AIBU to ask when you felt ready

(6 Posts)
MissMPenny Thu 11-Feb-16 18:45:40

I had my son over a year ago, and am starting to wonder if I there is something wrong with me. My husband and I have not been intimate since before my son was born and I am 'never in the mood'. I lost a lot of blood during labour and it took me a long while to feel "normal". I am always very tired and still breastfeeding a lot. Am I AIBU to ask when you felt ready? My husband is very understanding but I feel that I am being unfair. Once I have put my son to bed, all I feel is that I want is a bit of space... Is this normal?
Thank you.

TheSparrowhawk Thu 11-Feb-16 18:49:37

There's nothing 'unfair' about not wanting sex. You don't owe your husband sex. However if you do want to get back into it, perhaps plan an evening together or a night away if possible, where you can relax and just cuddle and kiss and see if it goes somewhere? You might not be keen till you stop breastfeeding, the hormones really dampen your sex drive.

toffeeboffin Thu 11-Feb-16 18:54:04

It's so hard with a child, but the time they are asleep I am always just knackered and want to pass out on the sofa! I find sex is now an effort. Or I fancy it at random times during the day?!

Not sure if the BF has something to do with it, that or just general tiredness.

I second what SparrowHawk said though, a weekend away can work wonders. Not sure if that's possible?

Greengardenpixie Thu 11-Feb-16 19:02:02

Yes, totally normal.It is hard when you are tired and a baby makes demands on you. With me, when my children were young sex felt like just another demand - someone wanting another part of me. The thing about sex that is worth noting [ and has taken me years to work out] is that there is truth in the fact that the more you do it, the more you want too. So i would try and make the time in some way. Even if it is just to be close and not taking it the whole way - no pressure. You may surprise yourself. A wonderful massage could be a start. Your dh sounds very understanding but if you go for it and both make the time, it will bring you back together. Goodluck.

Furiosa Thu 11-Feb-16 19:04:51

Be careful though! I finally got my drive back in ernest after two and a half years then got pregnant again blush

It takes time but once you start you'll wonder why it took so long wink

toastedbeagle Thu 11-Feb-16 19:13:11

My son is 15m old and I know what you mean about never feeling up for it. Still breastfeeding here too and I wonder if that compounds try problem. We have had sex but prob only every couple of months. It doesn't feel that comfortable where my stitches were, and by the time I get into bed I am shattered and just want to sleep. A weekend away would be great but son won't take a bottle so never have!

The times we have ended up getting intimate have been when I instigate stuff earlier in the evening, eg 8pm watching TV rather than 10pm getting in to bed. I think i still have a vestige of energy then!

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