Is it cheeky to expect mil to plate a dinner up but just not bother going round for dinner instead?

(74 Posts)
Sunshine87 Mon 29-Feb-16 09:26:11

Went round my DM for sunday dinner (was looking forward to a homecooked meal with being heavily pregnant) My DB was there on his own also for dinner. His DP was at home with the dog but expects a full meal to be plated up for everytime. My DM is very welcoming picks DB up and takes him home afterwards as they don't drive. His DP is invited but chooses to remain with the dog.

Abiu to think its really bad manners when invited round for dinner not go but expect a meal to be plated up and taken round. This isn't a one off occassion and happens regularly. If me and DH are invited for family meals we go together.

Minisoksmakehardwork Mon 29-Feb-16 09:42:06

It's cheeky to expect it as a given, as they're choosing not to go rather than unexpectedly unable to make it. My dh doesn't always make dinner at my parents as he works every other weekend. If there's enough for a dinner left after everyone has had their fill, mum will do a plate for him. But it's not expected and if there's not enough, I make him a hot meal when he gets in.

But perhaps your mum likes doing a plate for them and always over cooks?

AugustRose Mon 29-Feb-16 09:42:32

Yes it is very cheeky and rude. If it was a one off and she was feeling poorly then fair enough but not all the time, I wouldn't be so accommodating if I was your DM.

Sunshine87 Mon 29-Feb-16 09:48:51

Its expected all the time, my DM thinks its rude but does it for DB. My DM has plated for my DH when hes been working and i've been invited but he would never not make the effort to go round but want a meal putting aside for him.

At christmas they wanted their two dogs to come so they could have dinner and DM said no they are extremely bouncy and DF has had a stroke he has limited sight not to meantion the young GC . In the end they did both leave the dogs and came for dinner.

VagueIdeas Mon 29-Feb-16 09:54:10

I think your mum needs to start saying no.

If she isn't good enough to spend time with, she isn't good enough to provide takeaway services.

OnlyLovers Mon 29-Feb-16 10:06:54

It's fucking outrageous. If you don't go to dinner you miss out on the food; simple as that.

sleeponeday Mon 29-Feb-16 10:08:55

This is the flipside of the monster MIL threads. I imagine your SIL has redeeming features - by itself this isn't monstrous - but it is definitely selfish and entitled and rude, and you are not BU to think so.

Is she a PITA in other ways, or is this the main one? As in, is she just a weirdly fixated dog-owner and thoughtless, or is she a princess more generally?

acasualobserver Mon 29-Feb-16 10:09:38

Agree with pp - you have to be poorly to expect this sort of concession.

Waltermittythesequel Mon 29-Feb-16 10:11:17

Hang on; she sits at home and expects your dm to bring her a plate when she's returning your db from his what sounds like access visit?

Cheeky cow!

Sunshine87 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:11:56

My thoughts excately. If someones gone to the effort to freshly cook a meal you go. Especially when you get picked up and taken home. Surely a dog can be left for a couple of hours. I wouldn't expect my own mil to plate me food up.

caitlinohara Mon 29-Feb-16 10:12:05

When I worked on Sundays DM used to have dh and the kids over for Sunday lunch and she would always send a plate of dinner home for me for when I got home. I really appreciated it and looked forward to it. That's a bit different from staying at home with the dog though! Does she send food for the dog as well??

Sunshine87 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:15:17

Theres more she doesn't work they have no dependants. She says she can't work as shes got to look after the dogs. DB works full time and had his hours reduced, she didnt go out and get a part time job to help but then DB would ask DM to borrow money as they were struggling hmm

cavedescreux Mon 29-Feb-16 10:15:44

On the face of it it seems cheeky, but maybe your mum enjoys spending time with her son on his own and doesn't mind sending round the leftovers?!

Sunshine87 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:16:06

Yes the dogs have to have the a plate for them aswell grin

drinkingtea Mon 29-Feb-16 10:16:39

Yes it is cheeky. Obviously.

Sounds as though she is using the dogs as some kind of rather unconvincing self created shield from real life!

Krampus Mon 29-Feb-16 10:17:49

It's unusual but leave them to it.

If your mil is unhappy then she needs to start saying no, oh sorry as I was only expecting x for lunch so that's who I cooked for. The partner may be a demanding sort but maybe one day db went for the meal and said to his partner don't worry I will bring you a plate home, then it became a routine. Maybe she thinks she is being polite by accepting it but ends up giving it to the dog grin

irlouise13 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:18:02

how exactly have your db and his partner expressed this expectation? Are you sure it isn't something your mother has just developed a habit of doing and now wants to break but doesn't know how?

diddl Mon 29-Feb-16 10:18:12

Well if your mum thinks it's rude then she needs to stop.

How is it "for your brother"?hmm

drinkingtea Mon 29-Feb-16 10:18:17

Although I disagree that she is obliged to go to your DM's because she has cooked a meal - perfectly acceptable not to go, not acceptable not to go but to openly expect a meal sent to you every time.

Only1scoop Mon 29-Feb-16 10:18:23

Sounds like your DM needs to break the old routine.

Maybe take her out next time

drinkingtea Mon 29-Feb-16 10:19:22

irlouise makes a good point "how exactly have your db and his partner expressed this expectation? Are you sure it isn't something your mother has just developed a habit of doing and now wants to break but doesn't know how?"

ComeonSummer1 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:19:48

Oh my days the cheeky lazy cow.

Your dm is a saint.

diddl Mon 29-Feb-16 10:20:23

How often does this happen?

Perhaps someone else should do the cooking/hosting?

Maybe your mum should cook less/dish it all out or say that any leftovers are for her& your dad the next day?

Sunshine87 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:20:38

My DM does it for DB sake. Me and other DB think its mega cheeky.tho. We had a new baby in the family my second DB and his DW they live quite far but we all made the effort to travel to see the new arrival. DB DP was invited but didnt make the effort to go again she had to stay with the dogs. hmm

MorrisZapp Mon 29-Feb-16 10:21:07

Surely though she's just taking something that is offered to her? Or does she actually phone your mum and say could you bring my dinner over?

Also is 'plate up' some kind of euphemism? I often take dinner home to DP from my various parental bases, it involves tipper ware or judicious repurposing of ice cream tubs.

Do people drive actual plates of food around?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now