I feel in such a rut

(8 Posts)
NeedACleverNN Mon 08-Feb-16 14:53:47

And I don't know what to do with my life.

I am a sahm with an almost one year old and an almost 3 year old.

Everyday is just so sameish.

I can't afford to go work as I would be literally working just for child care fees and I have a bad back that is worsened by too much movement.

I try to get out as much as possible to things like baby groups and try to socialise but I end up sitting on my own as I have no one to talk to. I also don't have the confidence to just strike up a conversation with anyone.

I have no real friends and I barely see my family as they are always busy. It's literally me, dh and the two kids.

I find myself crying for no reasons, I've lost my appetite and only eat when I'm forced go and I struggle to sleep at night unless I've taken my painkillers which have an added bonus of causing drowsiness.

I really do feel stuck in a rut and totally lost sad

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Mon 08-Feb-16 14:56:01

It's relentless with small kids isn't it?

Have you seen a doctor?

What do you enjoy doing before kids?

Roseberrry Mon 08-Feb-16 14:57:52

You poor thing, that stage is one of the hardest. Harder than the new born stage I would say.

Have you thought of taking up a hobby on an evening, something you could go to a class or something for?
Not much advice, sorry. I'm in a similar situation but just holding out for a year now until going back to work will be easier. Some days are sooooo boring, they seem to last a week confused

NeedACleverNN Mon 08-Feb-16 15:02:16

What do you enjoy doing before kids?

I watched DVDs and read my books. I had a pt job that I didn't enjoy but it was a change in routine. Now I no motivation to read and apart from when my dh gives me days off (which he does on weekends) I have no time to really watch things I fully enjoy.
My dh is really supportive of me but I don't think he gets how bad j feel. He keeps asking if there's anything he can do and what has he done wrong.

When I mentioned I might need to see a doctor, he said that I just needed to change my routine a bit.

Is this depression? Maybe
Do I need help? Probably

But dh just sees it as a thing he can cure if he supports me.

redexpat Mon 08-Feb-16 15:09:55

How to be happy and do everything by peter jones. Buy it, buy a notebook, read the book with your notebook and pen at hand.

I get how annoying it is when DH asks what he's done wrong. He just doesnt get it, unless he is prepared to switch to being a sahd and have you go out to work ft. Which I guess he is not.

Do you still enjoy the same things as you did before? If not then that might be a sign of depresson.

NeedACleverNN Mon 08-Feb-16 15:12:22

He is prepared to stay at home ft. He doesn't mind doing that at all. But my back is so painful if I do too
much movement that ft work is probably not an option for me.

No I don't have an interest in anything anymore.

blankmind Mon 08-Feb-16 17:54:47

If you do what you always did, you get what you always got.

Change one small thing and other changes will follow on from that.

Sign up for a Pilates class or if it's affordable a few 1to1 sessions with a qualified Pilates instructor, that will in time strengthen your core muscles and help tremendously with your back problem.

By doing that, you will have met some new people, got out of the house and lessened your back pain which in turn will open other doors for you as you will be able to physically do so much more.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Mon 08-Feb-16 19:53:36

I have a friend in a similar position, she's now on anti depressants and is a different person! She's decorated the hall after 5 years cleaned out the clutter - saved for a holiday - she's now on a few coarse for a possible job - school hours -

Just worth thinking about

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