to wonder if people recognise themselves?

(35 Posts)
Grapejuicerocks Wed 02-Mar-16 20:35:34

Negative personality traits, other things like Wendying, bridezillaness, dysfunctional family relationships etc are often discussed on here.

I wonder if anybody has ever had a lightbulb moment and recognised that they themselves are guilty of these and actually changed their own behaviour, made amends and/or apologised to people?

It's easy to recognise these things in others but harder to admit that you yourself may have fallen into bad habits either deliberately or through learning/witnessing these within their own childhoods.

Anyone going to own up and tell us how things have worked out for them?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Wed 02-Mar-16 20:37:12

Ohhhh I often think this on MIL threads - I'm not there yet!!

theycallmemellojello Wed 02-Mar-16 20:39:18

I'm not convinced true wendying (ie deliberately setting out to steal someone's friends) exists nearly as much as it's suggested on MN. Far more often, I think, it's just someone who gets on much better with a friend met through another person and strikes up a friendship, perhaps while also drifting apart from the other friend.

BertieBotts Wed 02-Mar-16 20:44:59

Yes. I recognise myself in the lazy/untidy husband threads except I am a lazy/untidy wife blush

In all honesty noticing it hasn't made much difference except I feel worse about it. I've probably changed a bit but it's actually really hard to change those kind of inbuilt patterns. Certainly harder than some of MN seems to believe. I have been diagnosed with ADHD though which explains some of it. So I'm hoping that beginning treatment for that will help with managing it. It has made me more aware of the impact it has on a relationship.

maggiethemagpie Wed 02-Mar-16 20:52:24

Yes -with the help of a brilliant, gentle but firm therapist.

I had a moment of 'oh god is that me' followed by a therapeutic breakthrough, and from taking responsibility for my behaviour I was able to change and no longer see myself as a victim of circumstance.

I do believe that taking personal responsibility is what gets us 'unstuck'

Not sure I would have been able to do it on my own though, it would have been far too painful. It was much easier to stay in denial.

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 02-Mar-16 20:54:33

I bought a bin for my downstairs toilet after reading a sanpro disposal thread, if that counts grin

MoggieMaeEverso Wed 02-Mar-16 20:55:39

I was once told I was a "nightmare customer" following an AIBU. I have changed my ways smile

CaughtUpNearTimbuktu Wed 02-Mar-16 21:44:16

I often wonder if I'd be considered a cock lodger on the basis that I do very little housework or cooking. I am, however, someone who has multiple chronic pain issues and a very understanding husband!

Vanderwaals Wed 02-Mar-16 23:26:42

It depends. Some people have NO self awareness. None at all. They think they're amazing and never do anything wrong and they're perfect and it's everyone else with the problem.
Some people have too much.
I'm always wondering how people view me.
I think I'm annoying, incredibly lazy, a bit lotjudgemental, and talk about myself too much. And that's probably true.

SaucyJack Wed 02-Mar-16 23:34:40

I have made the effort to be a bit more punctual with those who are reliable themselves, as it is a personality trait I hate being on the receiving end of myself.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Wed 02-Mar-16 23:46:08

I bought a bin for my downstairs toilet Me too!
I contact friends more often after realising that a monthly text isn't enough. I'm that fair-weather friend I've read about on mnblush

Fatmomma99 Wed 02-Mar-16 23:48:13

I read this differently - but I'm terrified of being recognised, as I think everything about me makes me very recognisable in RL

DiscoGlitter Thu 03-Mar-16 00:56:59

I've amended behaviour thanks to Mumsnet! Before Mumsnet I'd think nothing of going to a get together/party with booze when asked but at the end of the night asking for said booze back.
It just wouldn't have occurred to me that it was supposed to be a gift!blush
to be fair everything I was invited to before recent ding dong light bulb moment party was student digs free for all
Now I buy a nice bottle of wine, hand it over at the door and that's it, all good smile

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 03-Mar-16 01:45:05

Yes, I do. Though it's never really been a lightbulb moment, I'm very aware of my shortcomings.

LuisCarol Thu 03-Mar-16 02:05:21

yes blush

CrazyMary Thu 03-Mar-16 02:37:47

Yes but luckily I mended my ways before people started using the Internet so I don't think I was ever the topic of a thread
<hopeful>

velourvoyageur Thu 03-Mar-16 03:36:43

I think MN has helped me in so so many small/not so small ways, but I've assimilated them gradually and there hasn't been a lightbulb moment (maybe it is to come!), so I can't really think of a particular one.

Maybe one of the biggest that I can actually identify is being proactive and not passive. I used to always wait for things to happen to me.

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath Thu 03-Mar-16 03:38:36

*It depends. Some people have NO self awareness. None at all. They think they're amazing and never do anything wrong and they're perfect and it's everyone else with the problem.
Some people have too much.
I'm always wondering how people view me.
I think I'm annoying, incredibly lazy, a bit lotjudgemental, and talk about myself too much. And that's probably true.*

I agree with all of that. In fact, Vander are you me? shock

redexpat Thu 03-Mar-16 07:22:01

I know i am unfair to DH re lie ins. I get them all. Thing is, he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. I can still be lying there an hour and a half later.

Bambalina Thu 03-Mar-16 07:59:27

^ this!!! I can now justify it (other than he has to be up for work anyway, usually, and I am gathering all my reserves for a day with a threenager).

With reference to OP, yes, I have now started cleaning the bog when I know people are coming over

CigarsofthePharoahs Thu 03-Mar-16 08:08:22

I need to get a bin for my downstairs toilet.
I've recognised a few things, in that plenty of people are quick to point out that you can't make a heavy judgement about someone based on a small snapshot of their life. I have been guilty of doing that, I try and think more about what someone may have been having to deal with that day and give more of the benefit of the doubt.
I have a cat and since being a MN user I wipe my counter tops down at least three times a day. No cat bum hole food in my house. (I was cleaning them before, but more when they looked dirty, so not as often.)

Goingtobeawesome Thu 03-Mar-16 08:10:29

I realised I had had an emotional affair sadblush. I told DH.

MLGs Thu 03-Mar-16 08:18:54

I think wendying probably happens alot.

5Hearts Thu 03-Mar-16 09:01:10

Yes - I am increasingly self-aware, and look back and cringe on some of the things I have said and done in the past.
I definitely wasn't a Bridezilla and I am pretty sure I haven't wendied anyone but I do recognise some significant deviations from how I really want to be.
With the help of the stately homes thread I have been able to understand the behaviour of others around me more which has also enabled me to look at myself in a deeper way and actively seek positive change. I've started seeing a counsellor, which is painful at times - but I am finding it immensely useful.

orangelabel Thu 03-Mar-16 09:15:04

I'd be described as a female cocklodger on here. I have no plans to my behaviour though - it's an arrangement DH and I are happy with and it's our opinions which matter, not anyone else's.

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