To ask my OH to spend time with me?

(58 Posts)
NeedToMoveHouse Sat 12-Mar-16 17:03:45

I fear it just sounds whiney, like something you shouldn't have to ask for.

We both work through the week, very early til 8 or 9pm, then we're exhausted. So spending time together out of the house on a weekday evening requires some motivation and planning and as a result, never happens.
He then plays football every Saturday, leaves the house at 11ish, gets back at 7ish. An evening out on Saturdays is an option but where we live is pretty shit and it would be a case of going out just for the sake of going out, not because we actually want to.
That leaves Sunday, I tend to do the housework, we both get ready for work the following week then we take our dogs on a long walk. The walk is nice but it's the only thing we do together outside of the house.

So WIBU to ask him to spend Saturday's doing something fun with me instead of devoting his whole day to playing football?

cuntycowfacemonkey Sat 12-Mar-16 17:11:56

Why do housework on a Sunday? If you both have the whole day free then Make the most of it.

doublechocchip Sat 12-Mar-16 17:11:57

It does seem a long time to be out playing football, do they go for post match drinks for the rest of the day?
If I were you I definitely wouldn't spend Sunday doing housework can't that be a day of fun? Surely if you both did an hour of cleaning/organising on a Sunday morning then you'd have the rest of the day to yourselves?

Do you have a hobby you enjoy?

NickNacks Sat 12-Mar-16 17:13:00

Why don't you do the housework on Saturdays and spend the whole day together on Sundays?

ilovesooty Sat 12-Mar-16 17:15:34

Surely you can spend Saturday on a hobby of your own and both muck in with the housework early on a Sunday so that you can do something together later. Also he presumably doesn't play football in the summer?

phequer Sat 12-Mar-16 17:17:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Sat 12-Mar-16 17:17:56

Why are you the only one doing the housework? Do you have children? If not, you have two incomes - could you both pay for a cleaner? I agree with you though regarding Saturday - he's spending eight hours out of the house!

Choughed Sat 12-Mar-16 17:18:55

If it's just the two of you and you're out of the house for 12 plus hours of the day during the week how much housework can you generate?

phequer Sat 12-Mar-16 17:19:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenEric Sat 12-Mar-16 17:26:03

There's a compromise here to be found.

Housework should be shared if you both work.
You could do it Saturday while he is out.
He could cut down his time out. A football match lasts a couple of hours, not 8 hours. He could play football then just socialise for an extra hour or two rather than an extra 6 hours.

phequer Sat 12-Mar-16 17:27:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedToMoveHouse Sat 12-Mar-16 17:27:35

Yes the Saturday includes post-football drinks and during the summer, the football changes to cricket/squash hmm

I usually do yoga on a Saturday, which takes up about an hour, then I always just end up working. I'm over 2hrs away from my friends and family so when I see them I usually go Friday - Sunday, I don't really pop over for a day. That is probably part of the problem, if I had someone else to spend time with I might not moan about his Saturdays.

Doing the housework Saturday morning is a good idea but I can't see it lasting. I could do it all myself on Saturdays while he's out but I'd rather we shared it, which probably sounds really petty of me. We do share it on Sundays but I will do the brunt of it. We don't have children but do have 10 animals at the moment and they cause all kinds of mess that I wouldn't want to inflict on a cleaner, although we have discussed that as a possibility!

ilovesooty Sat 12-Mar-16 17:30:54

You don't ever go to watch him play?

winchester1 Sat 12-Mar-16 17:32:54

As you've no kids I'd hire a cleaner / dog walker/ gardener what ever works with the animals to lower the amount of work.
Tbh I'd let him have his hobby make Sunday a couple day and find something fun to do on Saturdays for yourself.

NeedToMoveHouse Sat 12-Mar-16 17:33:25

JenEric I like your compromise approach but, at the risk of sounding like even more of a petty pest, it would leave me feeling like I'm doing his share of the housework as some sort of bargaining tool for him to spend time with me. If that makes sense?

phequer Sat 12-Mar-16 17:33:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doublechocchip Sat 12-Mar-16 17:36:49

Have you got any friends from work that you could go for lunch with? Drinks?
It does sound lonely him being out the whole day, have you suggested that he does a couple of hours of drinks post match and then comes home? If yes what was his reaction? Or could you go up and meet him at the pub/bar where he drinks for a couple?

One things for sure stop spending all Sunday doing housework though otherwise where's the fun in the relationship? Honestly dh and I have 3 children and we do 'power hour' cleaning one starts upstairs the other downstairs it's incredible what you can achieve in that hour if you both work solidly at it!

NeedToMoveHouse Sat 12-Mar-16 17:38:40

ilovesooty I have once watched him play and I found it incredibly dull. Afterwards they have a spread put on for them at the pub that sponsors their team and I felt very out of place chumming along to that! It's about 30 mins away too, so no nipping over to watch for a bit.

I do feel like a bit of a loser not having anything of my own to do on a Saturday so demanding he give up his thing in order to ensure I don't get bored. I just can't find anything to do with myself though and then when we do get out on a Sunday it feels like it's over too quickly.

heron98 Sat 12-Mar-16 17:39:51

if I were in your position, I'd spend Saturday trying to find more local friends, playing a sport, joining a club etc.

ilovesooty Sat 12-Mar-16 17:43:45

I know someone who without someone around to entertain her doesn't know what to do with herself. She's spent a good many years trying to get her husband to abandon any independent activity and she's become increasingly bored, whiney and needy.

Ragwort Sat 12-Mar-16 17:47:49

You need to find your own interests and hobbies, there is nothing more draining than being asked by your partner/husband/wife to 'spend time with meeeeeeeeeeee' - it does sound incredibly needy.

Surely there is something you like doing? confused

NeedToMoveHouse Sat 12-Mar-16 17:49:17

phequer it's not easy! My OH works from home 4 days a week so the animals aren't often alone. We do 6am feeds and clear outs before I leave for work then 9pm feeds for all animals except the dogs (they eat earlier)! They're all rescue animals so it kind of just escalated from taking in a couple of small animals to help out a local shelter to not being able to say no. They are all amazing though smile

We went through a phase of me being unwell and not being able to do much around the house so he come back at 4ish on Saturdays then. So it is doable, I just don't think he wants to do it! Which would then put me in a shit position of feeling like I'm convincing him to spend time with me. I don't have any friends here tbh, I could probably do more to make some like making the effort with colleagues.

doublechocchip a power hour sounds great! Right now we do both just dawdle whilst cleaning, usually with the radio on prancing about for waaaaaaay longer than it should take. Might give that one a go, see if we can get it done and be out the house by a certain time.

NeedToMoveHouse Sat 12-Mar-16 17:53:29

I'd hate to be described like that, ilovesooty.

What kind of hobbies do you all do that involves getting out of the house and socialising? I thought yoga might be helpful to meet ppl but that's proven a bit of a sinker.

ilovesooty Sat 12-Mar-16 18:02:41

I do voluntary work for a bereavement charity.

Ragwort Sat 12-Mar-16 18:23:30

I have loads of hobbies that get me out of the house and meeting people - this morning I helped at a community event, I do volunteering, you could help at a National Trust place, rambling club, WI, Scouting, am dram, animal charity stuff as you like animals - there are loads of things you could be doing.

What do you like to do? When you say you want to do something 'fun' with your DP - what do you mean by 'fun'?

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