...to expect a recent ex to have considered it's Mother's Day, at all?!

(18 Posts)
clashofclanswidow Sun 06-Mar-16 06:09:20

ExP will be dropping DD1 off later this morning. Pregnant with DD2.

Wondering if I shouldn't hold my breath for a Mothers Day card given that he walked out on me whilst I'm carrying his baby...

AIBU to still expect him to put our "differences" aside today and to have consider I am still the Mother of his kids or is that weird? He is with someone else but I'm not sure if that should matter?!

I know priorities come across a little skewed by this post and realistically a card is a card, just preparing what to expect! Shock or further disappointment!

Strawberryshortcake40 Sun 06-Mar-16 06:22:45

Was he the kind who remembered his own mother on Mother's Day? Or did you deal with that? How old is DD? Old enough to have done a card at nursery?

I would expect you to be disappointed. He may genuinely not have thought about it or may consider it as something he can upset you about. He doesn't sound the thoughtful type.

Maybe today take DD out and let her choose some flowers for you in tescos? She may feel sad she hasn't got you anything and it could be something nice you do together.

merseyside Sun 06-Mar-16 06:27:10

Expecting anything at all from an ex tends to cause heartache.

But you might be pleasantly surprised

brittanyfairies Sun 06-Mar-16 06:30:22

Probably prepare for disappointment. i do lovely things with my DC on Mother's day and make it special for all of us.

clashofclanswidow Sun 06-Mar-16 06:30:38

She's 2 and not yet a nursery, starting soon. So realistically, she won't have a clue anyway! That's why I'm wondering if he will have considered anything on her behalf or not...but given the circs I guess I am BU.

I just know that I would have probably still got him a Fathers Day card (despite the situation) as it's not the childrens fault and he is still their Daddy. Confused.

We're off to the zoo today =) That will be good enough for me to see her enjoy that.

Katenka Sun 06-Mar-16 06:32:24

Me and dh split a few years ago and were not together over at hers day. I still got him a present and a card and sent dd off with that.

That said our split was pretty amicable. Would depend on the situation.

I would try and not expect it. Then you will be surprised if he does

clashofclanswidow Sun 06-Mar-16 06:36:01

True. I suppose I am over-thinking as I saw my own Mum yesterday and spoilt her.

She seemed to be genuinely happy with her presents so it feels a bit dull I will get nothing haha - that makes me sound self-centred but isn't supposed to come across that way. I'm not trying to sound sorry for myself haha!

Plenty of time for presents and gifts in the future! =)

GloriousGoosebumps Sun 06-Mar-16 06:57:47

Won't your mother have done something on behalf of your daughter?

OhShutUpThomas Sun 06-Mar-16 07:07:04

I think YABU.
You're not together any more. Your DD is too young to understand, so it would be something nice your ex was doing just for you.
If he's your ex, he probably doesn't see why he should.

Sorry flowers

merseyside Sun 06-Mar-16 07:36:43

I was on my own when my DD was born and yes, you get nothing when they're young.

That first card they make at nursery is so special though grin

clashofclanswidow Sun 06-Mar-16 07:55:46

Can't wait for that. We shall make our own when we get home! =D

ClopySow Sun 06-Mar-16 08:00:15

I've been on my own with my boys since they were 6 months and 2. I never really got mothers day and have never really had a big fuss made and it doesn't really bother me. The cards and gifts at nursery are lovely. I miss those. But really it's just another day where i am a mum of 2 people who love me. And you don't need a card or flowers for that.

Have a lovely day with your girl.

Oh. And yanbu. But keep all expectations low when it comes to your ex and you won't be disappointed.

ClopySow Sun 06-Mar-16 08:01:47

Oh, and definitely make a card with her later. She'll love it and so will you.

FinallyFreeFromItAll Sun 06-Mar-16 09:06:16

YABU - I would expect your mother to make or buy something with/from your daughter.

gamerchick Sun 06-Mar-16 09:25:03

Home made cards are the boy, why don't you do one together?

contrary13 Sun 06-Mar-16 09:29:59

My ex and I split when DS (11) was 18 months old.

Yesterday, when DS came back from the EOW contact... he was clutching a bunch of tulips for me, which his DF had taken him to buy. It's the first gift I've ever had from DS that hasn't required my input in some way, and I may have cried.

However, I know that the only reason as to why my ex made an effort this year is because children's services ended up spelling it out to him in no uncertain terms that (a) I'm actually a really good mum to my children, (b) I'm dealing with a horrible situation concerning our adult child right now, and (c) he needs to step up and help our DS to be a child, because - quite frankly - I cannot do absolutely everything by myself. And yes, I oversee the making/purchase of Fathers Day/birthday/Christmas gifts for him, every single year without fail... because it makes my DC happy.

My DS is overjoyed by the fact that he's finally managed to surprise me on Mothers Day (albeit the night before... but it counts!) - which, as far as I'm concerned, is the main thing. I know my DC love me. I don't need dates on a calendar to mark that. But, having said that, it's lovely to watch how happy my DS is this morning, because he was helped to do something nice for me.

clashofclanswidow Sun 06-Mar-16 16:00:16

Aww Contrary, that's lovely. Sorry about the situation with your older child - sending you MN hugs.

I got a huge card, some chocolates and an apology it wasn't more?! Pleasantly surprised and just thanked him for actually doing something for it

Katenka Sun 06-Mar-16 17:37:33

Ah it turned out well then! That's good.

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