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AIBU?

To ask DM to have DS in her room on holiday?

56 replies

Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 11:03

Hi all
We want to head to a nice resort in Austria in June and offer to treat my DM to this, flights and room, to thank her for all of her help with DS childcare and enjoy a fmaily holiday all together.
DS is 2, t sleeps 7-7 at night without waking (95% of time).
DM adores him and her her, and is an early riser herself, think 5-6am.

Looked at hotel and if we tried to book a room for DS in cot as well as new baby (would be 3 months old then) and our room would be double price and we couldn't afford it.
I havnt yet asked/invited DM on holiday, but wandered if I can suggest/ ask we have baby in our room and if if shed be ok with DS sleeping in her room with her? Considering he does sleep through and in day time there is also a kids club where he would go for some of the day and the rest obviously spend with us, so Id ensure DM could escape to her room, on her own in daytime. Would just be at night?
Or does this sound like a holiday with conditions?

OP posts:

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Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 11:04

Sorry for typos.

OP posts:

Thurlow · 10/03/2016 11:06

Hmm.. It sounds a little like a holiday with conditions.

I do get why you are thinking of this set up and it might be that the holiday is only affordable this way. But you say this is a holiday to thank your DM for all her help with childcare - by asking her to do more childcare!

It's not totally out of order, but it's a wee bit off.

shoopshoopsong · 10/03/2016 11:06

I get why you would do it for practicality's sake but my first instinct was "you want to thank her for the childcare by doing more childcare.." I am pretty grumpy today though.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 10/03/2016 11:07

This very much depends on the person but my mum would think it was the best thing since sliced bread!

It got me thinking that what you're proposing us not a million miles away from if you had a self catering house/apartment. Would that not be an option? At least then DM would have some privacy?

BarbarianMum · 10/03/2016 11:07

Not sure tbh. Does your dmum sleep well, or does she like to read late into the night? Or watch tv in bed etc?

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 10/03/2016 11:07

(I.e. 3 bed self catering)

AndNowItsSeven · 10/03/2016 11:07

I would just book the cot in your DM room then move the cot. We have twins and have had to move cots often as only one allocated per room.
Otherwise it will seem to your DM you are only inviting her to provide childcare.

Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 11:09

Thanks all & andnow great idea, will do that.
If however she offers to have him (as baby waking at night might then wake DS up in our room too) I will take her up on it?!

OP posts:

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/03/2016 11:09

Nah, I wouldn't do that.

BarbarianMum · 10/03/2016 11:11

I think andnow wins the prise for best solution and your mum msy well offer to keep ds.

redshoeblueshoe · 10/03/2016 11:12

I am a GM and it wouldn't bother me, why don't you ask her ?

Dontlaugh · 10/03/2016 11:13

From reading it, you sound like you are offering to reward your mother for childcare by making her do more, whichever way you offer it. You sound like you want her to offer to mind your son, even if it's dressed up as sharing a room.
Do it by all means, but call it what it is. Don't dress it up as a treat.

Nanny0gg · 10/03/2016 11:14

Wouldn't bother me either. But instead of worrying, ask her.

She can always say No...

molyholy · 10/03/2016 11:17

I know for a fact that my mum wouldn't have an issue with this at all. I think it's lovely that you are paying for a holiday for her and I am sure she will too. By the sounds of it, she is very much appreciated and I doubt she will even see it as any type of inconvenience. Just practical.

GoblinLittleOwl · 10/03/2016 11:18

Ask her first, but it sounds rather like take mum along for the childcare.
She might be thrilled. Or not.

Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 11:21

Thanks all. She would have full day to herself, would literally be us putting Ds to sleep, getting babysitter while we all go for dinner, then her returning and sleeping in same room as him. Yes morning would be him waking up and her having an hour/2 with him as she is early riser, but she often has him stay and take him in her room anyway. But glad I checked as last thing would want is to seem we are only asking her to childmind.

Thanks for the GMs who have posted!

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 10/03/2016 11:23

Sounds strange

Nice 'treat'

Actually more childcare by the sound of it.

She'll probably feel awkward to say no though.

Dumbledoresgirl · 10/03/2016 11:25

It sounds absolutely fine to me. We took my mil on holiday with us for years and she often shared with one or another child, either when they were toddlers or older. She valued it greatly as she did not see the family all year round, and we valued her because she was an extra pair of hands.

I think you should ask your mother if she is happy to go ahead with the arrangement but I don't think you are offering her a holiday with conditions, just a holiday with her family.

molyholy · 10/03/2016 11:26

She will be sleeping in the same room as him when he sleeps through the night after he has been put down for the night by his parent. Hardly getting her to do childcare. Not as if she will be getting up to give him a bottle at 2.00am. I still think she would be happy with the set up OP, especially after your update.

Viviennemary · 10/03/2016 11:29

If you are taking her on holiday to thank her for providing childcare and then asking her to provide even more childcare that is downright cheeky I'm afraid. I'd tell you to get lost. Even if she agrees I don't think it's fair.

Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 11:34

I've looked and we can get her a more basic (but still gorgeous) room for 1 adult and then afford to get a larger 1 bedroom suite for us, with separate living room we could put DS cot in, and then hopefully he wouldn't wake (much?!) when baby cries during night. We can just bring a pop up travel bassinet for baby without having to book an extra cot via the hotel- so think job done?!

Knowing my lovely DM she may well offer to have DS in with her herself anyway, but you are right in that I shouldn't ask or mention it myself. I just want her to be excited by the holiday.

OP posts:

Thurlow · 10/03/2016 11:34

Yes, arrange for both the kids to sleep in with you, but your mum might well offer. When we holidayed with my parents when DC was tiny they would have them in their room at least half the nights, which was lovely. Just don't plan on it.

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Dumbledoresgirl · 10/03/2016 11:35

Wow, there are some stingy people on this thread. How is spending quality time with your family on holiday seen as childcare? I'd understand it if the child was waking in the night, but this one doesn't. My mil is always happy to spend whatever time she can with her grandchildren and I hope I will be as generous with my time when I am a grandparent.

Cornishclio · 10/03/2016 11:36

I am a GM and I would be fine with it but I think you should check with her first. The only issue I would have is I would not want to go to bed at 7.00 pm every night and be expected to babysit every evening so how will you be getting round that for evening meals etc? Presumably you will also have the baby to consider too though?

Cornishclio · 10/03/2016 11:38

I have just read your post about getting a babysitter and that sounds fine. I think you have done all you can realistically do to make it a nice holiday for her and you. After all is she on her own and would she go on holiday at all if she did not go with you?

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