Aibu not to want my partner to grope my breasts?

(52 Posts)
Onlyconnect Sun 14-Feb-16 21:28:22

It's what he calls a 'comedy grope' which he does quite often when we are having a cuddle or just when he's passing me. I don't like it and have told him so many times over the 16 years we've been together. He has basically ignored me. Yesterday it came to a head when he did it again and I once more said I didn't like it. To illustrate what I meant I stroked his forehead and hair which is something he told me he didn't like years ago when we started seeing each other. I have never done it since till yesterday. He says it's entirely different as the groping he does is part of intimacy. Just to be clear it's not foreplay, it's fully clothed, could be in the kitchen or in the car or anywhere but not when other people are around. AIBU to put my foot down and tell him not to do it or should I just grit my teeth and put up with it?

annandale Sun 14-Feb-16 21:31:06

YANBU.

Being intimate with someone means knowing what they like and don't like, and paying attention to it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 14-Feb-16 21:31:41

Of course you don't grit your bloody teeth and put up with someone touching "your body" in a way you do not like. You don't have to grit your teeth about anything in this life.

Wolfiefan Sun 14-Feb-16 21:32:36

What about the times of the month when your boobs hurt?
I'm afraid I'd make it quite clear I didn't like it or find it intimate. If he did it again I would grab his gonads in a vice like grip.
grin

Wolfiefan Sun 14-Feb-16 21:33:28

And then I'd ask how "intimate" he found that!
My body is my body. No fucker touches it without my say so or in a way I hate.

memyselfandaye Sun 14-Feb-16 21:35:27

Slap his cock every time he does it, do it hard enough the first couple of times and I'm sure he'll get the message pretty quickly.

Im not joking btw

Narp Sun 14-Feb-16 21:35:37

You shouldn't have to ask us, should you? You should not put up with it.

My next statement would be to tell him that 'intimacy' depends on both people enjoying it. I would tell him that since you don't like it and he knows it, the last thing you feel about him is 'intimate'.

If this did not work I'd tell him to fuck off and not have sex until he got it into his thick skull.

AdrenalineFudge Sun 14-Feb-16 21:36:43

I'm agog that you would even consider gritting your teeth and putting up with it. And you've put up with this for years! He honestly has no right to touch your body in any way without your consent. It shows a complete and utter lack of respect for you as his partner and for your personal body autonomy.

I'm not usually one of the LTB brigade but I honestly would chuck him over this.

AnyFucker Sun 14-Feb-16 21:40:47

Knee him in the cock every time he does it.

Griphook Sun 14-Feb-16 21:41:01

It's so disrespectful. It would piss me off so much to be touched when I had asked him not too. I'm quite cross on your behalf.

AnyFucker Sun 14-Feb-16 21:41:14

"Just showing my appreciation, dear..."

timelytess Sun 14-Feb-16 21:42:43

Certainly don't put up with it. Tell him every time he gropes you, that will be one less time that you actually have sex. And mean it. Don't have sex with him unless you have a grope-free day/week/month, whatever suits you.

gatewalker Sun 14-Feb-16 21:44:37

Please do not grit your teeth and put up with it.

Your body, your rules, no exceptions. Not one.

Gabilan Sun 14-Feb-16 21:45:44

Whilst recognising that violence is never the answer, I'd thump him. And shout. For a small person, I'm quite noisy.

Vintage45 Sun 14-Feb-16 21:46:37

I'd also squeeze his dick every time he did that.

Totally disrespectful behaviour.

Emochild Sun 14-Feb-16 21:47:03

My ex used to do this -until I was washing up one day, he walked up behind me and reached round, went 'honk honk' whilst squeezing my breasts

I spun round and slapped him

I don't advocate hitting but I was sick of being treated like a piece of meat

He called me frigid and threatened to call the police because I assaulted him

Lovely man

I realised he had zero redeeming features and we split up pretty quickly afterwards

HeddaGarbled Sun 14-Feb-16 21:47:03

It's more than disrespectful. He knows you don't like it but still does it, often. That's deliberately nasty and not the behaviour of someone who cares for you or your happiness.

Any other nasty behaviour?

Narp Sun 14-Feb-16 21:48:29

Mild violence?

A finger poked in the ear?

A pinched cheek?

Narp Sun 14-Feb-16 21:49:40

hedda

Good question

I'd wonder about someone who was so determined to ignore my wishes and justify their behaviour in this manipulative way ('It's because I love/fancy you...')

LagunaBubbles Sun 14-Feb-16 21:53:51

What do you mean by "putting your foot down"? You have told him for 16 years you don't like him doing this and nothing had changed, so what makes you so sure he will stop now?

Vintage45 Sun 14-Feb-16 21:55:38

Actually you are right Hedda its far more than disrespectful, he's a nasty bastard of the highest order.

I remember a boyfriend a few years back being "playful" he pulled my hair, I said don't do that it hurt, he did it again, I repeated not to do it, he did it again. I smacked his face very hard and threw him out of my house and never ever spoke to him again.

Lynnm63 Sun 14-Feb-16 21:56:20

Id grab his balls and make a comedy honking noise. When he recoils in pain and horror say 'im only playing', then lean in and whisper in his ear 'not so fucking funny on the receiving end is it?' Do that a few times and he should get the message.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 14-Feb-16 21:56:52

Touching someone when you know you don't have their consent is assault. In this case it's sexual assault.

I would leave anyone who touched me without my consent.

Shodan Sun 14-Feb-16 21:57:09

My DH used to slap and /or squeeze my bottom every time he walked past. I hated it and repeated gentle requests not to do it met with no response.

In the end I told him to fucking stop it (I rarely swear) and he got all hurt and pettishly said he'd never touch my bottom again. Good, I said. Glad you got the message.

It's not affectionate, it's a way of 'laying claim' to your body as 'his', to do with what he chooses. Same as with your DP.

Well, it's not his. It's yours. I agree with all those who've suggested a smack to his genitals. After all, you're just being affectionate, aren't you??

goodnightdarthvader1 Sun 14-Feb-16 21:59:44

I second the smack to the crotch. It's completely disrespectful.

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