to just want to give up

(12 Posts)
Thatlldo Wed 24-Feb-16 02:14:54

everyday is a struggle. It has been this way for a decade

shit stuff is always happening to me. Abusive partner. lone parent for 20 years. did all the right things, went, studied, trained. got a 'good' job. Pay is awful, working conditions terrible. constantly stressed. cry almost every day because i cannot cope with the workload and hours i do. such is public sector under a tory govt.

I have no money, no home, no security, nothing. got evicted from my old rented flat last year. homeless for a while. Moved into a shared rented flat, live with people who exclude me. hate it but cant afford to move.

i go on dates occasionally; no man ever wants to see me more than twice. I have aged badly. i'm 50, look it. Tired eyes, bags, droopy face. put on weight. feel so ugly. i know they are disappointed when they meet me. I can hide the unhappiness, be positive and lively when I am out, have evenings full of mutual chat and connnections and I always get the 'i like you as a friend' line. I know if I looked prettier they would want to see me again.. I'm not daft. It hurts. I look in the mirror, I see a tired wreck too.

I am so lonely. I have a few friends, but they have partners. I spend much of my time alone. I make friends sometimes but it rarely feels easy.

i just feel at the end of my life now

RudeElf Wed 24-Feb-16 02:28:29

sad i am so sorry OP i dont have anything useful to say to you but i didnt want this to go unanswered. I feel the same for different reasons and dont know any answers.

thanks

gooseberryroolz Wed 24-Feb-16 02:39:44

Sorry you're feeling so low That flowers

If these chaps are thinking 'shock, horror, 50 year old woman doesn't look 30' then they're a bit intellectually challenged, no?

I did some online dating when I was 33 and it all felt very superficial and transactional to me. Soulless, even. I'm not sure I'd do it if I was feeling low anyway. You're brave, but maybe some time off from it would help?

MattDillonsPants Wed 24-Feb-16 03:01:24

First and foremost you need to change your accommodation. Living with people who aren't nice and who exclude you is terrible and will be having a massively draining effect on you.

Do you live in an area where council flats are hard to get? Are you in London for instance?

goddessofsmallthings Wed 24-Feb-16 03:32:16

I agree with Matt. Living with peope who exclude you will do nothing for your self-esteem or self-confidence.

Have you enquired as to whether your public sector job makes you eligible for affordable social housing with a housing association or the borough/county you work in?

If not, I suggest you start looking around for another flatshare where you'll be welcomed by, and able to interact with, the other residents.

MattDillonsPants Wed 24-Feb-16 04:40:21

Also consider "alternative" accomodation such as a trailer type arrangment. There are many static caravan parks near to where I was born in which people live all year round. They're often great communities in the UK. Another option which might work better for you is a studio flat...smaller but private.

Clearoutre Wed 24-Feb-16 07:38:25

I'm so sorry you seem overwhelmed, do deal with things just one step at a time...if you worry that you have tired-looking eyes (very common in all ages!) then look at online tutorials for make up tips to disguise it...I saw an unusually clever trick using red lipstick, look at possible career moves or speak to your boss about current working conditions and see if you can negotiate some changes, be a hair model & get a cheap cut/colour to refresh your look (take a photo as students havent always developed their intuition yet!)...keep going and tackle things, however small, one victory at a time and please do take this pressure off yourself flowers

RudeElf Wed 24-Feb-16 09:21:49

I can vouch for the red lipstick trick. I have terrible insomnia and it leaves horrible purple bags under my eyes. Normal concealer helps but leaves them still looking grey/blue. The red lipstick completely hides them! I was sceptical but it really is worth a shot.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 24-Feb-16 11:19:56

Have a look on meetup.com for groups in your local area.
Get involved with some things you might enjoy and make new friends that way.
If you do feel overweight then at 50, I'm sure you know exactly what to do about it.
Could you change jobs at all?
Get into the private sector?

I'm sorry you are having a shite time of it all.

startingmylifeagain Wed 24-Feb-16 11:39:58

Sorry you're feeling so bad OP flowers

Pps have given you some good advice however I just wanted to add, is it at all possible for you to move to a cheaper area? Your kids are presumably grown up and flown the nest?

We recently moved to the West Country and love it. It's a beautiful part of the country and so peaceful. Rent is dirt cheap. Jobs are harder to find but I'm sure you can find some appropriate positions if you keep looking.
Plus you will have the "fresh start" mindset? Look on it as an adventure and the next chapter?!

You are in no way obligated to follow this advice, I'm aware that moving across the country is a huge step and it may not be possible for you. Just a thought.

As for wanting to meet someone, of course you do, it's only natural. There's thousands upon thousands of single, decent men in this country though who would more than likely feel honoured to become part of your life, so please don't give up on it. Maybe step away from online dating though for a few weeks /months?

Get yourself a new hairstyle, one that you really love, maybe treat yourself to some new makeup? Dye your hair a colour that you've always admired but never quite had the courage to try?
I always find that when my hair looks gorgeous I radiate confidence for some reason!

Can you afford to book yourself a weekend away by yourself or with a friend? A cheap city break, whether abroad or in the UK? Something to look forward to and enjoy doing some research into?
If you can't find someone to go with, go anyway by yourself! Travelling alone can be an unforgettable adventure.

I hope you find a measure of happiness soon OP. Keep us posted on what you plan to do.

Thatlldo Mon 30-May-16 01:04:20

still struggling.
met someone, fell in love. got dumped after what felt like a couple of amazing weeks. heart broken.
trying to find cheaper accommodation. got a chance of a nice flat (keyworker rental ) but couldn't get the deposit together in time so it went to someone else

everyday is a struggle. sick of this life

goddessofsmallthings Thu 09-Jun-16 03:38:07

Although yoiu don't seem to be aware of it, life has improved for you since you posted here in that you met a guy who didn't give you the 'I like you as a friend' line and you were offered a nice flat at keyworker rental.

Despite neither events working out the way you wanted them to, what you need to hold onto is the fact that there's no reason why others won't follow.

Save as much as you can so that you won't be caught short if another flat comes along and, above all, stay positive - life isn't meant to be a struggle and it won't be if you are able to find opportunity in what appears to be adversity.

May I suggest you ask mumsnet to move this thread to the Relationships board where others can give you the encouragement you need to change your life for the better?

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