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AIBU?

DD poorly DH working

46 replies

BabyHaribo · 03/03/2016 21:13

I don't know who's bring U here.

DD 19 months is really unwell. Spent yesterday in hospital, still no better so will more than likely be taking her back tomorrow.

It could be a virus but paed was a bit concerned and if she still has fever by tomorrow wants to do blood tests & possibly admit her as it could be something more sinister.

DH has to travel 3 hrs for a work meeting tomorrow. He is still going - no discussions, I have to sort childcare for DS 4 and take DD to hospital alone.

Work meeting is quite important - but then so is DD.

Is he being unreasonable or am I in wanting his help?

OP posts:

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CalleighDoodle · 03/03/2016 21:15

Whats the childcare situation for Ds4? As if it is jut dropping him somewhere for the day then you are being unreasonable.

RudeElf · 03/03/2016 21:16

Well (and this sounds harsher than i mean it to be) DD will be ill/not be ill regardless of whether DH is at home looking after DS.

His meeting is important. It isnt DD you need him for but childcare and unless there really is no other option for childcare then i think he is NUR to go to work. Have you got other childcare paid or free?

Griphook · 03/03/2016 21:19

I really thinks it depends on how important the meeting is? And whether they're other people that can take over.
Have you asked him if he can get someone else to go to the meeting?

MsJamieFraser · 03/03/2016 21:20

Neither is BU, I'm sure your dh would be their as soon as he can if dd turned extreamly poorly... At the min it's a is she or isn't she scenario...

It's of those scenarios that you just have to play out

scarlets · 03/03/2016 21:20

If childcare for DS is readily available then YABU. If you have no family or close friends nearby, and can't afford/obtain an extra session at his usual provider, then YANBU.

BabyHaribo · 03/03/2016 21:22

No formal childcare for DS but hopefully my FIL will have him.

Meeting is important i think it's really the lack of discussion that's bothering me.

The phrase 'it's work' really winds me up

OP posts:

landrover · 03/03/2016 21:24

All I would say is that if my child was ill enough to need to go to hospital, there is no way I wouldn't be there with them, male or female. Whilst I understand he may feel torn, sadly your DH doesn't seem torn and that would surprise me. Really? go to work while your daughter is in hospital, ehhmmm no.

Twixthecat · 03/03/2016 21:25

YANBU wanting his help!

However it depends on how important his work meeting is. With my DH work there are times when his meetings are just unmissable short of a major crisis. If it's a matter of job security/ career progression/ major financial deal then I'd not be happy but would have to live with it.

If he's doing everything he can to be be there for you then good on him. If he's not interested in wanting to help then that's a different story - he deserves an earful!

landrover · 03/03/2016 21:28

As twix has said, if he is doing everything he can, then fair enough, but if he is not interested then OMG. Good luck tomorrow though, do not hesitate to go back to hospital if you are worried. xx (from a parent who has lost a child with meningitis, so go with your instinct xxxxxxxx

VoldysGoneMouldy · 03/03/2016 21:29

She's been in hospital yesterday, and you've got to take her back tomorrow. The fact he's even considering going, and wasn't on the phone to them this morning rearranging, says enough.

It's not like she's just got a sore through. She's been in hospital, and is going back. Of course you're not unreasonable.

FigMango1 · 03/03/2016 21:31

Well if it's important then he has no choice does he?! What do you want him to do? Your dd will be well cared for at hospital and ds will be with fil.

Sirzy · 03/03/2016 21:32

Sometimes things just can't be changed, it's not ideal but it happens. If your FIL can look after your Ds then really he is probably better in work saving time off for anything more urgent.

Hopefully she perks up overnight anyway

landrover · 03/03/2016 21:34

Sad at anybody even contemplating going to work when child is in hospital! Isn't it funny how it is always the mum expected to stay at the hospital?

BeaufortBelle · 03/03/2016 21:34

When ours were tiny DH was the principal earner. My job was to deal with home stuff. He left work twice. Once when I went into early labour - his clerk waited outside court for him and put him in a cab. He arrived in time to hold his son before he died. Secondly when DS was admitted to hospital for an emergency op. He was able to get back to collect dd from nursery. If he hadn't been able to nursery would have hung onto her until my best friend could get there.

I don't really understand why you can't take dd to hospital on your own. I think you are lucky FIL can help with ds. Why would two adults need to go unless the illness becomes critical/life threatening? If it did your dh cd come straight home - the outcome wouldn't alter.

BeaufortBelle · 03/03/2016 21:35

I hope she turns the corner by tomorrow of course.

Sirzy · 03/03/2016 21:36

Sometimes people have to work, it's not always possible to rearrange things or take time off. It's not ideal but it happens.

Having spent lots of time in hospital it isn't unusual at all for parents - mothers and fathers! - to have to go to work for all or part of the day. If you don't get paid or your job relies on something then sometimes it has to be done.

BarbarianMum · 03/03/2016 21:37

Ds2 was admitted to hospital at 6 weeks old with a whole host of problems (which ultimately turned out to be not serious but initially appeared very serious). Dh spent two days with us, then went to work the evening we were discharged. I have never in my life felt so low as that evening and it took me many years to forgive him - I can see (now) that he was just doing his best but at the time I felt utterly abandoned.

YANBU to want him with you.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/03/2016 21:37

It isn't your dd you need him for, it's childcare for your ds.
Unless fil can't do it, this is a non-issue. Yes, he should have been the one to send the text, but it would take 30 secs to write such a text so not worth arguing about.

landrover · 03/03/2016 21:38

And Beaufort, your husband wanted to be there! I'm concerned that the Ops DH doesn't want to be there, that was my point really. Hope it all turns out well though xx

Abed · 03/03/2016 21:39

Sometimes people do have to work, unless there's nobody else to look after your DC I don't think he's being U.

Abed · 03/03/2016 21:40

And the DH might want to be there, nothing the OP has posted indicates that he doesn't.

landrover · 03/03/2016 21:41

Arether, I don't think childcare was the major issue, it was the fact that DH wasn't concerned I think.

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FuckOffIAmMNetting · 03/03/2016 21:51

DH is probably just trying to get on with it and it could be work is distracting him from worrying or that he is trying to stay calm for you and kiddies. Do you pay for medical care? Does he need to work to afford it or is he trying to support you from a practical point of view. Just assuming he doesn't care because he isn't dropping everything immediately is pretty harsh.
Besides if he does take days off for is she or isn't she then he wont have any days he can take off when you really do need him or when things are very bad.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 03/03/2016 21:51

To be honest, most people's workplaces wouldn't take too kindly to someone cancelling an important meeting at less than a day's notice if the other parent and extended family were available for childcare (life changing/threatening circumstances excepted of course). If it was the case that you were also supposed to be working tomorrow then a decision would need to be made as to who was cancelling and I would totally expect discussion, but I suspect this is not the case as you have said you have no formal childcare for your older DC. Work is important, it's what keeps the roof over your head after all. I hope everything goes well tomorrow.

FuckOffIAmMNetting · 03/03/2016 21:52

The fact hospital let you out shows its not a huge concern to them. Just a bit concerning is different

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