...to want to go away overnight without dh or kids

(100 Posts)
belwiz Fri 19-Feb-16 16:10:02

Background is: long term friend since uni days having weekend away (posh hotel, spa etc) to celebrate her 40th. Thought it a bit much to leave dh with 3 DCs (8,6 and nearly 2yo) all weekend so said I'd try to go just sat late avo and be back sun lunchtime. DH utterly doesn't get why I 'need' to go, essentially vetoing it ('well, obvs I can't stop you but....and then lists all reasons I shouldn't go.) He thinks I'm being selfish and unreasonable. I think it's not a major ask, given that I've never done this Before in our 8 yrs as parents. Money not an issue. Sadly, he rarely socialises so, unlike lots of couples, there's no scope for repaying the favour. Would really appreciate your thoughts as have lost sight of what's reasonable anymore. Most others going all weekend also have young kids. Apols for ramble.

EatShitDerek Fri 19-Feb-16 16:12:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sonjadog Fri 19-Feb-16 16:13:27

You should go. You don't have to spend every moment you have with your husband and children. That sounds suffocating.

Yanbu. Go for the weekend. Have fun. Ignore your husband's complaining.

Katedotness1963 Fri 19-Feb-16 16:14:30

Go, enjoy your weekend, it'll all be fine, you are definitely not being selfish!

teacher54321 Fri 19-Feb-16 16:15:03

Of course YANBU! I have one Ds and have been away for one or two nights at a time since he was about 15mo. Hen dos, spa days, catch ups with old friends etc. Dh works shifts so I do a great deal of solo evenings and weekends and he's happy to repay that. He's never questioned it and has frequently paid for me to go.

theycallmemellojello Fri 19-Feb-16 16:15:42

Go for the weekend imo. Definitely not U to do this once in a while.

Alwaysthebadguy Fri 19-Feb-16 16:16:51

YANBU. - I'm doing similar next month. Go for the whole trip!

Your a grown adult and if you want to go - go.

Dp is going away on buisness for a week then a stag do a couple of weeks later. I'm booking in to a spa hotel for the weekend. I honestly don't care if I go on my own. In fact I think I would enjoy that more!

Your life didn't end just because he decided to be a hermit!

WanderingTrolley1 Fri 19-Feb-16 16:16:54

Go, go, go!

They will survive without you!!

AutumnLeavesArePretty Fri 19-Feb-16 16:17:27

As long as he is happy to have the children alone and gets the same amount of child free time then go.

I think it's fine as long as the children are with either parent but know some men and women don't let their partners go or complain they are being left with their own children.

EllieJayJay Fri 19-Feb-16 16:18:37

Go!! Enjoy love every minute

Honestly men can cope as well as any woman with looking after kids - neither parent gets a manual automatically installed

Crinkle77 Fri 19-Feb-16 16:18:49

He is the selfish and unreasonable one. It is a special occasion and a one off. he doesn't want you to go because he knows it will be hard work and won't be able to cope. You must go and leave him to get on with it.

BertrandRussell Fri 19-Feb-16 16:19:24

"'well, obvs I can't stop you but....and then lists all reasons I shouldn't go.)

What are the reasons he lists?

IHaveBrilloHair Fri 19-Feb-16 16:19:30

Go.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Fri 19-Feb-16 16:20:01

he does not want to have to deal with the children...lazy arse.

How dare he make you feel guilty and unreasonable....no reason on earth you shouldn't go and have a lovely time.

AlwaysDancing1234 Fri 19-Feb-16 16:21:22

I think after 8 years you deserve a break!
Presumably he has plenty of time to organise extra help in the form of friends or family if he feels he might need support.
A day or two away relaxing and a good nights sleep sounds like heaven to me!
He may not socialise but does he have a hobby or anything he might want to do for a few afternoons so you can repay the favour?

RudeElf Fri 19-Feb-16 16:21:41

Go go go!! Definitely. Dont be a martyr to this. Seriously. He will be fine. The kids will be fine. Let him whinge, smile and ignore.

Lightbulbon Fri 19-Feb-16 16:22:08

Omg you haven't had a night off for 8 years?!!

Go for 2.

Hell, going for a week wouldn't be unreasonable.

Just because dh is anti social doesn't mean he has any right to impose such draconian rules on you.

Is he your partner or your prison guard?

Crinkle77 Fri 19-Feb-16 16:23:14

Anyway you don't have to 'repay the favour'. How is it a favour to look after his own children and if he chooses not to socialise that's up to him.

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 19-Feb-16 16:23:38

Go. For the whole weekend.

junebirthdaygirl Fri 19-Feb-16 16:23:43

Have done this at least twice a year since children were babies. Go! And don't fall into the trap of cooking dinner for them before you go. Just whizz off and they will be fine.Dont discuss it any more. Just act like it is the most normal thing in the world. Which it is.

magpie17 Fri 19-Feb-16 16:24:59

God just go! I can't believe you haven't had a night off in 8 years!

I wouldn't really get the opportunity to do this sort of thing (Billy no mates) but my DH would be supportive if I wanted to. He goes away overnight a fair bit - four separate nights since Christmas including tonight - for hobby related things and I am fine with it. We only have one child though but as long as it wasn't every week or something then I wouldn't care. Your DH is being a massive killjoy.

HermioneJeanGranger Fri 19-Feb-16 16:26:35

Go! For the whole weekend. Leave on Friday night and get back late Sunday afternoon. Lots of SAHP's/LP's cope with three children for days/weeks at a time on a regular basis. If he can't cope with three children for less than 48 hours, there's something very wrong.

Go, have fun, and don't let him guilt you into coming hom early!

belwiz Fri 19-Feb-16 16:26:55

Thanks v much for encouragement. I'm perfectly confident he can cope fine in my absence- he often does while I'm at work and I agree it's a bit stifling never to do things just as an individual. I'm sort of put off, though, by the prospect of coming home to a poisonous atmosphere. Bertrand, the primary reason is lack of quid pro quo. But that's simply because he doesn't want to go out - maybe 6 nights out a year- and certainly not overnight. Also, he says that as it's not essential there's no point in making life difficult for everyone. I think he's terrified toddler won't sleep. Gah! I don't want to be a doormat wifey who sacrifices friendships for domesticity but I really don't have the stomach for the tension that'd ensue either. It is tempting to just not go and keep the peace. Btw, also declined invitations to overseas gatherings for 4/5 nights and felt that was fair enough. But the thought of years of never doing anything alone..,..shock

cansu Fri 19-Feb-16 16:29:07

I would tell him that you don't need to go, but you do want to go as you will enjoy it. I have a similar issue with my partner and although it often causes sulking and childish behaviour, I tend to just go and tell him that he is being ridiculous. You may also want to consider going out more regularly from now on so that he doesn't get used to the idea that he can veto what you are and are not going to do, you are a grown up and can make your own decisions.

cansu Fri 19-Feb-16 16:32:41

In fact I am going out tonight and am staying overnight. My partner has moaned and made faces, but also knows that I will go anyway. Your partner is acting like an arse and it is of course up to you whether you think he should get away with this shitty behaviour. I am very very familiar with the poisonous atmosphere and also with the partner who doesn't go out himself. Still, he doesn't get the right to decide you want to live like this.

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