, and maybe try and limit minecraft a bit more.

As for your dp, its not like hes stopping you from doing anything, and it sounds like hes happy to go along with your plans often enough. It doesnt sound particularly boring to me

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 13-Mar-16 19:25:08

You need to write this into your vows!

Seriously this would annoy me - you go out without him and let life pass him by

Branleuse Sun 13-Mar-16 19:32:30

my dp doesnt want to do half the things I want to do. We are different people and he has social anxiety. Life isnt passing anyone by. Life is still happening for introverts in just the way they like.

Trollicking Sun 13-Mar-16 19:33:36

It sounds like you are good at organizing things. He's just being lazy, it's not crime of the century and if he's a lovely guy otherwise then I could probably forgive him.

MadamDeathstare Sun 13-Mar-16 19:36:38

Is your DD interested in coding for games or apps as a career? Then it would make sense that she would play a lot of games, especially if she takes after her father. Maybe she would enjoy joining a maker space or robotics team? Maybe you and your DP would enjoy it too.

Yeh, maybe it works well enough Trollicking?

VulcanWoman Sun 13-Mar-16 19:39:50

Think of the positive, you can have it all your way grin enjoy Vegas!

NNalreadyinuse Sun 13-Mar-16 19:43:25

I don't think you can lake hom like what you like or be proactive about finding stuff to do, if he is pretty content as he is. Really, when you think about it, it's nice to go through life feeling content and not slways striving for the next thing. Ambition is an overrated quality imo - there is nothing wrong in liking your life and your job the way they are.

As for your dd, yes you should introduce her to lots of things as she is a child and won't know if she enjoys somethibg until she does it, but if she turns out to be a homebody, leave her be.

Just enjoy the fact that your dh has fun once you've actually organised something and that you get to choose and are not married to some bloke with shit hobbies you have to listen to him talk about wink

marshmallowpies Sun 13-Mar-16 19:44:42

My husband doesn't really do 'hobbies' of the usual man-type and is not a keen DIYer, but we don't sit around at weekends - we both like walking, so we go anywhere we can that we can walk a decent distance with a buggy, see some nice scenery and eat good cake at the end. I've no idea what he'd do at the weekends otherwise - I don't think he'd be paint balling or racing motorbikes - but probably the same sort of thing as we do now.

We don't do much other 'family' stuff like swimming together or cinema trips, but our DCs are still a bit young for that, I'm sure we'll do more of that in future.

ImperialBlether Sun 13-Mar-16 19:48:57

He's ignoring the addictive nature of the games - she's far too young to be spending all her time doing that.

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