Apparently we are unfair

(35 Posts)
NeedACleverNN Fri 12-Feb-16 11:45:12

There is a lot of back story and loads of instances but this is the most pressing issue at the moment.

My dh had as a teenager a yellow Labrador. She was his best friend and they did everything together. He loved that dog and paid for everything including any vet treatment and food. He had to have her pts after 9 years due to bad health and he is still upset by the amount of pain that dog was in before he realised. He tears up everytime he mentions her.

His mother, my MIL, has just gone out and bought herself...a yellow lab and called it the same name he did!

To rub salt in the wound she keeps trying to bring the pup down here to show her off despite us saying not too.

Apparently this is unfair. She can't see how much dh is hurting from this.

She has no compassion really. This is not the only dog she has! She has a German shepherd who is kept in the kitchen and two Yorkies...one who is pregnant and is only 9 months old. They are all kept in a 1 bed bungalow..

She constantly complains she's broke and then goes out and buys another dog. In fact the German shepherd bled from his penis for a month. She couldn't afford a vet but she could afford a puppy angry

So are we being unfair? I don't think so.

Chattymummyhere Fri 12-Feb-16 11:47:56

If you don't allow the other dogs to yours then no you are not being unreasonable. You would be however if you let the others down but just not this one.

I feel sorry for her dogs. Please at least tell me it's another small dog that got the yorkie pregnant and not a bigger dog, poor mite.

thecitydoc Fri 12-Feb-16 12:05:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ridemesideways Fri 12-Feb-16 12:11:37

If you think she is maltreating her pets then report her. Her behaviour is awful and shows no insight, even if well-intentioned.

NeedACleverNN Fri 12-Feb-16 12:15:40

No none of her dogs are allowed down here.

And cheers city nice to see your compassion hmm

I don't think she's mistreating as such but not doing them any good. They are not walked as she can't handle them. The yorkie is pregnant and I know as soon as she's ready again she will be pregnant again. By another yorkie not the shepherd btw. The same will go for the Labrador. She will become a back yard breeder and I hope the rspca will listen this time. They didn't when we reported the shepherd shut in the kitchen all the time

DiseasesOfTheSheep Fri 12-Feb-16 12:20:31

It's not that you're being unfair, but that she is utterly ignorant of appropriate welfare and a disgrace to dog ownership...

chanelfreak Fri 12-Feb-16 12:23:06

YANBU, she sounds like a nasty, uncaring bitch and your DH has every right to still grieve for his dog and to be annoyed at your MIL for being such a tit. I would definitely report her to the RSPCA, the poor dogs angry

ridemesideways Fri 12-Feb-16 12:32:03

Make a nuisance of yourself with the rspca and local animal welfare / dog warden. Calls, emails, letters.

CorBlimeyTrousers Fri 12-Feb-16 12:36:55

Personally I don't think she is unreasonable to buy a dog the same breed and call it the same name. My grandparents had generations of green budgies all called Peter. If your husband was a teenager then presumably it was her dog too. In the gentlest way, it does sound like your DH might need to learn to be a bit less sensitive about the memory of his dog.

But the way she's treating her current pets sounds way out of order. Can you get some advice from the RSPCA?

CottonFrock Fri 12-Feb-16 12:38:00

Your husband being upset about a teenage pet is a red herring. Your MIL needs to be reported for ill-treatment of animals. Whatever they are called.

Witchend Fri 12-Feb-16 12:40:50

She may think she's trying to help him, if he's told her this.
But I also know a lot of people who do reuse their dog's names if they get the same sort, so I doubt she's trying to upset him.

WorraLiberty Fri 12-Feb-16 12:42:04

This is not the only dog she has! She has a German shepherd who is kept in the kitchen and two Yorkies...one who is pregnant and is only 9 months old. They are all kept in a 1 bed bungalow..

I think this ^^ is the problem. If you think she might not be treating them properly or can't cope, then please phone the RSPCA.

WRT your DH, I have every sympathy for how he felt about his dog as a teenager but I'm sure he'll come to terms with a dog having the same name.

CottonFrock Fri 12-Feb-16 12:42:07

But I also know a lot of people who do reuse their dog's names if they get the same sort

Yes, my husband's parents had a succession of cocker spaniels called Kim.

AlpacaMyThings Fri 12-Feb-16 12:44:05

What is your AIBU?

The same dog with the same name or MIL is maltreating her dogs?

I agree, your DH is being rather silly and needs to grow up. You need to contact the RSPCA and ensure the dogs are fit and well. I'm not sure what else you are want us to say?

RandomMess Fri 12-Feb-16 12:44:27

When children don't have emotionally supportive/healthy parents/anyone else in their lives they often have very deep emotional attachment to their pets and yes they do find that pet's death harder than most people would expect.

