I'm 17 and I need some urgent accomodation advice - sorry for BU!

[GeezLouise1998]

I know IABU for posting here for traffic, but I'm really desperate.

I have been living with my so called 'partner' for the last year but off and on I have been going back and forth to my Mum's house. Last time I went back, because he wanted me out again, I was told by my family that they love me to bits but cannot keep on this way - this would be the last time they pick me up and come to my rescue. of course, wanting everything to work out and trying to put the worst behind me, I moved back in, promising myself that I wouldn't be in the same situation again.

Last night (about 4am) I went to get a drink out of our fridge when some mushrooms fell on the floor. I picked most of them up but I left the little bits and pieces to clean up in the morning before work - I was half asleep and didn't want to wake poor DP. Fast forward to this morning when he was up for work and I was told not to bother coming back this evening, and to go to my Mum's. He said 'I'll never learn'. I explained my reasons for not cleaning it all up there and then but he was having none of it, he has a very bad temper.

I told my Mum about the situation and she is having none of it, she says it's best I find somewhere to live of my own now since they are too crowded in the family home anyway and I have a full time job so I can afford it. I really don't know what to do, Mumsnetters :(

You see, I hadn't told the council I had moved in with my partner and my registered address is still at my Mum's so I cannot say he has kicked me out, what I have been doing is illegal!

We planned to tell the council I was there a few months back, when I was expecting, but sadly I had a stillbirth at 24 weeks and my partner inisisted there was no need.

The family home is owned outright so I'm not too sure of the rules regaring who is/isn't living there.

Not only does he not really welcome me back, but I cannot stand being treated this way any longer and I want out. I think I deserve better - i'm an intelligent young lady with a good job for 17, i'll be alright. Men are often shocked at how he comes across to me in the public eye.

Is contacting social services a good move, since I am indeed U18. However, I have heard stories about it being bad to get involved with them? I must admit I am clueless.

I earn around £250 per week. I am not sure that is enough to keep up on my own expenses for living entirely, but I don't think it's little enough to qualify for financial housing help.

I am aware I cannot rent a property by a private landlord until 18, unless I have someone over 18 as a guarentor - which my family refuse to do. I am never behind on domestic/personal payments but I can see their reasons for not wanting to.

It is so, so hard to leave him. I love him with everything I have and he is the Father to my child, yet I know it must be done and that I can have a better life without him in the picture.

Can anyone please advise me? My Mum says I can stay with her for a short period, until I get my own place, but she insists it won't be for long.

P.S, sorry for posting here. i am at work (lots of invoices to catch up on), so i shouldn't really be browsing Mumsnet

Thank you x

[DeffoJeffo]

If your mum is serious that she won't house you then you need to go to your local council'services housing department and they may be able to offer you some temporary accommodation where you can stay until you are eligible for council housing or (more likely) you turn 18 and can get private rented accommodation sorted - they should support you support you with this. HOWEVER, it will be expensive as you are right in thinking you earn too much to qualify for housing benefit. Goodles luck OP, all the best :)

[DeffoJeffo]

Sorry about the typos!

[Lurkedforever1]

Firstly well done for realising your partner is an arse. You don't need a partner like that.

Move back to your mums, then contact the councils homeless dept. They will need your mum to verify she isn't willing to keep you at home, so while you won't be sleeping rough you will be able to register as homeless.

Shelter would be better than ss for advice. Ss might be interested given your age, but there's very little support for care leavers of 16, so are unlikely to be able to offer much support and advice. See what shelter advise regarding ss.

And you haven't been doing anything illegal living at your partners. He might have been claiming single person discount on the council tax, but that's him who's been lying, not you.

[NerrSnerr]

I would call Shelter and tell them everything. Be honest so they know the full situation.

[GeezLouise1998]

Lurker I wasn't aware that I too wasn't responsible for the housing deception? I don't really want to get him in trouble

I have no interest in being spiteful, I just want out.

If I register as homeless whilst living with my Mum, I didn't think they would house me - since I technically have a roof over my head. I'm not really sure though, you most likely know a lot more about this all than me.

I shall contact Shelter tonight :) Hopefully they stay open past 5.30?

[Greyponcho]

Didn't want to read and run, but please don't ever go back to him again!!
(He sounds like a total twat - stuff some fish down the back of radiators [or even better, in the hollow ends of curtains poles if he has them] before you leave him for good). Hugs for you OP

[GeezLouise1998]

greyponcho your message made me well up a little

Thank you, but as for the smelly mark of passage, I think I will refrain from such acts and leave quietly

[ghostyslovesheep]

go to your local council one stop shop or housing office and present yourself as homeless - ask to speak to the under 18 adviser (they have specialist knowledge and wont turn you away)

You may need to go into a hostel (not as bad as it sounds) for young people or supported accommodation until you can show that you can manage a tenancy - they will support you to move on to your own place

good luck - and please don't go back to the ex xxx

[Quityabitchen]

You are homeless and therefore you can get some kind of accommodation through the council, which will give you some breathing space and a chance to get back on your feet emotionally.

