Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

(388 Posts)
Whatthefreakinwhatnow Tue 23-Feb-16 12:07:22

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! blush

Jaxinthebox Tue 23-Feb-16 12:09:17

this person is taking the piss! Dont feel bad.

almostthirty Tue 23-Feb-16 12:09:25

Yanbu. She is taking the piss.

VimFuego101 Tue 23-Feb-16 12:10:25

She's taking the piss.

wannaBe Tue 23-Feb-16 12:10:34

No yanbu.

MilleniumTalcum Tue 23-Feb-16 12:10:46

Yanbu. Cheeky git.

glasgowlass Tue 23-Feb-16 12:10:50

Oh she's definitely taking the piss. I reckon she sees you as her "free" childcare now. She's at it big time!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Tue 23-Feb-16 12:11:12

YES! Thank you! She's really arsey that I've said no,so wanted to be sure it wasn't just me!

GoringBit Tue 23-Feb-16 12:12:42

She's taking the piss. Well done on saying no - and her reaction to it tells you everything you need to know about her.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Tue 23-Feb-16 12:13:16

If never met her before the play date, DD gave her friend a note with my number to arrange it, so I was pretty suprised the first time, let alone the rest!

KinkyAfro Tue 23-Feb-16 12:13:23

Glad you've nipped it in the bud, don't let her talk you round though!

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 23-Feb-16 12:13:32

People who take the piss generally react poorly when called on it.....

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 23-Feb-16 12:14:34

YANBU, she's taking the piss, well done for having the courage to say no.

SaucyJack Tue 23-Feb-16 12:14:59

Is the "something" that's come up her boyfriend's penis perchance?

Cheeky cow.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Tue 23-Feb-16 12:15:31

I won't let her talk me round, I'm fine with helping out but three sleepovers in a week is a bit much lol!

I'm probably the latest in a long line aren't I?!

MrsBungle Tue 23-Feb-16 12:16:10

My god. Yanbu at all. She's got a brass neck.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Tue 23-Feb-16 12:16:33

saucy that made me chuckle. I must admit I did think the same. I know she has a new one as her daughter was talking about him to my DD at dinner.

CheesyNachos Tue 23-Feb-16 12:19:35

YANBU and you are way more patient than me.

Katedotness1963 Tue 23-Feb-16 12:20:05

You are not being unreasonable. If things "come up" so often she needs a proper plan in place and not expect you to pick up the slack.

I like having my kids friends over and for sleepovers, they're great kids and no bother, but it's just not as relaxing having them in the house. I can't slob about in my nightie, can't go to bed with the door open so I can hear what's going on, can't wander about in the night because they crash in the living room with sleeping bags, and I feel obliged to have "proper food" with veg and fruit instead of macaroni and cheese or a pizza.

HandsoffGary Tue 23-Feb-16 12:21:11

I would be intrigued about the "something that has come up" requiring over night childcare and do more digging tbh.

I would dig further but equally you are not in the wrong for saying no to another over night when you have your hands full already.

KinkyAfro Tue 23-Feb-16 12:21:23

You probably are OP. I definitely wouldn't have her overnight again. I'd also ask when she's going to reciprocate

figureofspeech Tue 23-Feb-16 12:22:01

If you really wanted to be a cow you could have a quiet word with the school's safeguarding person about your concern that she left her child with you over night having never met you before.

Kitsandkids Tue 23-Feb-16 12:22:21

That's really sad that she's willing to leave her own child overnight three times in a week with someone she'd never met before the first time! I feel sorry for her daughter that she's happy to palm her out to anyone who'll have her!

You're definitely not being unreasonable. Personally, I might allow a sleepover at weekends, but I would definitely say no to them during the week when the kids have to have enough sleep to function properly at school. The only time I might allow a mid week sleepover is if a relative or close friend has an actual emergency and needs help - not just a vague 'something has come up!'

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath Tue 23-Feb-16 12:23:14

She was arsey with you?! shock

God no, you are not being horrible or unreasonable AT ALL.

1) Children shouldn't be having sleepovers on a school night unless there is an emergency going on that the parents need help with.

2) She doesn't know you

3) I would be concerned about the child's wellbeing if she's being farmed out to all and sundry at every opportunity. Her mother sounds a nightmare.

Have the child around to play again if your DD asks to, but never offer a sleepover and if the mother asks you to 'do her a favour' just say you can't. Some people are so bloody cheeky with palming their kids off onto others.

StealthPolarBear Tue 23-Feb-16 12:24:28

How dare she be arsed that you've said no, having had her dd overnight twice at short notice in tbe last week!

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