To be shitting myself about DC2 arrival and coping!

[Onthedowns]

I know it's been done to death! But I am suffering real anxiety about how you manage with newborn and Dd4 . Dd is quite self sufficient and starting school September but I have forgotten what the exhaustion is like and I feel guilty already as I have loved spending so much time with dd. It's just been us for 4 years! This baby unexpected after not happening for 2 years! I am also dreading the influx of visitors and already have comments from MIL about how I should patent dd when baby arrives , constantly asking what names we have chosen . I know she will be here every day ! My DH is supportive to a point with her but feels guilty of anything against her. I can't seem to hammer home how important my wishes are! This is also stressing me out! Just practical things like trying to get ready in morning etc! How do you manage!

[BillSykesDog]

Interested to see the responses you get. I am expecting twins 2nd and 3rd child. My DS is four and I am anxious about the same things. Especially worrying about making DC1 still feel special while not making 2&3 feel like 2nd (or 3rd) best.

[Hrafnkel]

I was dreading it but it honestly wasn't as bad as I'd feared. The age gap was only 2 years though.

With friends who have a school-age dc and a newborn, there is quite a lot of help with school runs/pick ups - do you have any friends who could help?

[jadorecakesnbiscuits]

The first few weeks are a white knuckle ride but once you get into it you feel unstoppable and watching them form a bond is amazing.

Mine are 2 and 7months

[ManneryTowers]

Also watching with interest while awaiting arrival of DC2. 3 year gap here

[LilacAndLovely]

You just do...I know that sounds simplistic but you just have to.

One thing that really, really helped us was having a good stock of meals made and frozen for ds1 (2.3 age gap between ds1 and 2). There were quite a few days where I just didn't have the time to cook. Ds1 would have something out of the freezer and dh and I would make do with a takeaway sandwich. Lifesaver.

[sunnydayinmay]

I had a 3 year age gap, and had a rough time with ds1, who was a colicky high needs baby, but when ds2 arrived, it was fine.

My top two suggestions would be: 1. nap whenever you can. So ds1 was at nursery, I would feed ds2, then nap. I managed to sleep 8 hours in every 24 which was brilliant compared to ds1.

1. Ground rules about mil in place now. I knew mine would arrive to "help" for a fortnight, so I said she needed a hotel, and I didn't want any visitors between 4pm and 10am. I was surprised by my own firmness.
   

Do it now, whilst your hormones are raging.

[FinallyFreeFromItAll]

Firstly I really wanted to recommend this book to prepare your DD:
www.amazon.co.uk/Im-New-Big-Sister-Princess/dp/1409313735?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
Its Princess Polly - I'm a New Big Sister. I had the pirate peter brother version for 3yr DS. It was really nice and focused on the older child becoming a big brother/sister and how special that was, whilst gently getting in some of the realities of having a new baby in the house. I really think it helped DS have no jealousy issues.

Secondly it will fall into place easier than you think. I was so stressed pre second baby and couldn't see how I'd manage but tbh it was easier than when I had my first and DS adores his little sister.

[imwithspud]

YANBU, I was the same. But you know what? It wasn't nearly as bad as I envisaged (2.5 year age gap here). They are now 3.4 and nearly 9months. Took a while for dd1 to start taking an interest in her little sister but now she absolutely adores her, constantly wanting to hug, kiss and hold her, she loves being silly to make her laugh too - although she isn't such a fan when dd2 grabs her hair and doesn't let go! I can't wait till dd2 is older and able to play with her properly.

All I will say is make sure you dh/p pulls his weight, my dp has been and still is fab with helping me with laundry and cleaning when he's not at work, I dread to think what sort of state I'd be in without his help. And definitely have a good stock of frozen home made meals in the freezer, even if it's just for your older child. At least on the days where time inevitably gets away from you, your eldest doesn't miss out on a healthy nutritious meal.

You'll cope because you have to. Honestly it will be absolutely fine.

[jeremyisahunt]

Kill 2 birds with one stone, let MIL watch baby whilst you have a snooze!

[Xmasbaby11]

I had 2 year age gap and it was twice as hard as the first time round, to be honest, but then dd1 was very energetic and needed to go out twice a day which is tough with both on tow! My lifesaver was nursery 3 days a week. It was still hard though, especially the first year. Now they are 2 and 4 and best friends!

[Onthedowns]

Thanks main concern is I want time for us as family especially with dd, mil being there daily won't allow this! ( previous thread regarding visitors) I feel very much more that I still want tons of people here constantly in first two weeks but no back up from DH!! I couldn't breastfeed first time and want to make effort this time also! Have started batch cooking!!! Some for us and dd! She is at nursery two days until end July!

[LegoLady95]

I had 2 a year apart, that was fine because they were both napping and I had no school run! Had Dc3 when they were 4 and 5. Two different school runs as oldest in a special school. My top tip is a sling/wrap. I used to put it on myself before going out in he car, then just pop her in and out at each school. I also used to cook tea for the older 2 after school with baby in the sling, load dishwasher etc. Bouncy chair in the bathroom for older ones bathtime. DH was working v.long hours and shift work too, so I simply had to be able to manage mornings, meal times, bathtimes, bedtimes and school runs alone.
After not long I felt there was nothing I couldn't handle. Still do!

[HeartShapedBox]

You'll manage, simply because you'll have to.

Going from 1 to 2 is the hardest, but give it a week or two (or six ) and it'll be like they've always been there.

[Katenka]

I remember when dd went back to school the September I was of with ds.

I was getting ready for work, getting her ready and stood doing her packed lunch (dh started work at 6.30 so he could finish early and pick her up from school) and complete terror gripped me about how I was going to do this when ds arrived.

Long story short, I just did it. I remember packing him into his car seat early rocking it with one foot while doing dds hair.

It wasn't easy but we found a routine fairly quickly. Dd was a bit older (6) so she helped out with him in the evenings so we were all together. She would help change his nappy and bath him. She would sit next to his Moses basket and read to him.

One of us would do her homework with her alone and one would put her to bed.

By the time I went back to work dh was working evenings, that was a bit difficult. Trying to do dds homework and get ds sorted. But we just got through it, taking each day at a time.

I also learnt to say no to visitors. I love evenings in with my kids alone. And enjoyed the daytime when dd was at school and I could chill with ds.

He is now full time at school and I miss those days so it can't have been that bad.

[HappySeven]

I had a four year gap and can honestly say it was a lot easier than the first time around. You'll be more confident and less worried about 'doing it wrong' and people are less likely to offer useless advice.

Also, try not to be too harsh on what you manage to do every day. As long as they're both alive at the end of the day then everything is ok - anything you achieve more than that is a bonus.

[percythepenguin]

I have a 4 year old and a four month old and it is true you cope because you have to. DS has 2.5 hours a day at nursery school but your two full days will hopefully be better for napping! I make sure I get showered and dressed before DH leaves for work as it would be pretty much impossible otherwise. Soft play is great with a newborn as I can feed DS2/eat cake in peace while DS1 plays and he feels like he's getting a treat by being taken out too. Set aside specific days for family time and tell MIL this, just tell her you fell your DC needs it or tell her you'll taking them out (even if you won't be!), could you ask her to pick DC1 up from nursery for you, she'd be saving you a trip and if she's only arriving at whatever time DC finishes at it should limit how long she stays (works well with my MIL!)

[Onthedowns]

Thanks! Mil doesn't drive and last time with dd turned up and expected to be waited on! I am getting grumpy in my old age! I just don't want the onslaught I had with dd!