To think dds teacher is wrong?

(52 Posts)
stressedmind Wed 02-Mar-16 04:21:59

DD has been off school poorly. She has a couple of medical conditions which mean normal viruses floor her. She is past the 48 hour mark so can go back but she is still pale/ legs ache, feeling rough etc. In a realistic world I would keep her off longer however she would never be in if i did that and schools are full on attendance monitoring wise these days.

My issue is the pe teacher is insistent that if a child is in school they are well enough to do PE and will actively ignore notes from home and make them to it.

So dd who is just recovering will be doing outdoor pe in the cold and wet today while already feeling rotten.

Aibu and pfb or is she?

SofiaAmes Wed 02-Mar-16 04:25:06

I have a ds with mitochondrial disease which causes similar issues. I wish I had kept him off more than I did. And now that he's 15 and in high school (usa) he is in adaptive pe because the regular pe teachers can't seem to understand his medical limitations. Of course you are right and of course you need to keep her off if you can't trust the pe teacher to respect her needs. However, I would make sure that you discuss this with the head and get some written accommodations in place that prevent the pe teacher from abusing your child.

FanjofortheMammaries Wed 02-Mar-16 04:29:12

I think she doesn't sound well enough to be back quite yet..sorry.

Junosmum Wed 02-Mar-16 05:04:57

She is- there's a big difference between sitting in a warm classroom and running around in the cold and wet.

FanjofortheMammaries Wed 02-Mar-16 05:07:01

Yes I know. But OP Said she is "feeling rough" not just a bit tired.

Moreisnnogedag Wed 02-Mar-16 05:31:47

Yeah I'd make an appointment with the head. I can't imagine that he'd continue to do this if it's more explicitly laid out to him (and he's an idiot for doing it anyway)

threewords3 Wed 02-Mar-16 05:47:53

If she is still feeling rough and her legs ache then she is probably not ready to go back to school. A lot of schools have instigated a policy along the lines of 'if you are in school then you are well enough to participate fully in the school day, if you cannot then you should be at home'.

suzu1982 Wed 02-Mar-16 05:53:11

Can you not get work sent home for her? That way she is still getting something done, without the stress to her immune system.

JanieGaga Wed 02-Mar-16 06:00:52

I would keep her off. One more day off school won't hurt, the rest will do her recovery good, plus she gets out of PE without any hassle (I'm a teacher if that adds any weight to my suggestion).

greenfolder Wed 02-Mar-16 06:05:16

God, I sympathise. You can't do right for doing wrong, can you? Is she in secondary? If so, I think you should go along to whoever is dealing with pastoral care and lay out the case. I can sympathise with the teachers stance but I don't think with your daughters issues, the note to the teacher would really cover it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 02-Mar-16 06:16:34

Your DD's P.E. teacher is being unreasonable and really rather ridiculous. Children can go to school with a plaster cast on their legs, for e.g. - doesn't make them fit to do PE!

So I second/third the suggestions to make a meeting with the Head teacher and the PE teacher and lay down the issues, with a firm hand, to them both, making it clear that IF you send your DD back to school before she is entirely well, to conform to the attendance schedules that schools are forced to live by these days, then you expect them to pay attention to any notes that accompany her and allow her to miss PE if necessary.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Wed 02-Mar-16 06:18:39

I'd keep her off this time (today) and make an appointment to see the head of pastoral care/ head of year/ the head (depending on school size) and explain that your daughter's medical conditions mean the blanket policy on being well enough for outdoor PE if you are well enough to be in school are not appropriate in her case - point out it will mean her attendance and attainment dropping due to unnecessary full days out of the academic classroom if she is not catered for as an individual because of her medical situation.

cleaty Wed 02-Mar-16 06:38:14

Of course the PE teacher should not be doing this.

If you have a chronic illness you do often have to go into school or work at a point when others would stay off ill, otherwise you would spend most of your life off ill. Talk to the Head.

nooka Wed 02-Mar-16 06:38:32

We had this issue with our dd. She's not got any major issues, but she has asthma which seems to mean she gets hit with colds really badly, and when she gets tired or stressed she has really nasty migraines. She is also a perfectionist (not a good combo with stress induced migraines!) and hates missing school.

We've often had this issue where she's (just!) OK for the normal classroom but really not well enough for exercise. We also are in a school system where they have four subjects each semester, so when you have PE it's every day for up to an hour and a half, and often quite intense.

