Or is my mum re Mother's Day plans?

(58 Posts)
PiperChapstick Wed 02-Mar-16 14:00:55

In our house, like Xmas, we rotate Mother's Day days out- so one year I spend it with DD and DH just the 3 of us, another year we all do something with MIL and then another year we spend it with my mum. (FWIW I wouldn't have it this way if it was my choice but it's what we decided to best please my mum everyone).

This year is my mum's turn and I booked for us all to go for afternoon tea at a country house hotel.

Sadly, DHs nanna (MIL's mum) died on Saturday. She is of course devastated and taking it really hard. She is single and is feeling very alone so we have seen quite a bit of her since the weekend and I asked her to join us for afternoon tea. I couldn't bear the thought of her being alone on Mother's Day after losing her own mum (DH does have siblings but they're all useless and hadn't made plans with her for Mother's Day haven't even visited or called her since nannaILs death, just a text message from each of them angry)

MIL accepted and was really happy to join us, says she'll need a treat by then.

Told my mum, who is now in a sulk with me, as she thought it would just be me, her and DD (actually DH was coming all along!). I explained that MILS mum has died and she said that whilst it's very sad, she doesn't get many days just me and her, and MIL had her day last year.

AIBU or is she? I think she's being spectacularly fucking selfish!!

SweepTheHalls Wed 02-Mar-16 14:02:21

She is being unbelievably selfish

handslikecowstits Wed 02-Mar-16 14:03:16

YANBU. She is being very selfish. Is she often like this?

Tiggywinkler Wed 02-Mar-16 14:03:21

She is being selfish. Incredibly so!

I'd be tempted to say that you'll just take MIL on Sunday, and your DM can have her day with just you and DD another time, if that's what's most important to her.

ThursdayLastWeek Wed 02-Mar-16 14:03:59

I agree with you Piper!

Hopefully she's opened her mouth to speak without thinking through what she was saying. Perhaps she doesn't react to changed plans well? I know I can be a bit like that sometimes.

Fingers crossed she realises what an arse she sounds soon!

Stickerrocks Wed 02-Mar-16 14:04:08

Maybe she will put things in perspective after she's had chance to think about it. it does seem a bit of an over-reaction.

5Hearts Wed 02-Mar-16 14:04:48

Yanbu - she is being horribly selfish. Is that normal for her?

Shoxfordian Wed 02-Mar-16 14:04:48

She does sound quite unreasonable; is there a reason for this? Do you feel you generally do spend a lot of time with her?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 02-Mar-16 14:05:07

She sounds like my MIL. Quite horrible. I'd be really disappointed. Have you tried explaining that there's enough love to go round - it doesn't need to be rationed.

squoosh Wed 02-Mar-16 14:06:04

Your mum sounds like a spoilt child. Is she always this bad?

PiperChapstick Wed 02-Mar-16 14:06:30

She can be like this she's very PA. her own mum died 2 years ago so I thought she'd understand. I really do feel like telling her that we'll do something else on Mother's Day in the morning, as I'm worried she'll sit with a cats bum face during afternoon tea or upset my MIL who is already feeling fragile

RubbleBubble00 Wed 02-Mar-16 14:06:41

Selfish but sounds like it's not a new thing. Smooth it over perhaps with a mum and daughter afternoon out - not worth agro fighting with her

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 02-Mar-16 14:07:05

She is being selfish, definitely. Some people just can't see anyone else's perspective. Could you arrange something just the three of you in a week or two? (I know you shouldn't pander but that's what I'd do I think)

handslikecowstits Wed 02-Mar-16 14:08:41

My brain is screaming: DO NOT PANDER TO HER IN ANY WAY.

I will not tolerate sulking at all. It drives me bonkers.

PiperChapstick Wed 02-Mar-16 14:08:54

Do you feel you generally do spend a lot of time with her?

No but she lives away, she's coming up for the weekend (another reason as to why she's annoyed as she thought she was getting my exclusive time).

I have a very fraught relationship with her which I'm trying hard to mend. It's mainly fraught because she behaves like this and isn't good at putting herself in other people's shoes

MissBattleaxe Wed 02-Mar-16 14:09:07

I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be kind to your poor MIL right now! Your Mum is being selfish. Maybe arrange a mother/daughter shopping trip for another day as well, but make it plain that MIL will be coming and you are supporting her, so no sulking,

Honestly! I can't believe she would be so churlish!

CockwombleJeff Wed 02-Mar-16 14:10:52

Perhaps try to see it from her point of view - everybody is seeing it from MILs view - but what about your mums?

You are HER daughter , she is your mum - perhaps she desperately wants that time with you . Yes your MILs needs are very important at that time - but your mum has needs too and it sounds as though hers aren't being addressed just because your MIL is grieving .

squoosh Wed 02-Mar-16 14:10:58

I wouldn't arrange a mother/daughter day out a later date. No one is ever too old to learn that they're being an utterly selfish pain in the fucking arse and their behaviour won't be tolerated.

Ilovenannyplum Wed 02-Mar-16 14:11:21

Your mum is being beyond selfish confused

squoosh Wed 02-Mar-16 14:11:42

your mum has needs too and it sounds as though hers aren't being addressed just because your MIL is grieving

Good grief.

MissBattleaxe Wed 02-Mar-16 14:13:41

You are HER daughter , she is your mum - perhaps she desperately wants that time with you . Yes your MILs needs are very important at that time - but your mum has needs too and it sounds as though hers aren't being addressed just because your MIL is grieving

No, losing your mother trumps being whiny and wanting it to be all about you.

Justmuddlingalong Wed 02-Mar-16 14:13:44

I have a very fraught relationship with her which I'm trying hard to mend. Is your DM trying to mend your relationship? It will never improve while she behaves like this.

PiperChapstick Wed 02-Mar-16 14:15:10

Just it's a joint effort, I think we've both bitten our tongues a few times mind you!

diddl Wed 02-Mar-16 14:15:50

I can see why your mum is disappointed, but really you'll be there with her& your husband will be there with his mum, so that's fine.

Tell her if it doesn't suit then you'll see her some other time!

FigMango1 Wed 02-Mar-16 14:16:12

Yes your MILs needs are very important at that time - but your mum has needs too and it sounds as though hers aren't being addressed just because your MIL is grieving .

What utter rubbish.hmm

You sound lovely and thoughtful op. Don't pander to her selfish tantrum. Your mil needs you all right now. If she sits there with a stuck up face, just ignore her and carry on. The only one missing out will be her.

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