Do school think I stole another child's coat?

[getagoldmedal]

My son (I'll call him Terry) came home yesterday without his school branded jacket. This jacket had been given to us as second hand as a gift by another family as their son (I'll call him Ron) had grown out of it.

When I received the coat it had Ron's name label in it. I crossed 'Ron' out with an indelible marker and wrote 'Terry' beside it - very clearly.

Terry told me that school staff had insisted he give the coat back to Ron, despite Terry insisting Ron's mother had given it to him. I understood that this might be an easy mistake for the school to make and I was going to have a gentle discussion with the school this afternoon.

This morning Ron's mum came up to me this morning asking why I'd done this; showing me a photograph of the label and writing in a really panicked and upset manner - I had to remind her she'd given me the coat. I think perhaps she thought I had done this to his current coat. This was rather embarrassing for all involved.

AIBU to be really pissed off? What is the insinuation here: that I had stolen Ron's jacket? This is the only explanation for their thought process. What had they discussed it with Ron's mum and not me? The school didn't speak to me today or yesterday, and I think that they should have spoken to me in the first instance, before going to Ron's mum or perhaps in addition to.

AIBU to make a complaint on this basis?

[duckyneedsaclean]

I wouldn't make a complaint, but it is a bit weird.

[Ticktacktock]

Embarrassing enough for all involved. Sort it with the mum then leave it!

[LadyOrangutan]

Think about it from their point of view. If you had stolen it, of course they wouldn't go to you first.

BUT I would go out of my way to make sure they are now aware of the facts and that you are innocent of their presumptions.

[Mummamayhem]

Rons mum is clearly an idiot if she can't remember. Yes they're assuming it's Rons coat but I suppose it did still have his name on it.

[TondelayaDellaVentamiglia]

has Ron's mother forgotten she gave you the coat...that's the weird thing

Why on earth would she not remember buying a new proper sized coat for Ron and passing his small outgrown one to Terry

[Oneteddyonekitten]

I agree re Ron's mum - surely she would have remembered straight away. That's why I think they told Ron's mum I had nicked the coat, and got her so riled up she wasn't able to remember the obvious.

[Witchend]

I suspect that Ron's lost his proper sized coat. Either you've accidentally got the bigger (I assume you checked that your ds hasn't picked up the bigger one) or school was looking out for it and made a wrong but understandable mistake. It's certainly a tale I've heard several times on here, where someone has pinched it and just scribbled the old name out and replaced.

[Oneteddyonekitten]

So we agree that they are suspecting me of nicking the coat? Wouldn't anyone else be pissed off by this?

[CrockedPot]

This is odd! My friend hands me down her DS' jackets etc to me and I do the same, cross his name out and put my DS' on. If the school asked my DS what happened he would explain, and that would be that. And if they didn't believe it, and asked my friend, she would say 'oh that's fine, I gave my DS old coat to CrockedPots son' Did the mum not remember she had given you a coat??

[LyndaNotLinda]

Name change fail.

I'd be pissed off with Ron's mum, not the school

[Oneteddyonekitten]

Thanks for pointing out name change.

I'm not at all pissed off with Ron's mum. She isn't a good pal, so although I think it is a bit odd she didn't remember the obvious, she equally doesn't need to be impartial or professional as I think the school really should.

[gooseberryroolz]

Thanks for pointing out name change.

It didn't really need pointing out

[SavoyCabbage]

I'd be pissed off with the school for not listening to terry when he said it was now his coat. Why wouldn't they just say 'OK' to that.

And I'd be pissed of with ron's mother too as she was accusing you of pinching his coat. She must know you if she's handing down clothes. So why does she think you would steal her child's coat!

[MeMySonAndl]

I would probably make a fuss and asked them to talk to me first before they accuse me of stealing stuff with my child an another parent.

This remind me a time when there was someone stealing clothes from the pegs in the holiday club. DS had his new coat stolen, and the club told me I never send it in, then a jumper, again the same stupid remark, and then the thief stole his old coat. The staff forcefully made the point that DS was not wearing it at the start of the day until I pointed out the detachable hood of the coat, still at the peg, that the thief had left behind. I just said to them I was pretty sure I had not sent DS with a detachable hood only that morning! Frankly, I was morre irritated by the staff's attitude than the thefts.

[Ilovetorrentialrain]

OP did she actually forget giving you the coat? How odd!

(Name changes are really obvious as OP posts are in a different colour for a lot of people). I got confused then too!

[SaucyJack]

I think you could've avoided all the bother if you'd just put your son's name in it when it was first handed down to you is what I think.

[Justanotherusername1]

How odd. In the primary mine went too dd3 (my 4th) when she was in year 6 came home with a school coat that was a tiny size.. It was sent home with her because on the back of the tiny label was her older brothers name (who was no longer in the school) However the size of it made it clear it would not be hers as a hand me down.

I had actually donated it back to the school to sell in a 2nd hand uniform sale. Thankfully I knew who had bought it as she had one day in general chat told me she had found out it was ours she had got. So it was returned to her (and she made sure a better label of her surname was in it)

At no point though was it claimed any one had stolen the coat. A strange thing to do.

[Oneteddyonekitten]

I did put my son's name in it, Saucy, the day it was given to us. I even sent the parents a fecking thank you card!

The children are in different classes, and don't hang their coats near each other. I don't know why they didn't listen to Terry either. It's odd.

[Phalenopsisgirl]

As if you'd steal a coat and then simply cross through the name, lol

[Oneteddyonekitten]

Ron's mum walked up to me saying 'are you Terry's mum?' I'm not sure if she had completely forgotten, not realised who I/my son was etc. Look, I think she is a bit odd for forgetting she'd given me a coat and presumably leaving Ron's coat on his actual peg at the end of the day. But I am pissed off with the school, the insinuation is that I am a thief - a stupid one who could quite easily have cut out the name label (I realise the irony of me saying this) and never have been found out.

[StealthPolarBear]

Hoe odd. I've had similar with jumpers we've handed on but school handled it badly

[Oneteddyonekitten]

MemysonandI - I would find this so irritating, why would they (with 30-odd kids to think about) know everything sent in by each parent, and you (with one or two) not have a clue?!

[hmcAsWas]

Ron's mum is away with the fairies! - considering she had received a thank you note for it

[MammaTJ]

The only thing you can do is next time Ron's mum offers you something is to say you can't be dealing with the hassle that it will cause and you would rather buy brand new without being pre-labelled, thank you very much!

It is most odd that she could not remember having given it to you, and would have pissed me off majorly, especially upsetting my DC!

[JenEric]

I can't imagine it's that unusual although sadly there will be people who just take things and cross out names. I've lost a few logo items to this at DDs old school. She would come home with a plain cardigan on (never a name on it) and we would never see ours again...

My DS has several jumpers that say Harry Surname in them. DS is not called Harry. His mum gave them to me and used a better pen than I do and DS name keeps rubbing off and leaving his! School asked DS once if he was sure it was his jumper. He told them Harry's mummy X gave them to me because Harry is bigger than me. There has never been an issue. No one has ever asked me about it. (I can't say I've ever asked Harry's mum if anyone said anything to her) However one day we did get Harry's actual current jumper... (he is in the year above DS and they had been playing together at lunch and swapped by accident! I know his mum as our DDs are in the same class. DS has a LOT of uniform that says Harry in it.)