To ask family to babysit while we go on holiday?

(160 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

greenkitee Sat 06-Feb-16 13:46:47

Just curious as to what others think. Me and my partner haven't been on holiday together, anywhere. Admittedly I got pregnant far too soon. We didn't get to enjoy the new experience of a couple etc we were forced together for our baby.

Anyway,i mentioned to my mum about taking my partner back to Ireland where I grew up, she said "I hope you're taking your baby" I said no, would have liked to have a holiday just us and she said "should have thought about that before having kids"

Has anybody gone on holiday without their child? Honeymoon obviously doesn't count, are we BU by wanting to go by ourselfs? It's much more expensive needing to take the pram etc not to mention actually buying a 3rd seat

DrSeussRevived Sat 06-Feb-16 13:50:02

We have, for a few days, once. My SIL came to stay and babysit and my MIL visited her here. It was an absolute luxury and a blessing though and it wouldn't have been at all unreasonable for her to say no!

Potkettleblack2 Sat 06-Feb-16 13:50:43

How old is your baby?

BertPuttocks Sat 06-Feb-16 13:51:43

It's fine to ask but equally fine for them to say no.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sat 06-Feb-16 13:52:26

Nope. Never done it. Only ever holidayed with DS, partly because I'm quite fond of the little bugger.

CaptainCrunch Sat 06-Feb-16 13:52:42

Sorry but your parents now and it's not your family's job to babysit. A bit worrying that you say you've been forced together because of the baby, that's not a very healthy approach to your relationship. Agree you might need more time together as a couple so you could arrange the odd date night. You're a family now and making that work should be your first priority.

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 06-Feb-16 13:53:02

Its fine to holiday without your baby, as long as there is someone willing to care for them.

The way your OP reads is that you told this to your mum as if you had already decided that she would have the baby - rather than asking her first.

LocoMoco Sat 06-Feb-16 13:53:04

Once you have children ' just us' includes your children.

YABU to expect to holiday without them so you don't have the hassle of the pram.

Pigeonpost Sat 06-Feb-16 13:53:05

If your baby is under two then you don't need to buy an extra seat and it shouldn't cost anything to take the pram. It does sound a bit odd to want to go on a couples holiday without your child. And you absolutely cannot expect any family member to babysit unless they expressly offer.

StayWithMe Sat 06-Feb-16 13:53:52

I don't blamed your mum, tbh. It sounds like you took it for granted she would look after your child and sage was smart enough to nil that in the bud. Don't get wrong, it would be lovely to be able to leave your baby with someone, but you can't take it for granted. It is YOUR baby.

Whoami24601 Sat 06-Feb-16 13:54:03

We're going away for a weekend next week. I can't wait grin never for longer than a couple of nights, but I'm not averse to the idea, just don't have the childcare available!!

Birdsgottafly Sat 06-Feb-16 13:54:30

I've had my GD since she was a couple of months old, we've got a lovely bond.

My DD has been away with her DP and my other DDs.

I had wonderful memories of being in my Nans/Aunties.

My Mum had mine from about 3, that was what I wanted. My girls were really close to her and in her last years, she was well looked after by us all.

Your Mums being ridiculous, even older parents, my Mum had me at 40, still need a break.

Sirzy Sat 06-Feb-16 13:54:52

Asking is fine, expecting isn't.

SellFridges Sat 06-Feb-16 13:55:17

We usually have a couple of weekends away a year while ours stay with grandparents. They've usually been while we go to weddings but they've dried up now so we'll probably still have some time away together. We also went on honeymoon without DD.

whois Sat 06-Feb-16 13:55:42

Everyone needs a break but you are totally U to just expect your mum to help without asking. That's prob what got her back up.

MiddleClassProblem Sat 06-Feb-16 13:55:59

When I was about 5 and my brother 7, my parents went to Rome for a long weekend and we stayed at my grandparents. For me it depends on the age of the child and who you are leaving them with. If it's someone capable who you trust and the child is able to chat etc to communicate, for me and my own comforts I would consider it but not really with a toddler or baby because I'm worried they wouldn't read them as well (getting sick, teething etc).
If you're buying a seat then I'm guessing DC is older anyway

SaucyJack Sat 06-Feb-16 13:56:59

I'm afraid you are being U.

It's fine to go away without your children if you are lucky enough to have willing childcare. Quite another thing tho to expect it as a God given right.

Your mum is in the right here. Get your bonce around it pronto.

PatriciaHolm Sat 06-Feb-16 13:57:27

Well, it's a nice thing to do and yes we have done it a number of times. But you can't force anyone to help. Maybe when the baby is bit older, and you ask with plenty of notice?

gingercat02 Sat 06-Feb-16 13:57:52

Depends how old the baby is and how long for. We have lefy ds for a couple of nights with both grandparents. I think he was about 10/11 months the first time. However doesn't sound like your Mum will look after him/her anyway!

Artandco Sat 06-Feb-16 13:58:16

Yes we do, but we have family not living close so they only time they see kids is when they have for a few days

However travel with a baby is very easy and cheap. You can just take a sling for baby so no pram needed, and under 2 they don't need a seat anyway so just on your lap. So no extra cost.

RudeElf Sat 06-Feb-16 13:59:23

Ive had loads of breaks away from my DC. However, i never assumed my parents would be happy to help. I've always asked if they would. In fact my first few breaks were at my mum's suggestion.

It would be nice for you and partner to have some time for just the two of you but as a parent you arent entitled to it. It's dependant on finding willing Childcarers. Is your mum your only option? What about your partner's parents or your or his siblings? Or friends?

greenkitee Sat 06-Feb-16 14:00:02

Where the f did I say I expected her to do it ffs? I said I mentioned about going to Ireland, literally MENTIONED it. She was the one to assume I was asking her there and then

It's not just the pram, it's making sure we get a cot, keeping him safe in another country etc. He will be 2 in June.

icanteven Sat 06-Feb-16 14:00:33

I would never expect family to take our children while we went on holiday in a million years.

Every so often we do something where my Dad has them for a few hours, and then a friend comes over, puts the children to bed and stays overnight to get them to school in the morning, so that we can have one night away, but that's it.

ZanyMobster Sat 06-Feb-16 14:01:13

Absolutely fine to want to (there will always be one or two martyrs who only course love their children more so would never do it wink )

We go away as a family, separately with friends and as a couple. My parents love having the DCS and am 100% happy to leave them with them I am too fond of my DCS. I wasn't aware going away for a few days made any difference to my love for them?!.

YABU to expect anyone to want to look after your baby though. If you were close enough to your family presumably you would know how they felt about this sort of thing and TBH if my family felt like that I wouldn't leave my baby with them anyway.

OurBlanche Sat 06-Feb-16 14:01:36

Did you ask you mum greenkitee ? Or did she just leap in with that comment?

YANBU to ask if a family member would consider it. I imagine about 50% of MNers have done so. It isn't unusual. It certainly isn't a truism that once you are a parent you must not want or arrange time away form your kids. Don't let anyone guilt you into that.

But no one would be unreasonable to say no, they didn't want to either.

So ask away. You might find someone a little better disposed to help than your mum.

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