...Or are our friends?

[flyfree1394]

Have three DDs aged 14, 12 and 9.

Very good friends announced their engagement a few months ago and invited the DDs to be flower girls - all three delighted.

Have now received formal invitation.

It says on it that no child under 10 can attend. DD3 is 9, will still be 9 at the time of the wedding.

Contacted friends to check that DD3 was still a flower girl.

Basically they want her there for the ceremony, pictures etc, but she won't be allowed to come to the reception/party afterwards. In short DD3 is expected to sit through a long ceremony, pose for pictures, look like a little angel, etc, then watch her sisters go to a fun party that she can't attend. We are expected to sort out childcare in a place that is miles from our home.

AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous?

[Lottie2611]

Yeah that's really stupid

[rollonthesummer]

Yep- I'd decline for all of you, citing childcare reasons.
What do they expect you to do with her for the reception?! Did they say on the phone?

[DoreenLethal]

Batshit.

So she is supposed to go home, let herself in, and spend the day busying herself around the house whilst the rest of you are partying? At 9?

Sure these are friends? Sound like users to me.

[NightWanderer]

10 is such an arbitrary cut-off point. I can understand 16 or 18 if there will be a lot of drinking, but why 10? She's so close to 10 too.

If it's a hotel then perhaps set up a mini party for all 3 girls in the hotel room and just you and your husband can party downstairs. The 14 year old is old enough to watch the other 2.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Ludicrous. Other people would understand an exception to the general rule for a bridesmaid!

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

That's really unfair of them. Poor little girl. Yanbu.

[TheoriginalLEM]

if this were me my friend would be looking for three new bridesmaids.

[lilywhite32]

Sounds like a crazy rule. I'd decline of it were me I think or else have none of the kids go to the after party.

[pilates]

What disgusting behaviour and these are your friends .

[Woodenmouse]

I don't understand their reasoning at all! She is nearly 10 and a bridesmaid surely she should be there.

[StitchesInTime]

YANBU. Sounds extremely unfair to your DD3. Plus impractical because of the childcare requirements.

[stardusty5]

They abu. She is a matter of months out and is part of the wedding party.

[lalalalyra]

I'd decline for all of you. That's just rude - you either invite a child or you don't. You don't get them to look pretty for your pictures then ban them from the fun part of the day because they are a few months below your arbitrary age cut off.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

Yes I'd decline too.

[DansonslaCapucine]

Definitely your friends being unreasonable. No way can you leave one of three out. She'll feel horribly rejected.

I would decline for everyone.

[Sunshine87]

I just wouldn't entertain the idea of going if they are hoing tp treat your dd3 like this.

[tobysmum77]

Yanbu. If they didn't want under 10s there that's fine but you can't just order one to look cute in the pictures. And presumably she's going to be really disappointed as she was looking forward to it?

[Runner05]

That sounds very unreasonable.

I think I would be telling her that unfortunately you are not comfortable with that arrangement and don't feel you can let any of the children be bridesmaids if one of them will be excluded from the party.

People get funny about their "perfect" wedding but if she didn't want kids there she shouldn't expect to still be able to have "cute" kid bridesmaids. Personally if she didn't reconsider I would also decline to attend myself but that would probably end the friendship so you may just want to leave all 3 kids at home.

[Lightbulbon]

I'd be raving mad at her/them.

Your DC isn't an object to be 'used' to look pretty in photos then disposed of when her presence becomes an inconvenience!

They are pimping her. It's disgusting.

I wouldn't want anything to do with people like that.

[acasualobserver]

If you don't feel able to pull out, could you or your OH miss the reception in order to do something nice with the youngest?

[BlueMoonRising]

I'd do the same. Say that it would be unfair on DD to miss out when she had been looking forward to it, and you aren't okay with everyone else going out to enjoy it while she was left out.

I wouldn't cite childcare reasons. That's not really the main issue here.

[nocabbageinmyeye]

how fecking rude are they

I'd rsvp back TODAY so they can't say yabu not giving them notice and tell them none of you are going. I'm all for child free weddings or even an age cut off she but the child is 9 ffs it's not like there is a huge difference, they asked her to be flowergirl, you cannot do that and leave one child out, no no no, i would stand my ground on this, cheeky rude fuckers

[Katenka]

Yanbu. I wouldn't go. It's not the 'no kids under 10' rule. It's the getting dd all excited then dropping this in.

[flyfree1394]

Thank you all so much for these really comforting replies I thought maybe we were going mad!

This is DH's best friend from school, and I'm very good friends with his fiancé, so it would be a real shame not to go.

But maybe that's what we will just have to do.

I like the idea of a mini party for the DDs thanks, I may put that forward as an idea as they are the only children going.