So sorry to hear about your baby.

[notquitehuman]

Please get in touch with Depaul. They're a charity who help homeless young people: uk.depaulcharity.org/get-help

The priority right now is ensuring you don't sleep on the streets tonight. They offer services such as nightstop where you can get a bed for a few nights while you sort things out. Your next stop will probably be the council. Don't worry about the fact you lived with your boyfriend, your mother is refusing to have you back home so you will be considered homeless.

You seem very sensible for your age. I hope you get sorted soon.

[Inlawsfromhell]

When I was your age I had an abusive BF I didn't realise at the time, I moved into his place, long story short he got violent the police got involved and I had to leave. I ended up in a hostle, it wasn't that bad but the rent was very high.

I think you should look for a house share all bills included, I found one looking for uni students and ended up in a lovely house. Please don't get back with your ex mine started with complaining about housework and watch murdered by my boyfriend a very good film that should be shown to young people.

[Greyponcho]

Then you're clearly a classy gal who deserves much much better

[hearthattack]

I didn't want to read and run, and wanted to say how brave and sorted you sound. I wish I'd worked stuff out in my head as much as you have at 17!

All of the advice above is sound. Sadly you might need to be persistent as while the council do have a duty of care, they're not always forthcoming immediately. Don't be fobbed off! And deffinately don't go back to that arse of an ex. However tricky things seem now, you'll be in a much better place in the long run if you stick on your tod for a while and build some good foundations for yourself.

In no time you'll have this sorted and will be taking the world by storm!

[Lurkedforever1]

Much as I dislike fraud I don't think you should shop him either- not only cos he might retaliate but mainly because revenge won't be positive for you. Just mentioned it because you seemed to be worried you'd done something illegal and I wanted to put your mind at rest.

And no, you don't have to be actually sleeping rough to class as homeless. If your mum informs the council she doesn't really want you living there they won't class you as homeless. But if she can honestly tell them she isn't willing to let you stay more than a few nights/ a week, they will have to class you as homeless.

[HoundoftheBaskervilles]

I honestly cannot see the illegality in anything you've done, unless your partner was claiming single-person's discount on his council tax, in which case that's his look-out, not yours.

On over £1,000 a month you will easily be able to afford a room in a shared house, which is what most people your age do if they move out.

Could you move back into your Mum's for a couple of weeks until you sort a room out?

A room is more desirable at your age anyway as you have the social aspect as well as it being cheaper. If you move into a flat or bedsit, you will be so perpetually skint you will have no social life and feel very isolated on your current income.

[jay55]

Do you have a friend or someone at work who can put you up for a couple of days?

[GeezLouise1998]

I have looked into it and it seems I will have to fib and say I'm 18 - since technically only student accomodation will take any younger and there's none of that around here.

[HoundoftheBaskervilles]

But yes, fuck that dick off and move on, you are very young and have much living to do, best get on with it now, there's much fun to be had before you really need to start being a woman with children and all the entails, (just as an aside, get some regular contraception sorted, I'm guessing you were only about 16 when you got pregnant - I'm sure you have much more to do than raise children at the moment - delightful as they can sometimes be are).

[GeezLouise1998]

8jay55*, nope, no friends around that could help - they all have busy families to look after and my good cousins live miles away.

I don't have any friends my age, in all fairness, so I don't know anyone's parents I could ask.

^God it sounded strange typing that

[Redroses11]

Landlords will ask for your ID though. Just hope you get a dopey one who can't subtract from 2016! Are you based in a city OP? Some places will have girls looking for someone to share a room with. It could tide you over? You'll need a deposit and a months rent up front though. Have you any savings?

[GeezLouise1998]

RedRose your post just made me really angry - because the reason I have no savings is because my partner was in £500 worth of phone bill arrears and I foolishly paid off £300 of it!

Not to mention helping him pay his rent arrears off..

[GeezLouise1998]

Should clarify that it's not you I'm cross with

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

Don't fib and say you're 18, you will have to provide Id. Council do house 17yos, I know a 17yo who is in a bedsit, was put there by the council.

[Stripyhoglets]

You've not done anything illegal so don't worry about that. He should have said u were there is he's getting benefits or single person discount for council tax. But that's his problem not yours. Go to housing dept and apply as homeless. Your parents will have to confirm you can't stay there and it's a temporary solution as you had to leave your abusive partner. You must tell housing about the abuse so you aren't found to have made yourself homeless deliberately.housing should help you find accommodation.

[Redroses11]

Ok - well, based on collective information here and my own twopence worth, here's the plan

1. Go to your mother's short-term. Save every penny you can.
   
2. Ring Shelter
   
3. Based on their advice, contact whatever charity or council they recommend.
   
4. Try to keep a temporary roof over your head in short-term (mother's house/hostel etc.)
   
5. Get your lovely ass into your own accomodation for a long term plan.
   
6. Enjoy freedom!