End of the road??

(9 Posts)
Clark735 Sat 06-Feb-16 07:14:10

Well it all came to a head the other day. I have been married to my wife for 13yrs and been together for 16yrs. We have been side by side all that time and have travelled the world together have a great house and have to great small boys together life did seem to be perfect. We have some friends in our village that are in the middle of splitting up, the woman (close friend) has been going out lots more and has been trying to date etc for the past 3mnths. My wife has also been making an effort to spruce herself up and keep fit and generally be a wing man on our friends nights out.
Just before xmas she went to a village across from us and kissed a young lad (28) I'm 38 btw and wife 37. Then she went out on New Years to the same pub and kissed etc again while I was at home alone with the boys. This week she managed to leave her phone in the van they were using and I happened to be slightly suspicious and looked at her messenger messages on the iPad that is linked to her Facebook. It was very evident that she really wanted him and that she was the one pushing for it (pardon the pun) well we both had the sick feeling it was all over for me etc.
What I fail to have said is that I had a very drunken fumble with a random on a lads night (which she knows about) a good 6yrs ago (since then we have had our youngest who is 3.
You see here is the thing; she may never have got over the indescretion with me and she may have an underlying issue that's been eating her away all this time. She has been getting drunk and enjoying herself with our friend which I didn't mind at all and that I encouraged but feel now that that was the catalyst for what ultimately happened.
She showed me a message from his mate that was trying to pull her (after seeing photos from the one she liked) but nothing was on there to make me suspicious it was just to try and make me jealous (because she like that). So that's why I looked after she had left her phone in the van. Yesterday I went through her phone entirely and all I get is Facebook search for him up to 20 time a day for the months she met him. It's constant and its in texts and what app messages to our friends. She told her/our girlfriends that she had a free pass and that I was cool about it. One friend who I knew before my wife does not talk to her anymore because my wife thought she was muscling in on him on the NYE at the pub!!!! So she was even prepared to fight over him!!! WTF
My wife has an addiction to this and says that she really wants to save our marriage and that I have made her world.
When all I think is that I would do anything for her I had the kids when she went out to the early hours I pick her up sometimes in the early hours I let her sleep in because she is hungover I do 80% of the housework. What more can I do I don't know. What I'm concerned most about is the infatuation she has with him the Facebook stalking the looking at his picture (she says he is fit and she wants to remember she pulled him) it will be constant because I think that is the way she is wired.
Every time she looks at him it kills a bit of me.
That's what hurts
Not the deed.
I don't want to control her I'm too placid and easygoing for that but I don't want to come second best with something I just can't compete with.
Sorry to bore you with it but I have know one to talk to and what few mates I have will just tell me to leave.
Please don't be nasty in your comments.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow Sat 06-Feb-16 07:27:08

What is stopping you from leaving or asking her to leave?

You're right that you don't deserve to be treated in this way. She has no respect for you or your feelings.

You might want to move this to the relationships section. That gets some great advice.

Sparklingbrook Sat 06-Feb-16 07:28:44

Sounds like the end of the road to me.

Not sure this is an AIBU.

dudsville Sat 06-Feb-16 07:29:04

It sounds like you have both been falling apart for awhile. It's such a painful thing. Is there any chance of stone open and honest talking about what you both want? Maybe couple therapy?

winkywinkola Sat 06-Feb-16 07:29:26

You need to ask to get this changed to the relationships board for the wise advice over there.

Meanwhile, what is your wife doing to make things better?

What is she doing to invest in your marriage? She doesn't sound like she really cares about your marriage.

This 'free pass' talk. Where did that come from? A free pass to do what exactly?

What did you do to make things better after your fumble with a "random"? It could be the tone of your relationship was set after that.

Clark735 Sat 06-Feb-16 07:29:54

How do I move it there?

Sparklingbrook Sat 06-Feb-16 07:30:31

Report it to MNHQ and ask.

ForeverLivingMyArse Sat 06-Feb-16 07:34:51

Get rid and leave her to it.

x2boys Sat 06-Feb-16 09:17:57

I think your wife's treating you appallingly and has no respect for you, you had a drunken fumble some years ago but she either needs to get past that or not but either way it doesn't look good I, d walk away tbh.

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