to really miss my friend?

[TatyanaTolstaia]

Best friends since we were 13/14 and now, a good decade on, would still count her amongst my closest friends. She has often described me as her best friend so it's not just one-sided!

Neither of us are in serious relationships and both have normal-ish, non-career jobs since leaving university. So we have free time in hols, finish at 5.30 on the dot, all fairly relaxed.

I am a bit sad that we don't keep in touch more. It seems to go in phases: I often text her funny pictures or things that make me smile and she'll reply with the same. But she never answers her phone, often is really difficult to get hold of and it's just making me really miss her! (I don't think I'm particularly needy btw.)

She went abroad for a while with work and I was there for long calls when she was missing home; she kept saying how excited she was to see me properly when she got back, and we made so many plans. But those plans seem to have dissipated into nothing and she is rarely available for long catch-ups - we have coffee now and then or lunch, but ideally given that we don't see each other super frequently, I'd love to have a whole weekend together, or plan a minibreak or something.

I'm 99% sure she hasn't just suddenly hated me, I think she gets busy doing things with housemates, seeing family, seeing old uni friends... I do all of that stuff too but equally would love it if she could just spare a few mins every now and then to tell me how she is!

There's no way I want to bring this up to her in person. I don't want to upset her and would rather it came from her, I don't want her to feel press-ganged into a friendship! But just mourning it really. I really, really miss her.

[TatyanaTolstaia]

I'm not sure whether to cool things off a bit and just wait for her to get in contact with me?

Perhaps I'm being too demanding.

I'm very used to being in frequent contact with other close friends (just messaging every couple of days, sending things that make us smile, having a chat on the phone...) and I would love to have that with her

[CaptainCrunch]

Well she's not a mind reader.

[TatyanaTolstaia]

Well, yeah, but I have broached it in past conversations and she always agrees but nothing ever comes of it. I can't force her to do anything can I!

I already feel like I'm making more effort as it is (no bad thing, someone has to, but I'm always the one texting/messaging) - surely if she wanted to she could just reply?! I mean how long does it take? 2 mins?

[theycallmemellojello]

I think that messaging every few days is quite a lot. Even for friends I love I would find that overwhelming. Maybe you just need to find your own rhythm with this friend - set a time for a phone call or lunch date every month? You can still message in between. Suggest a mini break if you want I guess, but if she can't manage it don't take it personally.

[CaptainCrunch]

I think you need to back off a bit.