I've really shouted at my 10 year old.

(16 Posts)
recyclingbag Sat 06-Feb-16 11:21:54

I know I am but I was just so angry.

It's a recurrent cycle and I don't know how to break it.

We have an exciting weekend planned taking him to an event that he really wants to
go to. Involves an overnight stay in a hotel.

This morning he's just so miserable. He's moaned about his breakfast, complained that we asked him to pick his things up, complained that we asked him to get his homework done before we leave and generally been rude and stroppy.

I just lost it with him. But this happens a lot. We plan really nice things then complain he's not grateful enough. But each time we think it will be different.

I feel like one of those parents you tut at in magazines for raising such spoilt brats.

DS has now said 'fine, I won't go' and resorted to self-pity that everyone hates him.

I've left the house to go to Sainsburys.

I'm still furious but I know balling at him didn't help and only makes him feel more hard done by.

Help.

willowsummers Sat 06-Feb-16 11:23:19

Is it - how to put this - your idea of nice, or his?

theycallmemellojello Sat 06-Feb-16 11:25:40

Is he always like this (ie not just when he ought to be acting grateful)? Idk, it sounds hard but he is hormonal and whatnot, he might genuinely feel miserable. Not ok for him to be stroppy of course, but would it help to pull him up on behaviour without making it about how he ought to be feeling. The fact that you're having an outing doesn't really make a difference to whether he should be doing his homework and picking up after himself, so maybe try to keep the issues separate?

recyclingbag Sat 06-Feb-16 11:30:18

It's definitely his idea is nice not mine!

wizzler Sat 06-Feb-16 11:32:35

I have one of those too... Unless it involves playing on electronics he doesn't want to do anything. and is rude and ungrateful. Once I do get him out of the house he enjoys himself and turns back into my sweet DS.

I am hoping it is just a phase!

( and for those MNetters muttering out there.. yes we do limit his game time).

I think it is possibly because some of the boys are beginning to swagger about at school and test out new words.. and he is small for his age and behaves very well at school so would never dream of acting big with his mates... so he practises on mesad

I lost it big time last weekend, and know just how you feel . Don't know the answer but I feel your pain

BabyGanoush Sat 06-Feb-16 11:35:17

As the owner of a 10yr old boy, I find that "too much fun" is nog good for him (ie organised paid for fun)

Whereas muddy dog walks, helping me out etc are "good" for him, also just mucking around with a friend in the park.

So I rather take him for a walk or swim, or with a football to the park.

I think doing lots of "treats" that come with strings attached ("grattitude" and "good behaviour") make both you and him cross, so why do it at all?

Kids don't need too much artificial entertainment IMO but I know I am possibly old fashioned!

recyclingbag Sat 06-Feb-16 11:54:41

It's definitely his idea is nice not mine!

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 06-Feb-16 11:57:40

I think that big days out are actually quite a bit of pressure for young children. The pressure to have fun because lots of money has been spent is a lot for children to deal with.

If he gets grumpy/irritable beforehand it's probably a sign that it's been built up a lot in his head and maybe the reality is not what he expected. Surely at that age he'll have just as much fun in the park or kicking a ball around?

It sounds old-fashioned but I don't think kids that age need a lot of money spent on them to have fun.

80schild Sat 06-Feb-16 11:58:15

How about just not doing nice things for a while? He clearly doesn't appreciate it.

HPsauciness Sat 06-Feb-16 12:12:21

Saturday morning is absolutely the worst time to do anything with children, they are tired from a week at school and don't want to get up/dressed/do homework exactly like any other day. I am so glad we ditched ballet on Sat mornings, it was meltdowns/stress/not hurrying every Sat and just wasn't enjoyable.

Now, if it's a big weekend, then you can't help that you have to get up, ready etc on Sat morning, but perhaps next time, talk in advance how this is always a struggle, get clothes ready first (homework definitely not a great time to do this) and so forth, so you are all realistic that this is a bit of an effort. I am also knackered by Sat morning, and if someone stood over me at 8am saying 'come on, come on, work to do' I might also feel a bit sorry for myself, even if I wanted to do the exciting thing afterwards.

Yes, he's ungrateful, but it's a lot in a school weekend. He will be grateful, perhaps not on Sat, but afterwards, so if you can wait til then and perhaps not over-egg the whole thing, it might go easier.

Or just tell him these type of events are off til the hols as he doesn't seem able to cope in term time.

recyclingbag Sat 06-Feb-16 12:25:04

I have apologised for shouting. Peace has been restored and we're on our way.

You're right, I need to stop hoping one will be a trade off for another.

BabyGanoush Sat 06-Feb-16 13:16:22

So what are you doing?

Jellymuffin Sat 06-Feb-16 14:39:43

Are you and your husband quite OTT when it comes to vocal gratitude? I find we sometimes expect children to behave in a way we don't model. My BIL is taking his girls to Florida and has been calling them ungrateful, but both he and his wife are both uncomfortable receiving gifts and consequently come across as ungrateful, even though I know they're not. Their children are simply replicating their responses as they don't know anything else.

junebirthdaygirl Sat 06-Feb-16 15:55:56

If you were happy to plan it for him and didn't do it under pressure and begging from him then stay with happy. l think we get this panic that our kids will turn into spoilt brats but that only happens if we are manipulated into doing something against our own better judgement. Nobody told them that the treat comes at a price.

bornwithaplasticspoon Sat 06-Feb-16 17:31:38

We have this with the 9 year old. A treat where timing of leaving the house is essential, such as the cinema, often becomes an excruciating drawn out experience and each time I say 'never again' but of course - I do it again. I'm a glutton for punishment.

TitchyBooBark Sat 06-Feb-16 18:45:50

I have four teenagers and I used to call this "Saturdayitis".

I treated it with months of lazy Saturday mornings letting them do their own thing (which often meant nothing). I used to let them lie in and then they had the choice of either bacon or fishfinger sandwiches for lunch.

I used to get my own stuff done and they used to perk up by Saturday afternoon.

HTHs.

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