LilacSpunkMonkey Fri 12-Feb-16 12:47:28

I still get upset thinking about some of the pets we've had. Doesn't mean I need to grow up, it means I loved them very much and they were part of my family.

Definitely report to the RSPCA immediately, OP.

SevenOfNineTrue Fri 12-Feb-16 12:50:08

your husband's dog died when he was a teenager and he still gets upset about - dearie me how pathetic. he needs to grow up

You need to learn compassion and that not everyone is the same.

Chattymummyhere Fri 12-Feb-16 13:01:33

The RSPCA prob won't help unless they can see themselves getting money out of it..

Their tick list goes a bit like this;
Food
Water
Shelter
Healthy looking

However if she's going to be breeding and selling the tax man will be very interested in her byb ways and income, if sadly any of her dogs become sick like the penis incident report imidiatly to the RSPCA as then they can act as it's an animal not being treated that clearly has a medical issue.

Also is she a home owner/council tenant? If she doesn't own her home she can be forced to move or rehome some animals if the landlord/housing people decide it's too many.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 12-Feb-16 13:03:00

Yes about reusing names - my MIL not only called all the male dachshunds she had "Benny" (and the one female was called Betsy, but was always referred to as "he") - she did the same with her children too. When she lost her first son (stillbirth), she named him, of course; and then named her second (live) son the exact same name, first and middle names. Which I find odd and quite unsettling.

So I don't think that part is necessarily malicious.

I think it's very hard sometimes to get over the loss of a pet, especially if you've been very close to one; so I can sort of sympathise with your DH over that.

But the stand-out point in your OP is your MIL's inability to care for the animals correctly - what on earth is she thinking?! Report away.

Birdsgottafly Fri 12-Feb-16 13:04:59

Does she own the bungalow?

I'd be worried that she's at risk of attack, also, because of the lack of walking and ignoring health issues.

I'm having to consider rehoming my much loved German Shepherd, because of ill health. I look at her and know I'm not treating her properly.

People like your MIL make me sick.

It seems that she has no thought for your DH or her 'pets', is she the 'my wants trump everything', type of person?

FirstWeTakeManhattan Fri 12-Feb-16 13:07:08

I don't actually think your MiL is being awful for buying the puppy and giving it the name she wants. Many people do reuse dog names.

Does she bring the other dogs to your house, or just this one? Is she 'rubbing salt in the wound' or just 'bringing the puppy to your house'?

IF she's not taking care of her animals, then report her. But I think the main thrust of your OP is to about your DH's reaction to the puppy. Losing a pet is sad, but for your DH to still be in tears every time the dog is mentioned, after many, many years is a bit unusual.

NewLife4Me Fri 12-Feb-16 13:09:27

I'm sorry but I think your dh needs to not be so sensitive about a dog and grow up, unless he's 12.
If you think your mil is ill treating any animal you should report her to the relevant agencies.
We too had generations of budgies called Peter, it must have been the done thing unless you are one of nieces or nephews Corblimey grin

IceRoadDucker Fri 12-Feb-16 13:12:49

I'm as soppy over animals as you can get and even I think your husband is being silly about this completely different dog having the same name.

About the welfare stuff, you are not being unreasonable but you'll find it hard to get anything done about it. Please report it anyway, to whichever authorities and organisations you can in your area.

OnlyLovers Fri 12-Feb-16 13:20:35

I do think he's being a little over-sensitive about a dog from so long ago, although I do understand that it must be painful.

I'm more concerned, like some other posters, about her other dogs, particularly 'She has a German shepherd who is kept in the kitchen' and the info that she doesn't walk them.

That's not healthy. Chatty, do you know if the RSPCA's checklist includes 'exercise' or 'fresh air' or anything?

NeedACleverNN Fri 12-Feb-16 13:20:51

It seems that she has no thought for your DH or her 'pets', is she the 'my wants trump everything', type of person?

This 100%. She fell out with her ex husband because he refused to buy her a Westie puppy (that she got rid of 6 years down the line as she doesn't want it anymore).

She is very much a "I want it now and you can't stop me" type of woman whether she has the money or not.

She frequently tries to get money out of my dh, even going as far as using the phrase of "after everything I bought you when you was a kiddy"

She's a council tennant and despite our council having a 2 dogs and 3 cats rule, she is apparently ok having 4 dogs (two for breeding) and 3 cats because a she's a permanent tennant.

She cannot afford vet care. This is my main concern. If any of her animals need emergency care, she can't do it. If any of her dogs needed a Caesarian, the dog would probably die as she won't be able to afford treatment. Like I said about the shepherd. Most people would take their animal to a vet if he bled for a month from his penis. Not her. She bleats how she can't afford a vet and then comes home with a new puppy instead.

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