To be so bothered about being unattractive?

[Wishfulmakeupping]

It's really getting me down now.
I've promised myself for the last 15 years that I would get a nose job and chin reduction, get my teeth sorted, get toned etc etc
It's not happened mortgages and bills have got in the way. I'm so lucky to have 2 beautiful healthy children but I find myself obsessing about how unattractive I am constantly.
I just wish I could be better looking- I know that's shallow and pathetic I know that but I can't be the person I want to be when I feel self conscious all the time

[bakingaddict]

Do you really need to do all that to look attractive. Often getting a really good hair cut and colour and some new stylish clothes and making the effort to wear makeup every day works wonders. Don't be too hard on yourself learn to like yourself and that makes people attractive

[OttiliaVonBCup]

Sometimes it's the little imperfections that make one memorable.
You can be pretty but bland.

Which one would you choose?

[MidnightVelvetthe5th]

You do not need plastic surgery or be thin to be attractive! I bet you if you posted a pic of yourself I would find at least one attractive feature in your face, I guarantee it!

Do you wear make up? Do you go to the hairdressers? :)

[Wishfulmakeupping]

I'm quite particular about my hair and make up because they are what I can do on a daily basis to look slightly better so I do try really hard but even after all that I'm still not great

[PortobelloRoad]

It's not shallow and pathetic at all. We live in a world where looks matter unfortunately and that's pushed onto us constantly.

Your big long list of things is worrying, could you perhaps have some sort of body dysmorphia or very low self esteem in a more general sense?

I used to have BDD, in a mild way and when I got therapy for that and sorted it out I could see myself objectively and had a better body image. I've had stuff/work done since then but I went into it with a good attitude and was happy with the result. If I hadn't had my issues treated I guarantee that I would have not been happy and could have spiralled into a plastic surgery spiral.

Plastic surgery etc will not change who you are, it's confidence boosting sure, but it's not the answer to changing your life. A question surgeons will always ask is "what are your expectations" to see if they're realistic.

It sounds like an oxymoron but plastic surgery or aesthetic work should always be carried out when you're happy and confident, when your body image is good etc. Working out, having good self care, seeking therapy, all these things can help before doing anything dramatic.

Take care, I hope you start to feel better soon

[mycatsloveeachother]

I know exactly what you mean OP!

I hate seeing pictures of myself. But your search for plastic surgery sounds a bit worrying? Can you go into more detail about what you don't like?

[pinkcan]

These days, the beauty of a person just looking natural is hugely undervalued. I bet you look fine, you are just bombarded by retouched images of people who spend ludicrous amounts of time and money on their appearance. I wear no makeup and always wear my hair loose as it is, no styling etc. I am not attractive but it has never held me back in any way and I wouldn't actually wish to change it. Life is not about what you look like.

[SurferJet]

The plastic surgery you're talking about would probably cost about £20,000.
Have you got that sort of money?

[nilbyname]

I agree with the others, but I understand how appearance affects self confidence.

What about shorter term cheaper fixes...

Teeth whitening at home- £50
Fake tan at home- £20 or thereabouts
Eat well, exercise lots and drink plenty of water
Eyebrows shaped and tinted, eyelashes too- £30-50
Manicure- £25

This is all stuff you can do on the cheap and maintain at home.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

No even close SurferJet I've got zilch at the moment- sahm.
My best plan is a lottery win at this point

[QuiteLikely5]

Op

have you tried any other things to improve your looks besides thinking about surgery?

What about gradual face tan? Applying once before bed every two or three days?

Have you had your brows shaped and tinted?

Do you have a good hair cut for your face shape?

[QuiteLikely5]

What is the problem with your teeth?

You should try to get this post over in beauty as there are some great posters over there who are in the know about all this sort of stuff

[SurferJet]

I bet you look fine.
Honestly, we're our own worst critics and see things that the vast, vast, majority of people wouldn't even notice ( too busy worrying about their own appearance )
Unless your nose & chin are absolutely huge & your teeth revolting, ( black, all missing etc ) then chill out, no one is perfect. Plus perfect is boring

[Lurkedforever1]

Yabu to think your appearance is the problem. Finding so many things you don't like about your looks isn't a superficial issue that can be sorted with superficial changes. It's more about not liking yourself and using your appearance as an excuse to do so.

Not dismissing the fact most people care about their appearance in one way or another, but there's a difference between not liking one or two things and liking the rest, and finding so many things to dislike.

[HairySubject]

I am sure you don't look anywhere near as bad as you think but I know how it feels to be self-conscious about your features.

I have crooked teeth, an overbite, a weak chin and I have always been conscious of it. It has really affected my life but I am in the process of sorting it, braces now and then jaw surgery in a years tine with genioplasty. The difference in confidence is amazing, just from getting the braces on.

If your teeth are that bad can you be referred to an nhs orthodontist?

My nose is still awful but just changing one thing has helped so much. Choose your biggest flaw and work on that.

[PestilentialCat]

I have a big nose & chin, but what I really hated were my wonky teeth, so, aged 49 I had a brace fitted. It came off last summer after just 9/12 & I am so thrilled with my teeth now. Wobbly flabby bits are being kept at bay with the gym.

If you could only fix one thing, what would it be? A brace would be a lot less invasive / dangerous than plastic surgery - people notice a smile more than a nose or chin.

It's a shame you feel so dissatisfied with how you look. How is your mood / self esteem generally?

[Wishfulmakeupping]

I have an underbite on one side so my teeth are uneven and smile crooked, my chin is huge and my nose is crooked from being broken and never fixed. I'm a big build anyway so even if my face were more attractive I'm unusual as I'm very tall and broad.

[SurferJet]

Agree that good teeth & a nice smile are more noticeable than anything else, I'd concentrate on that if I were you as that will really boost your confidence.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

hairy I was offered the braces and jaw surgery a few years ago went to a few appointments but pulled out at the last minute- for me it would have been 18 months of braces which would have made the asymmetry more pronounced before they did the surgery. I was just starting my career and didnt have the confidence to have braces for that length of time in my kind of job- I'm not sure i could now in all honestly I need a 'quick fix' veneers etc

[Kennington]

Get teeth done gently at home
eyebrows threaded
A light acid toner
Hair cut and highlights
Some light make up
You will feel better. Am distinctly average and the above made a huge difference!

[PestilentialCat]

I have a public-facing job & only one person made a comment about my braces - they were a dentist!

[HairySubject]

You could probably get a brace on the nhs if you have an underbite and the treatment would likely involve jaw surgery which would sort out your chin issues at the same time.

I would recommend talking to your dentist and getting referred, beat thing I have done honestly.
Oh and a side effect of jaw surgery is a liquid diet for awhile which would help with weight loss

[HairySubject]

Sorry cross posted there!

I will have mine on for 2 to 3 years too but I haven't had so much as a funny glance. I know it is a long journey but for me at least it is worth it.

[pocketsaviour]

If you are now a SAHM, could you re-consider the braces?

[IceBeing]

YANBU to feel the way you do - the cosmetics industry has invested millions in making you feel this way (so you buy there shit) and it is hard to argue with that kind of power and influence.

However, where do you see things going from here? We are all going to get older and lose the skin tone, the definition the colour contrast and everything else that society prizes as 'attractive'. Anything you do to your appearance is stop gap at best.

How much better to learn to love yourself however you look and then you can skip all the angst about getting old into the bargain?

View self-acceptance as a serious investment for the future in a way that cosmetic surgery can never ever be!