AIBU to ask you to tell me to stop being a silly cow!

[Joolsy]

OK I am usually quite confident - at work, with friends etc. However every morning & afternoon I stand in the playground for drop off/pick up and nobody speaks to me. I've been doing this for a while (I have 2 DDs) so you think I would know by now not to worry but it doesn't do much for my confidence when I see groups of mums laughing & chatting. I don't feel confident enough to start a conversation with any of the mums stood on their own - they don't really make eye contact & I'd worry they'd think I was a bit weird if I just started talking to them! It doesn't help that DD2's year classes were mixed up last Sept so half of the parents I don't even know. Drop off isn't too bad as I just chat to my DD. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like this!

[CaptainCrunch]

If you want school gate friends, you have to make an effort. Go over and join a group. If your DC have any children they play more frequently with, approach their parent and suggest a trip to the park after school or something.

Some people never interact at the school gates, it's their choice. Latterly I avoided the place like the plague as I really had all the friends I needed and couldn't be bothered making small talk anymore.

[Joolsy]

My DD only has a few friends that she's had for years. Sadly the parents aren't in the playground much. I can't imagine going up to a group and joining in on the conversation! I agree I do need to make an effort though

[BoyGirlBoy3]

I found that people were to full of their own insecurities to notice if I popped up in the conversation, with something 'fascinating'. If you want to join in just do. The trouble is then they invite you to girlie nights out!

[theycallmemellojello]

I don't think you can go up to a group if you've never spoken to any of them. I think you have to start by talking to individuals. It's not weird to go up to someone and have a chat. They won't find it weird. Having kids in the class gives automatic conversation topics. If you don't like them, try someone else next time! Then if you see a person you've spoken to before in a group, you can go and say hi and be introduced to the others in the group.

[CooPie10]

But why do you need these people to speak to? You don't really know them, they aren't the parents of friends of your dds. I would think it's rude to walk up to a group of people and just poke in. Presumably they form the same group with the same people everyday so know each other quite well. You have friends outside of this, so why the need to?

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

Small steps. Smile. Say hello even when not stopping to talk. I think it is easier and less odd to try and strike up a conversation with another parent on her or his own than join a group.

Initially, as well, don't expect instant friendships-my experience has been that I was on nodding and hello and brief chat/joke terms with people for about half a term before we ended up being friendly.

[Joolsy]

Yes, that's how it went with my DD1's old class, MyFavourite - I've just found this new batch of parents really quite unfriendly! Some of the mums I've noticed, who I have said hello to in the past or had a conversation with, will happily look straight through me on other occasions if I smile at them!

[gandalf456]

Yes. I agree about going ip to a group. I don't know anyone who a would have the guts and b be successful

[RaskolnikovsGarret]

I made lots of effort at the school gate (without being OTT and odd). Was still never admitted into the mum friendship groups as my and DH's faces didn't fit. Gave up in the end (only after 9 years ).

People away from the school gate appreciate me for the scintillating company that I am . Don't put too much effort in OP, if they are worth it, they will try too. I laugh now, but I did get very down at times.

[BillBrysonsBeard]

Either join a group or start chatting to the other people on their own, the lone people will give you vibes if they don't want to chat or maybe they'll be really pleased someone came up to them. If you want to chat then make the effort, people seem to expect these groups of mums to approach them but they're busy in the conversation. But I don't get this whole school gates stuff anyway, just drop them off.