One of her PE teachers clearly thought she was trying it on, and despite our note he made her participate in class. That evening she had a really nasty migraine, and dh was furious. Next day he went in to talk to the PE teacher. dd told me later that while dh was very polite the teacher was a bit shaken up, so he obviously got his message across (possibly helped by being a good foot taller than the teacher) and he was much nicer to dd after that. It shouldn't take a parent having to be intimidating to get allowances made though. Some children just are less robust than others (ds is very very rarely ill, one or two days a year max, where dd has three or four weeks off) and PE can be really hard on them.

InYearAdmissions Wed 02-Mar-16 06:42:45

I remember being publicly told off and humiliated by DD's old deputy head as I sent her back but said she wasn't to do swimming. It was January and snowing and meant walk back from pool with wet hair madness. But was told in no uncertain terms if she is well enough for school she is well enough to swim. I totally disagree and held my ground.

The attendance thing has gone crazy imo. The teachers should be supportive if a child is clearly recovering and not well enough for PE.

Euphemia Wed 02-Mar-16 06:44:42

I'd meet with the HT to discuss provision for her for PE. PE lessons must be differentiated like any other, and given her ongoing medical issues there should be a specific plan for her.

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell Wed 02-Mar-16 06:47:05

so he obviously got his message across (possibly helped by being a good foot taller than the teacher)

Appalling to intimidate a teacher. There are other ways to go about it. Contact the head of department or headteacher instead. I hate this kind of behaviour. Teachers are having to follow a policy within their workplace - they are not trying to alienate and upset people. If your child has to be off and you are concerned that the teacher will follow the school policy then it's their line manager who you need to talk to.

And we wonder why teachers are leaving in droves.

sashh Wed 02-Mar-16 06:49:10

Bloody hell that teacher needs a bollocking. If you exercise with a virus you risk damaging your heart.

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell Wed 02-Mar-16 06:53:35

The teachers should be supportive if a child is clearly recovering and not well enough for PE.

Hard to know for sure though isn't it? There have been multiple threads on MN about parents whose kids don't like PE and the almost unanimous solution given was to make up an excuse note and give it in. "Just lie". "It's only PE". "I lied for my child for 2 years!!!" Etc.

Then you have a teacher trying to get their lesson off the ground with a whole queue of smirking students with "notes" (some forged, some written as lies by parents, oh and of course some real).

If they accepted every single excuse from every child every day, there would be very little PE going on. But that's what a lot of parents want anyway.

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell Wed 02-Mar-16 06:55:18

No the teacher does not need a bollocking - their line leader needs to talk to them about the school policy and if it is that kids coming into school should do some PE and that's that, then they need to speak to their headteacher about changing the policy so there can be exceptions.

AliciaMayEmory Wed 02-Mar-16 06:57:27

Yabnu but there are ways to sort this and not the way Nooka's DH did. Arrange a meeting with the head and the PE teacher and explain your DDs situation. Intimidation not necessary.

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 02-Mar-16 06:59:24

She really doesn't sound well. don't let this attendance nonsense get in the way of making a common sense decision.

the pe teacher couldn't be more wrong. there must have been dozens of children over the yrs who have broken legs or asthma or viruses that mean they can cope with the class room nut not running round fields in the rain

but then I'm. also a firm believer that "better an extra day off than they relapse or get the next bug and are off longer next time"

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 02-Mar-16 07:01:22

Oh and nookas dh can't help.it of teh teacher is a wimp. if he cab dish it out then he should be able to take it.

fair play to standing up fir his dd about time.more people did from the sound if it.

not as if sone of these people give a shit about being fair or friendly or polite

nooka Wed 02-Mar-16 07:03:19

We don't have a head of year/department system here, and teachers aren't leaving in droves either, in fact there is an over supply (we aren't in the UK). It wasn't school policy either, as we didn't have the same problem with dd's PE teacher the year before or this year. It was this teachers approach, and as it had the result that dd was crying with extreme pain for several hours, dh was not unreasonably very angry with him.

It shouldn't have happened. She was very obviously not well enough to exercise vigorously for over an hour. He could have set her some PE related but non physical work or allowed her to do homework as other PE teachers have before and afterward. dd finds it hard to stand her ground, so sometimes we need to back her up. As I said dh was very polite. He also wanted to make sure it didn't happen again. It's hardly dh's fault that the teacher in question was a smaller guy and dh is 6'5" - he was happy to intimidate dd after all, using his positional power. As parents we have very little authority over school, and our children's health is important.

FanjofortheMammaries Wed 02-Mar-16 07:07:08

I think in an ideal world if normal viruses floored her then there would be allowances made for her attendance and work given at home etc rather than you both feeling she has to struggle in after a "normal" time off with a virus when not really able to fully participate and feeling grim sad

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