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AIBU?

To ask you to say something kind... If anyone is up!

13 replies

Nicebucket · 08/02/2016 01:51

I'm having those days when I'm just feeling desperately sad and hopeless and I've been crying uncontrollably for the past two hours.

I just want someone to say it'll be ok.

I'm mostly feeling very unloved. I have some abandonment issues from my dad leaving us. I don't have any family other than my mum and lately the few friends I have, have barely had time for me.

I've never really had a proper boyfriend either. I'm constantly scared of losing my mum (who is a chain smoker), she's the only one who cares for me.

I have a good job, but I barely manage to save money. I feel a sense of responsibility for me and my mum, so I feel guilty for not saving more. I worry about losing my job.

Some of my family aren't very nice people and I try to hide as much of my life from them as I can- they've threatened to harm me- long story, but there have been threats of making false accusations to make me lose my job, harm my mum, get me kicked out of the country. I haven't done anything wrong, but they keep threatening to make trouble. It's complicated and I live in constant stress.

Anyway, I just feel very alone and disheartened.

OP posts:

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SparkleSoiree · 08/02/2016 01:53

YANBU to ask.....

You are not alone here, there are plenty of us up.

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MyWey · 08/02/2016 01:55

That sounds very tough and I can see why you are feeling down. I'm about to go to bed but just wanted to say that in my experience, people who feel things like this so very acutely are usually the ones with the kindest hearts

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pippistrelle · 08/02/2016 01:58

I'm sorry to hear you have to live with such stress, OP. I hope you manage to get some sleep and that things don't seem so overwhelming in the morning. (And that you devise a way to keep contact with your unpleasant family members to a minimum.)

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GossamerApronStrings · 08/02/2016 02:00

Aww, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time just now. And it will pass. My DC have heard me chant "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" more times than I can count. But you know what? It does help...

As hard as it can be, try to find the positive or at least the humor in every day. Some days are so god-awful I can't stop laughing as one fire after another pops up. Almost a game of "what's the worst that could happen?....oh yes, that. Well, now what's the worst that can happen?" ;)

As to family, I moved half a world away from mine to escape them. I mourn not really having a close family, but for my own mental health it was necessary. Maybe you might want to consider whether your own situation merits a change of scenery? Not necessarily quite so drastic, but a bit of space can make things so much more bearable.

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Tigger365 · 08/02/2016 02:07

I'm not really in a position to help. But I couldn't just back out.

It's gonna be ok. You just have to make you the priority.

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trian · 08/02/2016 02:33

hello OP,
hope the replies so far have cheered you up.
family can be hell and it's not always straightforward escaping from them when the safety net in the UK gets increasing cut back
good luck with everything
I saw someone recommend the 7cups website on a thread the other day, it looks like something that you might find useful xxx

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Jenda · 08/02/2016 02:44

You are not alone, you have at least seven total strangers thinking of you right now.

Have you thought about getting some counselling? Maybe ask for a referral from your GP. Sometimes it's really good to talk things through with someone you won't get upset or defensive or awkward

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IamaBluebird · 08/02/2016 02:47

Still awake here too and sending you best wishes Op x

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CheshireChat · 08/02/2016 02:47

Hi OP, I'm sorry things are difficult right now for you. Could you cut those people out of your life completely? Just because your related doesn't mean much IMO, if not possible could you log/ record what they're doing so you can protect yourself?
Also if you're struggling so much regularly maybe go to your GP and see if there's anything that can help like AD or some anti anxiety meds?
Lastly, I'm very much a night owl so if you'd like someone to chat, feel free to PM anytime if you need to vent.

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Devora · 08/02/2016 03:02

hi OP, I'm awake and here. So sorry life is tough for you right now.

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Nicebucket · 08/02/2016 07:28

Thank you everyone for the messages of support.

I'm already away from my family- they don't live in the UK, one of the main reasons I came here 7 years ago. But the manage to create trouble even from thousands of miles away. Plus, my mum is still where they are. So they continue to harass her.

OP posts:

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pippistrelle · 08/02/2016 09:06

That all sounds very difficult, Nicebucket. It sounds like cutting them out is the best thing you can do, but I take it that - for whatever reason - your mum doesn't feel able to do the same?

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Nicebucket · 08/02/2016 12:36

She has cut them out, but unfortunately she lives in the same city as most of them and because her job is there, she cannot leave.

There is also a jointly owned property which is the only home she has and some of them stay within that same area. It's not easy at the moment to leave that property and her job

So this gives them an opportunity to interact unpleasantly witn her

It's difficult to hear about it all everyday.

It's also difficult because I'm a bit lonely here. My inability to save as much money as I want to also makes me guilty