To move out of the city?

[TaraBoxBrain]

Ok, bit of background info. Ex DH and I divorced 2 years ago, we are on very good terms and co parent. I have our 3 DC 4/5 days a week, he has them 2/3.

We both have new partners, I live with mine. I am now 3 months pregnant (unplanned, haven't told anyone yet).

We both live in a small city. The DC go to an incredibly good (state) school which was very difficult to get into. our eldest DC is starting secondary in Sep and is likely going to get a place in a very very good local secondary.

DH and I have quite a messy separation (kids know nothing of this) and there have been quite a few raised eyebrows and 'side taking' (mainly against me) among people we know here. My mother and I don't really speak, but she is very close to ex DH.

My father, his wife and my extended family live who I'm close to in a nearby town (30 mins drive). It's lovely and has a very laid back feel, slightly 'alternative'. I've always wanted to live there and with the new baby due would really like to move there as I have a better support network.

I think DC would have a better quality of life, there is lots of gorgeous countryside and a real sense of community, so much going on. We don't live close to their current school so they can't really walk to school and they don't have many friends locally here.

The schools are not as good in the new town. I would be extremely reluctant to move their school, mainly because of the emotional disruption but also because the schools aren't as great academically..... Only an ofsted point away though, so maybe I'm being silly?

So would I be unreasonable to make the move?

Ex DH supports the idea but wouldn't want them to move schools.

[TaraBoxBrain]

Maybe I would have been better posting under a different topic ?

[HereIAm20]

If Ex DH supports the idea but wouldn't want them to move schools is it doable with them not moving schools. In matters of an ex the path or least resistance is usually the most desirable! Of course, once you have the new baby perhaps it would make it unfeasible or would it still be manageable.

Is there transportation to the school available or would you/your partner have to do it every time.

How much would it upset the applecart if you were to move, try it on the basis they stay where they are for the time being to see how it goes. Is you having a baby with your new partner likely to trigger jealousy/anger in your ex?

Sorry not very helpful - just seem to have added more things for you to consider. In the long run go with what works for you.

[TaraBoxBrain]

Thanks for your reply HereIAm.

So I would be doing a hell of a school run, I'd be driving for around 3 hours a day, but only 3 days a week. I may be able to enlist my partners help with school run too as he works in the city.

DC say they would be happy to move there, but I'm very reluctant to bring in any new changes, I feel they have had enough change over the last few years.

I'm just worried I'm being selfish and impulsive.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

It would depend on the age of your children but I would be inclined to wait until the new baby [congratulations] is nearing school age in the hope that your three oldest will all be in the good secondary school and in a position to do the commute by bus themselves. 30 mins at secondary age is not an issue.

Of course, if your current youngest is only around 5yrs old then that's not a runner.

[TaraBoxBrain]

I think the problem would be living in another town to the secondary school they attended.

It would be very difficult for them to pop into town with friends or generally get out and about in the same way the local kids could.

[Bullshitbingo]

I think you prob would be a bit silly to move, that's a hell of a commute and you still have several years to go presumably. I don't think you can realistically change schools either as you're right, it would be unfair on the kids and also your ex-h as I assume he would then have a long school run to your town on the days he has the kids?

[Bullshitbingo]

Agree with a pp, stick where you are and think about a move in a few years time when the kids are older and can get to school and back themselves?

[cestlavielife]

the dc could stay but live with their dad, stay in the good schools and come to you on alternate weekends and one night in week? so the school run would be only on say monday mornings and maybe another week day?

[cestlavielife]

driving your newborn around for around 3 hours a day would be madness. even if three times per week. (what happens the other two - they stay with dad? )

[Artandco]

I would. 30 mins to school isn't bad at all. Where I grew up everyone travelled into main city for secondary as all smaller towns had no secondary schools. It was fine. By 11 we took his in a bed back every day to school alone.

[Artandco]

By 11 we took the bus in every day alone I meant.

With your arrangements it would be just a few school runs a week, and eventually ideally half of those they do on bus alone, maybe you take in the morning and back by bus for example

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Maybe you should visit your proposed new schools with your critical hat on?

30 mins is not far for additional family support either.

Is it an option to move closer to their existing schools so they are more integrated into the community?