to tentatively ask if you're enjoying this?

(29 Posts)
cornishglos Fri 05-Feb-16 12:20:35

I have deliberated about asking, as I am well aware that parenting can be tough for all sorts of reasons. But then I thought, isn't that what forums are for (in part?), to say stuff you feel you can't say IRL?

So AIBU, when asked how I'm finding '2 under 2', to say how much I love it?

It feels like I'm supposed to say something negative, or that I might even offend, or at least be disbelieved if I say don't.

And AIBU to ask if anyone else feels this way too?

cornishglos Fri 05-Feb-16 12:21:27

Excuse the errors, not very phone literate, sorry!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Fri 05-Feb-16 12:35:29

No I'm the same.

People always tell me how hard things must be for me - I've got twins who were 2 when my third baby was born - but actually, it's not.

Sure, the logistics of getting everyone somewhere on time, or juggling a newborn and two year old twins wasn't easy, but none of them have had reflux, colic, teething pain, problems sleeping, none of them are particularly fussy eaters or sickly - so no, it's not been 'hard' as such.

Arfarfanarf Fri 05-Feb-16 12:38:13

there's 15 months between my two. I have never felt that I need to lie about it or be needlessly negative just to make someone else feel better.

You just think before you post. If someone posts to say they are in tears because they haven't slept in a week and they are on the edge and has anyone else got two under two and how are they coping - you don't post saying oh I love having 2 under 2, I think it's really fun and easy.

But if someone posts saying hey I've got a 6 month old and I was thinking of trying now for another, how was it for you, there's no reason on earth to not say how you've found it.

MoreGilmoreGirls Fri 05-Feb-16 12:38:54

Well I have a two year old and am expecting my second so I'm glad it's not all bad grin

Sometimes reading these forums can make you quite scared!

WittgensteinsBunny Fri 05-Feb-16 12:42:43

I'm not offended by what you've written, that would be absurd! But I've found 2 under 2 the hardest thing I've ever done! And I would be lying if I said I've loved every minute! Some of it has been the best thing in the world. I'm glad dd2 (surprise baby!) is here but 6 mo of PND and anxiety and the sheer exhaustion of crap sleepers has nearly floored me! There have been days of feeling like the best mum and most lucky person in the world, others feeling like I just can't do it and like the worst mum in the world and not wanting to carry on and most days in between muddling through with the usual ups and downs. I've a feeling I'll look back on these days with true nostalgia and a sort of relieved joy.

Fab that you're loving it though smile

wol1968 Fri 05-Feb-16 12:48:16

Different people find different phases enjoyable. I myself am (whisper it, fingers crossed, so far so good) rather enjoying my DD as a teenager. Sure she has her moments, there are battles here and there, but I like our conversations, I like her expressing her opinions, especially when they differ from mine, and I like it that she's developing her own personality.

Now, when my DD and DS were toddlers, that was another matter. I struggle to organise my time and am not naturally practical or tidy. I have a hearing difficulty and a rather 'bookish' conversational style that is a downright awkward fit with young children, so the early years were mentally and emotionally tough for me. If you're enjoying it, carry on enjoying it - you're clearly a 'natural' at this stage of parenthood. The demands change though, just saying. wink

cornishglos Fri 05-Feb-16 12:50:27

Good points arf and wol

AnnaMarlowe Fri 05-Feb-16 13:11:10

I think it's a really good point that people find different stages difficult.

I remember nearly falling off my chair when a friend said wistfully that she missed the baby days because toddlers are so hard. I have twins and found the baby days extremely difficult but loved my time of funny, lively toddlers.

It's even more fun now they are 8yo and wonderfully individual.

I love being a parent. I think my DH and I are good at it. It can be hard work some days but most things worth doing are.

2016Hopeful Fri 05-Feb-16 13:14:41

I found it hard when mine were young (2.5 year gap) but at the same time I felt really fulfilled. I loved being needed so much and really miss that feeling now they are older and getting more independent (still need me but not in that intense way of being their world as friends are more important now!).

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 13:15:25

No not enjoying my 19month old ds3, nor my dd (10)particularly. Loving the 5yr old and 16 year old. Not to say I don't love them all to their bones but I find it easier at various stages. Give me a newborn (up to 1) then a 5 year old then a 16 old any day! Just help me cope with the years inbetween!

