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AIBU?

To be upset by this valentines card message

118 replies

WineIsMyMainVice · 14/02/2016 10:55

Bit of background. Me and DH not been getting on too well recently. Hopefully it's just a bad patch, but the pressure of two DC under 3, some money problems and general life stuff etc means that we've been arguing lot more. We've been talking though.
We don't usually do much for valentines, but always exchange cards and maybe have a nice meal etc.
DH gave me a lovely card this morning, and this is what he'd written in it:
"Dear Wine,
You are beautiful, funny, caring and smart and I do actually love you a whole lot."
Is it me? Lovely message, but the use of the word actually. AAIBU? I really want to know if I've been over sensitive.
Thanks.

OP posts:
MattDillonsPants · 14/02/2016 10:56

I think YABU. He's written it as he'd speak it...he was trying to convince you.

I know what you're thinking...that it was defensive...but I think you're reading too much into it.

hilbil21 · 14/02/2016 10:56

You are being over sensitive. I think he's just acknowledging things have been hard and he's probably not shown he loves you but he "actually" does X.

Madnson · 14/02/2016 10:57

Agree with above, YABU

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 14/02/2016 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

froggyjump · 14/02/2016 10:57

surely it means 'despite the rough time we have been having lately, I do really love you' doesn't it? That's how I would read it

2plus1plusL1 · 14/02/2016 10:57

I think it's just an acknowledgement that it's been less than ideal recently but despite everything he does love you - I don't think you should read anything more than that into it.

BolshierAryaStark · 14/02/2016 10:57

Really!? Definitely over sensitive.

MyKingdomForBrie · 14/02/2016 10:58

YABU, he's saying 'you may not always feel it because it's been hard lately, but I love you lots'

Thoughtful I think.

2plus1plusL1 · 14/02/2016 10:58

I'm clearly a bit of a slower typer-there were no messages when I started!

thistlescot · 14/02/2016 10:58

The first thing I thought was that it was in there to make it rhyme better, so my initial thought would be that it's a lovely message and take it as that rather than read something negative into it.

pudcat · 14/02/2016 10:59

In spite of all your arguments he is saying he still loves you, and has said some wonderful things to you in that message.

GruntledOne · 14/02/2016 10:59

Absolutely what IAmPissed said. I think it's a lovely message.

thistlescot · 14/02/2016 10:59

2plus1plus L1 me too!

hooliodancer · 14/02/2016 10:59

It's a lovely message, very real. He means he actually loves you, not just fake valentines day love. I found it rather moving.

Doublebubblebubble · 14/02/2016 11:00

Yup sorry op. Yabu. actually is one of those words, like quite (I actually like you, you're quite pretty etc) that get peoples backs up - even when the person saying it means well..

ilovesooty · 14/02/2016 11:00

I think it's a thoughtful and honest message.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 14/02/2016 11:03

This is one of those ones where it's actually good to get a unanimous YABU. But yes, YABU from me too. Why do you think they called it Love Actually Wink

BrianCoxReborn · 14/02/2016 11:04

I think, on this occasion, the OP of an AIBU will be relieved by the resounding opinion they are, in fact, BU.

It's a nice message. It wasn't meant any other way than "I do love you, actually, even though things are a bit shit right now"

BlueJug · 14/02/2016 11:04

You are very lucky. It is lovely. Don't spoil i by thinking too much about it - just love him back.

BrianCoxReborn · 14/02/2016 11:04

Xpost with jesus

BlueMoonRising · 14/02/2016 11:05

I'd be more concerned that he is declaring his love to alcohol, personally.. (sorry..)

YABU. He is trying clumsily to say that despite everything you guys have been going through, he loves you.

NoahVale · 14/02/2016 11:06

I thought he was genuinely addressing it to a wine bottle, first.

then, I clocked your name.
but the message itself is really lovely.

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Katenka · 14/02/2016 11:08

Yabu. Do you usually look for something negative in things?

FishWithABicycle · 14/02/2016 11:10

Yes you're being oversensitive. He sounds like he's an OK bloke despite the current rough patch. The pressure of two DC under 3, some money problems and general life stuff such as you describe would make even the most star-struck of lovers squabble. Hang on in there you will be OK.

velourvoyageur · 14/02/2016 11:11

if he's regional e.g. Yorkshire accent then 'actually' probably doesn't mean actually, it's more an emphasis thing?

In any case OP I don't think you should worry at all, he clearly had the best intentions and it's probably best to just acknowledge that this is an irrational insecurity on your part - don't put it on him. (sorry to sound harsh but it'll make you feel better!)
Keep talking and communicating & enjoy today, he's made an effort, it's all good :)

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