To be pissed off the ILs didn't acknowledge dd's first birthday?

(64 Posts)
LMonkey Fri 04-Mar-16 19:59:15

Here's the situation and it may not be as bad as the title suggests. DD turned 1 yesterday and we had nothing in the way of happy birthday messages from my ILs. This means Mil, fil, bil and 2 sils. We are having a party for her at the weekend to which they're all coming and will no doubt give cards and presents. But to not acknowledge her on the actual day itself? We have a WhatsApp group chat set up between all of us and most days there is some kind of message/baby photo/something going on, so I'm really angry that no one took the time to send a birthday message, especially when one sil took the time to post yet another photo of her baby 'looking cute' that morning. We all have exactly the same calenders with each family members birthday printed on it so really there's no excuse. I just think it's really poor and its not the first time we've been over looked. I think it's especially bad on the grandparents as they don't have the excuse of young children running round as a distraction like the others do. I'm supposed to be hosting this party tomorrow and I'm just so annoyed with them! AIBU? And should I say something?

nephrofox Fri 04-Mar-16 20:02:27

Yes its rude but they've probably shelved it in their minds as to be dealt with on the party day.

Having said that my take on such things is probabkt quite forgiving - My in laws have a weird system where they only buy for alternate birthdays (so 1,3,5 yr old etc).

flanjabelle Fri 04-Mar-16 20:04:18

Yabu. They are coming for the party. It's not like your dd can read a message. It would have been nice I suppose but not something to get so upset about.

gamerchick Fri 04-Mar-16 20:06:51

They're saving it for the party I don't see the problem. She's one and hardly going to notice. For that age I save it for when I see them.

Moomintroll85 Fri 04-Mar-16 20:09:21

They're coming for the party confused

You're right it really isn't as bad as the title suggests!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 04-Mar-16 20:09:22

I don't think it's necessarily too bad. See how they behave at the party.

LMonkey Fri 04-Mar-16 20:20:03

I do realise she can't read it.... but amongst this family it is the norm for messages to be sent all the time so a tongue in cheek 'happy birthday baby who can't read' message would be nothing out of the ordinary. I had quite a few texts wishing her a happy birthday from my friends and family, its very nice all the same.

MrsH1989 Fri 04-Mar-16 20:26:19

I would have expected a happy birthday message. I suppose it isnt the end of the world but are they like this often? If they send the other babies in the family such messages on their birthdays and are treating you differently then it is an issue. If they don't care much for birthdays then I would just chalk it up to them being themselves. It would bother me a bit but I wouldnt say anything.

PommelandCantle Fri 04-Mar-16 20:32:44

Whether they are coming to a party or not, I would be miffed not to at least get a message on the day. She's not going to remember her first party either but presumably that hasn't prevented them accepting an invite. You however will remember which at this age is rather the point. I'd not say anything though.

Huge happy birthday to your DD - hope you have had a lovely day with her.

ShreddieMonster Fri 04-Mar-16 20:35:41

Nephrofox- they only buy every other year? What's that all about?!confused

kennyp Fri 04-Mar-16 20:42:35

i don't think you're unreasonable. my ex in laws were so like yours and it used to get right on my tits. they regularly forgot my kids birthdays and even with hindsight and the fact that they're all exes now it still pisses me off, regardless of whether my kids were 1 or 10.

i hope your daughter manages to flick a middle finger up at them at the party and then you can post it to Ellen and it'll go viral and it'll look really funny and everyone'll think "ho ho ho what a cute 1 year old!!!!!!!!" and you'll know that you inadvertently taught her to do it.

nothing beats a bit of over reacting on my part. have a fab birthday party.

thumb3lina Fri 04-Mar-16 20:43:20

They are probably waiting for the party but should have at least sent a message.

FIL and MIL (separated) both didn't acknowledge DDs first christmas, DH and I received presents but DD didn't. They still haven't bothered to meet her yet though hmm

Redglitter Fri 04-Mar-16 20:46:21

It wouldn't cross my mind to send a Happy Birthday message to a baby via text or Whatsapp. That sounds really bizarre.

They're coming to the party YABU

waitingforsomething Fri 04-Mar-16 20:46:56

I actually don't think yabu at all. For all my dds 3 birthdays she has had a little family tea party with her grandparents and any available aunt/uncle/cousin on the nearest weekend to her birthday. This hasn't prevented any grandparent from sending a message saying 'happy birthday to littlewaiting, looking forward to seeing her for the party'. I would have thought it was weird if they didn't.

SueTrinder Fri 04-Mar-16 20:48:50

ILs and celebrations are always a nightmare. PILs NEVER remember DD1's birthday (she's 8) because it's a few days after Christmas. They are generous to her sister and brother on their birthdays so it really pisses me off. In your case it's annoying but since they are coming to the party and you generally sound quite close I would try and calm down about it. It might just be an coincidence that they've all not done it or they might be saving it for the party.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 04-Mar-16 20:49:18

This is something I just couldn't care less about. They failed to do something that is, ultimately, pointless. No harm done, don't dwell on it.

CPtart Fri 04-Mar-16 20:51:20

I'd be slightly miffed too.
Did you message on your nephew/nieces birthday? And did PIL message them? I sadly find our DC come second best behind SIL children, a bit of an afterthought if you like.
I hope you've had a lovely day with your DD on her birthday. Don't be like me and hold grudges.

BlueMoonRising Fri 04-Mar-16 20:53:28

This is your first baby I take it?

Sorry but YABU. They are coming to the party, your one year old won't care one way or the other - any birthday wishes would just be for your benefit.

If they weren't acknowledging it at all, fair enough. But they are coming for the event you organised. If you wanted them to acknowledge it on the day itself, make the event on the day itself.

nephrofox Fri 04-Mar-16 21:03:06

Shreddie , yep only acknowledge alternate birthdays. No real reason given apart from a mumbling about having too many grandchildren (theyre retired and very wealthy, no time or money issues). What can I say, they're all kinds of odd.

pictish Fri 04-Mar-16 21:04:57

Yabu...what do birthday wishes 'on the day' mean to a one year old?
They'll fuss over her when they come to her party at the weekend.
She wn't remember a second of any of it either way.

magpie17 Fri 04-Mar-16 21:14:31

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, we have an extended family whatsapp group and all the nieces/nephews/grandchildren get 'happy birthdays' on there even if they can't read them. I would be very miffed if my sons grandparents did not wish him a happy birthday on the day. Of course he won't know but then, let's face it, he's not going to know much about a party either. It just shows that they care and are thinking of him on a special day.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Fri 04-Mar-16 21:28:04

YABU, little point when they will see them at the party.

It all sounds a bit OTT, a party for a first birthday, shared calendar and daily photos etc by what's app.

Penfold007 Fri 04-Mar-16 21:29:28

Your DD will be blissfully unaware that yesterday marked her first birthday. You on the other hand are only too aware that this is the first anniversary of the day you did something utterly amazing and safely brought your child into the world.

Please don't let their lack of congratulations get you down, they simply think that the party is the focus of celebration for your DD.

usual Fri 04-Mar-16 21:32:43

I would be a bit miffed that they didn't even acknowledge her birthday on the actual day. YANBU.

doodlejump1980 Fri 04-Mar-16 21:33:17

YANBU our twins turned 1 in January, I got a short phonecall from my brother whilst he was driving between appointments, and a Facebook message from my sister, their Godmother! No cards. No presents. It makes me sad. But then my brother is a narc sociopath. But still, it's the lack of thought that just makes me sad. Happy Birthday your your wee one op and wine for you

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