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 13:20:34

My 16 year old needs me now as much if not more than when he was younger - practical caring aside. He doesn't need me to wipe his bum or cook for him but stuff in the news? Yes he enjoys hearing my opinion - and what is more - he listens! if only dd 10 would We stay up chatting about his mocks, his gcses, his hopes for university and the future in general. He listens to me now because he has grown out of thinking I don't know anything and appreciates my opinion and views. We have good discussions. I find him inspiring.

backinschool Fri 05-Feb-16 13:22:28

I'm finding that as my DDs get older I am enjoying them more but also worrying more about my parenting. The more complex and individual they become the more I worry about how I handle situations. For example DD1 is having some minor friendship issues at school - she is a sensitive soul and I'm trying to encourage her to be a little tougher and ignore the silliness without making her feel as though her worries/feelings don't matter. It all seemed easier when she was a toddler but I wouldn't swap the fab litle person she is for anything grin

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 13:22:45

Meant to say I understand- I feel as though I should say that ds 16 is mute and a pain. He isn't. he was at 10 though I only seem to hear other people moan about their teens - I genuinely love being a parent of a 16year old.

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 13:26:36

backinschool Yes! I look back on aspects of my parenting and wish I had done some things different. I don't have all the answers! But as they get older dc understand you don't have all the answers.

OP it is great you love the stage you are at - don't feel bad about that. do you want to look after my 19month old?

bigbuttons Fri 05-Feb-16 13:38:45

I enjoy different kids at different stages. At times it has has been horrific at other times fun.
I am very honest about it all.

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 13:44:46

bigbuttons I am honest too. At times it has been horrendous, other times it has honestly been magical and a joy. The biggest disservice women do to other women is to pretend. We can struggle at various stages, and that is ok. We can rejoice in other stages and that is ok too.

TeaT1me Fri 05-Feb-16 13:48:14

I loved it for the first few years, I kept thinking "this stage is the best ever." But after my second and 4 years of little sleep I'm just exhausted. I think it's hard to.admit I'm finding it hard I'll to be honest when everyone is saying how much they love it!

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 05-Feb-16 13:51:24

To my most enormous surprise, I absolutely loved the baby stage, from newborn right through to age 2. While I enjoy the entertainment value of a funny little creature who thinks and does things differently, the stroppiness of DS2 is creating more stress than enjoyment on a general basis; as is the clashing between him and DS1 (8).
I'm also not over-keen on the attitude that DS1 is increasingly displaying - he's still a very nice boy, but I can just see the attitude getting worse and worse until we clash dreadfully.

I think I enjoyed most the time when I was least challenged by them... and 2-3 definitely isn't that time!

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 13:53:37

Thumb 2-3 is tough! But they come through it smile 8-10 is good too then 16 is fab grin

lazyarse123 Fri 05-Feb-16 13:55:08

There is 17months between my 1st two and 15months between the 2nd and 3rd, (not good at taking the pill), and i can honestly say i enjoyed nearly all their early years.The middle one started being a pain at about 14 and he still is, he's 25 now. I have always been able to talk to and get on with dd1 and ds2 but ds1 has always acted different, he's very entitled. He has told me he's not the favourite and he was not firstborn and not the baby.I love them all equally but he doesn't see that. We never had any of that teenage angst with the other two so i think we must have been incredibly lucky. I would say just enjoy your children whatever age they are. If you do happen to be struggling don't be afraid to ask for help.

LaundryService Fri 05-Feb-16 14:02:32

I guess it depends on what other problems you have to manage on a daily basis. I love having one right now, and I'd love two one day...but the whole 2 under 2 thing....I have chronic pain issues and a large array of various delightful ailments and I really feel like these things stop me enjoying it as much some days. I get quite upset with myself, wishing I'd treated my body better so I could be the 'perfect' mummy I want to be.

If it weren't for these things I would definitely have loved 2 under 2! I'm already broody now (dd is 13 months) Just have to remind myself of the pain lugging the first dc around, let alone 2 :-D

When dc is older though I can't wait to have another. Being a mother has been the best thing that ever happened to me (corny, sorry!) Her little smiles and kisses turn the darkest days into light again. Bloody hard some days though. Have found myself in a heap of tears and exasperation more than a hundred couple times. She's a vocal critter, that's for sure!

Wittgensteins you really nailed it for me in the second half of your post!

Graciescotland Fri 05-Feb-16 14:03:17

Aren't some days harder than others though? I had four under five at one point and sometimes it was delightful at other times not so much. My answer to that line of questioning was "Well it's a juggle" accompanied with a smile which seemed to cover all eventualities.

NickyEds Fri 05-Feb-16 15:27:25

I have a just turned two year old and a 6 month old and on the whole I really enjoy it. I have good days and bad days though and that's what I say when people ask. People do ask with a sort of head-tilting sympathetic tone to their voices though!

lazyarse123 Fri 05-Feb-16 15:57:33

LAUNDRY there's no such thing as a perfect mummy. You only have to love, protect and care for them and it sounds like you already do that.

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