To want expat mil to visit during the school holidays?

[MrsDesperado]

Just had a text from mil who lives very far away (and has done for 10Ish years). She visits us annually for a week in the summer, which is a bit stressful nice, but also a bit weird cos we don't see her much.

Anyway we'd not heard from her in a month or two, so I texted her asking if/when she was potentially visiting us this year? It turns out she's not planning on coming until September, when both (young) DCs will be at school and it will be a bugger for DH and I to take time off work.

Aibu to think she should know to come and visit us during the school holidays? I just feel a bit led down tbh. Im also sad for my DCs that she doesn't really care about seeing them? To be honest me and DH feel a bit abandoned.

[Marzipants]

Does she live alone? My MIL is a bit like this. She's so used to making her own plans that she sorry of forgotten how to for in with other people. She enjoys seeing the kids when she visits the UK, but she'll often only come by a couple of times even if she's here for a week. It does make me feel a bit sad, but I try not to take it personally on DC's behalf.

[HirplesWithHaggis]

I'd say it's more likely that, at her age, and living abroad, school holiday awareness is not at the top of her list. Not because she's malicious, maybe a bit thoughtless though.

Reply to her, point out the difficulties, and suggest alternative dates that would suit you better.

She's human too, you know.

[squaretoes]

YANBU but - my MIL doesn't visit, she has met DD(4) once. So, I guess, at least she has thought about you, even if it's not especially well thought through.

[AlpacaLypse]

Can you text back something on the lines of 'Of course it'll be lovely to see you MIL but you do realise the children will be at school at that time and DP and I will both be at work during most of the day, so you'll hardly see any of us? These weeks in July/August {you fill these in} would give you far more time with DCs - can you check out flights for that time?'

[Marzipants]

she sorry of forgotten how to for in with other people.

she's sort of forgotten how to fit in with other people.

Stupid tired fingers.

[abbsismyhero]

perhaps its too expensive to come in the school holidays? is she a flight away or a drive away?

[MrsDesperado]

Thanks for your replies. She's very far aways - think as far as you can get.

She's spent almost 50 years in the uk before emigrating; knows the schools are back in September.

She's not alone she has a DH who she dotes on

I'm so sad about it all.

[Bogeyface]

"Oh sorry, we cant do then as the kids are back and school and H and I will have used our AL to cover the school hols. You are welcome anytime in August though :)"

Just say no.

[MsMims]

YY to bogeys reply.

If it's not convenient, don't agree!

[brassywind]

As previous poster said, say she's welcome but you'll all be at school or work. I presume she's in Australia or New Zealand? We have the problem the other way round no one ever visits us in NZ and on the odd ocassion my DM has come out she comes in February when all the school's are back and then witters on about feeling unwelcome and unloved because we are so busy .... sigh

[NaughtToThreeSadOnions]

Op it doesn't matter whether your mil lived in the Uk for 2 years or 50 years, she's out of the pattern of thinking about school holidays. My mum still lives in the uk, she was a teacher for 40 years, she has no idea when the school holidays are because she hasn't thought about them for the last 5 years!

Also I'm guessing by as far away as possible your talking about Australia, she will go by when she sees kids going to school. She won't realise September is literally just after the holidays. In fact if it's Australia, and she's coming the last week of September she may well think that she is coming during half term, Australian schools are off between the 23rd and oct 4th. I have a friend in Australia who has relatives from Ireland and trying to remember when the holidays in both countries is impossible!

As has already suggested I would just say sorry that's not actually suitable our school holidays are here to here or the October half term, and see why mil thinks September is a good idea.

[FishWithABicycle]

I imagine that flights are cheaper in term time for visiting the UK just like they are if departing from the UK. Have the flights already been booked? An October half term visit might well be cheaper for her than an august one.

[ShanghaiDiva]

Agree with previous posters and say she is welcome but kids will be in school and you will be in work. She can then decide if she would prefer to come at another time.
I live overseas and visitors are usually here when kids are at school and dh is at work - their choice and we do things at the weekend and in the evenings. When kids were younger I would keep them off school for a couple of days, but realise that is not possible in UK.